I am disgusted by myself

[Arachnid_Antichrist]

I'm absolutely disgusted by the way I look.
Every time I see my body in the mirror I just want to punch it. I want to cut myself open and just tear everything out. I hate it. I hate everything. i don't want to live like this. I don't want to exist like this. I don't eat. Ever. And when I do I throw it up. I wish I could just throw up everything I've ever eaten. I just want to rip my skin off. I hate this disgusting, grotesque body that I'm in. I hate everything. I hate myself. I hate my body. I hate the way I talk. I hate the way I look. Everything. Get me out of this body because it is the worst thing to ever happen to me.

 

[MrDarkness]

I feel exactly the same, I wanna cut my face up so no one can see my face, I wanna wear a mask. I hate my face so fucking much, I wanna break every mirror I see

 

[HighFlight]

I'm sorry to hear that. I look in the mirror and no longer recognize the person staring back - a sad, fragile, weak old man. Death is the only way to recover from old age. But what about you, what do you see that is so grotesque?

 

[Mr2005]

I felt like this and now I detest myself that I felt like this and just want back what I had

 

[Bobert_Beniro]

I perfectly understand what you are talking about, it is hard to realize that in the reflection of the mirror it is you. When I see ugly people on the street, I subconsciously wonder why they live and suffer, their despair is displayed in their tired look and gait. It's just harsh natural selection, and the best thing you can do is just get it over with instead of continuing to suffer.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be so torturous what you have to endure, I understand that it's horrible feeling trapped in an existence you hate, to me existing truly is so dreadful.

 

[Arachnid_Antichrist]

I'm sorry to hear that. I look in the mirror and no longer recognize the person staring back - a sad, fragile, weak old man. Death is the only way to recover from old age. But what about you, what do you see that is so grotesque?

I'm fat. Every time I look in the mirror I'm always reminded of how fat I am. I do everything to loose weight and so far nothing has worked. I'm 5'8 and 200lbs. It disgusts me.

 

[PinkyStat]

I can relate to that, i hate to enter the bathroom and look at the mirror, i hate when my phone screen turns black and i have to look at my reflection, i hate to think that i exist in this body, i hate that people can look at me when i have to get out of my house, i hate when im tired and look at my fvcking ugly hands in an anorexic thin arm, i hate eating, drinking, bathing (even tho i still do it sometimes just to be clear*) and pretty much everything that can affect my body in a way or another

 

[HighFlight]

I had a similar issue a few years ago. A major heart attack, couple with significant lifestyle changes (diet and exercise) help solve my weight problem. While I don't recommend the heart attack, it was mentally clarifying and gave me the willpower, at least temporarily, to make the changes. Prior to that, I felt I had tried everything, but my weight was spiraling out of control and taking my self-image with it. The heart attack helped me to see that I had just made token changes, and made up excuses for not really trying. But again, that was simply my experience, and we all have different demons to deal with.

I'm wishing you all the best, and would love to see this moved over to the "recovery" forum. Regardless, may you find peace with your decisions, and if interested, feel free to PM me if you want to talk.