S
saturn1402
Member
- Sep 13, 2024
- 16
I have been suicidal since my very very bad breakup. Not only for the breakup itself but for the guilt, shame and the realisation I am just so unfit for the world.
I went through many stages of wanting to end it all. While for many months I was desperate, now I feel in such peace. I know the time will come and I found a rather painless way to CTB.
Until I make the big decision (I think it will happens in 3 months) I am trying to give the world my best.
1. I try to have as much as good and positive impact with any stranger. I try to make anyone I meet feel valued, seen and heard.
2 I want to give my dog the most loving life as I possible can. I want her to be the happiest dog on the world until I leave
3. I want to travel (Thailand and Bali most probably ), meet new people, have more memories to cherish.
The strange thing is that I genuinely loved life, although it has been a hell of a ride. I had the highest and the lowest - never steadiness. I am very grateful for having the chance to experience life, love, laugh, even cry and pain. But I am simply unfit for this world. I am too emotional, too caring, too pure, too much of a burden for everyone around me. and I can't just pretend to be who I am not. I tried for so long…
There is no hate, no resentment. I forgave everyone and I wish everyone nothing but the best. I am even glad many people hurt me because they had maybe the chance to learn their lesson through me so they can love and treat other people better in the future.
I know that when I will leave this world I will do it with a smile in my face and so much gratitude in my heart.
I went through many stages of wanting to end it all. While for many months I was desperate, now I feel in such peace. I know the time will come and I found a rather painless way to CTB.
Until I make the big decision (I think it will happens in 3 months) I am trying to give the world my best.
1. I try to have as much as good and positive impact with any stranger. I try to make anyone I meet feel valued, seen and heard.
2 I want to give my dog the most loving life as I possible can. I want her to be the happiest dog on the world until I leave
3. I want to travel (Thailand and Bali most probably ), meet new people, have more memories to cherish.
The strange thing is that I genuinely loved life, although it has been a hell of a ride. I had the highest and the lowest - never steadiness. I am very grateful for having the chance to experience life, love, laugh, even cry and pain. But I am simply unfit for this world. I am too emotional, too caring, too pure, too much of a burden for everyone around me. and I can't just pretend to be who I am not. I tried for so long…
There is no hate, no resentment. I forgave everyone and I wish everyone nothing but the best. I am even glad many people hurt me because they had maybe the chance to learn their lesson through me so they can love and treat other people better in the future.
I know that when I will leave this world I will do it with a smile in my face and so much gratitude in my heart.