Abyssal
Kill me
- Nov 26, 2023
- 1,287
Years of NEETdom has left me delusional in thinking that I can make a better life for myself. The pain I suffered at being inferior from a young age through school is only a distant memory, by drowning myself in daydreams and isolation I had convinced myself I was capable of friendship and praise. I was wrong.
I got my first job, minimum wage retail, but it allowed me to return to the world of human contact. My coworkers call me weird, but I can manage it. It's not who I thought I was and it hurts, but at least they are not mean to me. But my bosses are not so kind. I thought I was capable of doing what is expected from me, but I'm consistently called out on my work being inadequate. I'm told I have poor judgement and I hear my coworkers say "Finally someone told her" or they laugh at my inadequacy.
I'm not even good enough for minimum wage. I'm trying my best but my best is subhuman garbage. I can't even be mediocre, I'm just pure dogshit. That person in my head that I daydream of isn't me. I can't even daydream anymore, because I'll never become worthy of being loved like I dream of.
I got my first job, minimum wage retail, but it allowed me to return to the world of human contact. My coworkers call me weird, but I can manage it. It's not who I thought I was and it hurts, but at least they are not mean to me. But my bosses are not so kind. I thought I was capable of doing what is expected from me, but I'm consistently called out on my work being inadequate. I'm told I have poor judgement and I hear my coworkers say "Finally someone told her" or they laugh at my inadequacy.
I'm not even good enough for minimum wage. I'm trying my best but my best is subhuman garbage. I can't even be mediocre, I'm just pure dogshit. That person in my head that I daydream of isn't me. I can't even daydream anymore, because I'll never become worthy of being loved like I dream of.