I am glad to be here

[Kush-Chronic]

After my failed suicide attempt 14 years ago, I gave up on myself. I closed everything for myself and was ready to leave. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. I tried to look forward and always told myself "don't be afraid of failure, from now on everything is just a bonus round". I probably wanted to motivate myself by doing that, like riding a wave. But every wave breaks at some point. You get up again and again and fight but at some point you can't anymore because of exhaustion and what remains is the thought that you ended your life 14 years ago in a symbolic sense. The body is alive but the mind is tired and restless. I have the feeling of living beyond my time. Subconsciously I have been waiting for the end for a long time. I avoid doctors or other things that might not help me and only make everything more unpleasant. For the last 14 years I have been living a lie. It took me a long time to accept that. It is not the end for me, but the liberation.

The only thought that plagues me is not to fail again this time.

 

[GasMonkey]

What method did you use?

 

[AnonymousS]

After my failed suicide attempt 14 years ago, I gave up on myself. I closed everything for myself and was ready to leave. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. I tried to look forward and always told myself "don't be afraid of failure, from now on everything is just a bonus round". I probably wanted to motivate myself by doing that, like riding a wave. But every wave breaks at some point. You get up again and again and fight but at some point you can't anymore because of exhaustion and what remains is the thought that you ended your life 14 years ago in a symbolic sense. The body is alive but the mind is tired and restless. I have the feeling of living beyond my time. Subconsciously I have been waiting for the end for a long time. I avoid doctors or other things that might not help me and only make everything more unpleasant. For the last 14 years I have been living a lie. It took me a long time to accept that. It is not the end for me, but the liberation.

The only thought that plagues me is not to fail again this time.

I am sorry that you're suffering, your words strike a strong sense of similarity in me. I have attempted on multiple times, and been told i am lucky to still be alive. The existence goes on for now, but your words are very powerful.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's horrific the thought of failing ctb, that is what I fear. Your feelings towards existing are completely understandable, I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.