Venting i am done.

[Imtiredofeverything]

We have so much hope when we are kids, so many dreams in our eyes. Even in adversity, as kids you just survive, even if we are suicidal we hardly understand what life gives ahead. We just weather through it in pain, carrying dreams finding hope and getting trampled on every fucking day. But now I am in so so much pain. I can't do it. I didn't have courage to type this out for such a long time, i don't have courage to talk about my life and endurances, I don't have the energy or willingness to try to survive. I see food and i taste bile because i don't deserve it. I breathe and i am overwhelmed by the urge to choke myself because i don't deserve it. I am 23 and live with my parents...i just have freedom online and now i am tired of surviving. They don't believe in mental health and even if they did i have had a bad response to medicines my whole life and I can't go to a therapist. I am so done...with pain...endless suicidal thoughts....I just crave peace. Death will give me peace from my head, from my life. I have been ruminating about it objectively also, none of the fake platitudes help....i respect them for their good intentions but nothing helps me stay strong enough. I tried. I really tried. The mental pain causes physical pain and i want to drown in peace. The sheer pointlessness of my life and living is too much.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

We have so much hope when we are kids, so many dreams in our eyes. Even in adversity, as kids you just survive, even if we are suicidal we hardly understand what life gives ahead. We just weather through it in pain, carrying dreams finding hope and getting trampled on every fucking day. But now I am in so so much pain. I can't do it. I didn't have courage to type this out for such a long time, i don't have courage to talk about my life and endurances, I don't have the energy or willingness to try to survive. I see food and i taste bile because i don't deserve it. I breathe and i am overwhelmed by the urge to choke myself because i don't deserve it. I am 23 and live with my parents...i just have freedom online and now i am tired of surviving. They don't believe in mental health and even if they did i have had a bad response to medicines my whole life and I can't go to a therapist. I am so done...with pain...endless suicidal thoughts....I just crave peace. Death will give me peace from my head, from my life. I have been ruminating about it objectively also, none of the fake platitudes help....i respect them for their good intentions but nothing helps me stay strong enough. I tried. I really tried. The mental pain causes physical pain and i want to drown in peace. The sheer pointlessness of my life and living is too much.

I wish you the peace that many of us here seek, including myself.

 

[Imtiredofeverything]

I wish you the peace that many of us here seek, including myself.
Thank you so much....I hope we find it too. I love this community for being so kind and understanding....

 

[socrates]

I can relate. life is exhausting, but healing is more exhausting. And what's the point if your just going to have to live with another problem in the future.

 

[ahs1079]

We have so much hope when we are kids, so many dreams in our eyes. Even in adversity, as kids you just survive, even if we are suicidal we hardly understand what life gives ahead. We just weather through it in pain, carrying dreams finding hope and getting trampled on every fucking day. But now I am in so so much pain. I can't do it. I didn't have courage to type this out for such a long time, i don't have courage to talk about my life and endurances, I don't have the energy or willingness to try to survive. I see food and i taste bile because i don't deserve it. I breathe and i am overwhelmed by the urge to choke myself because i don't deserve it. I am 23 and live with my parents...i just have freedom online and now i am tired of surviving. They don't believe in mental health and even if they did i have had a bad response to medicines my whole life and I can't go to a therapist. I am so done...with pain...endless suicidal thoughts....I just crave peace. Death will give me peace from my head, from my life. I have been ruminating about it objectively also, none of the fake platitudes help....i respect them for their good intentions but nothing helps me stay strong enough. I tried. I really tried. The mental pain causes physical pain and i want to drown in peace. The sheer pointlessness of my life and living is too much.

Fucking A. Well said. 1000% with you.