Venting I am becoming an alcoholic

[H0110W]

I am so bored, dissatisfied with life, and most of all LONELY AS FUCK that my only companion most of the time is the bottle. I never fucking drank before the last 6 months, but I had run out of copium so I decided to "try" alcohol. My usage steadily increased and now I have to drink almost everyday and I have cravings for alcohol.
I can still keep it under control but I really enjoy being drunk, a little too much. It's the only moment when I'm genuinely feeling happy and optimistic.

For example, right now I've been drinking somewhat heavily (by my standards) for several days in a row. I've been drunk twice since saturday, every single time I've drank alone. Yesterday I drank a lot of wine during christmas lunch with my family, then I got home and in the evening shitfaced and blacked out completely by drinking whiskey and then washing it down with absinthe. I genuinely can't wait for the christmas break to be over so I can go back to work and not drink the day away like I'm doing now, I am aware that I am going down the slippery slope with this shit. But what can I do, it makes me feel better than any pill, than anything else that I tried in the past few years!

I want to die so badly. GOD DAMN! FUCK! MY! LIFE!

I am so angry and filled to the brim with pure hatred for myself and for the world.

 

[SVEN]

I've been there a few years ago, going from being a non drinker to finishing up putting away a litre of cheap, generic vodka a day. Burning away my wages & my health.
Latterly I was drinking just to stop the DTs, hangovers and withdrawal symptoms.
Only way that worked for me was just to stop ... hellish hard, but can be done.
Best wishes.

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

It sounds like you really don't want to drink, and that the holidays are just making it worse. I hope that when the time comes for work, it will give you motivation to stop going down the slippery slope. This 30th December, I will be sober for a year, after drinking just about my whole life since age 13 and my body starting to fail in the worst way I never thought possible. It sounds like you already know you don't want to go there, I wish you all the best in strength to find a way away from that.

 

[yowai]

You might think you still have control but sounds like you're already addicted and you'll be way too deep in it when you finally realize you don't actually have any control. You need to find something else to help you cope and look for some help in managing your emotions before drinking becomes your only method of coping and consumes the rest of your identity. It'll only make you more miserable in the long run since it's a depressant and then you'll depend on it even more. Sucks to be there and I hope you'll have the strength to get through this :(

 

[death_bed221]

The trick for me is to only drink beer. I can drink like 10 beers and not get drunk. I just get a little buzz which can be enough to survive a day. When I start drinkin liquor things get bad really quick. Drinking beer is my only source of happiness and I am never giving it up. Most people get human connection, friends and a loving partner in life. Don't feel bad for drinking. Just move away from the hard stuff, take breaks and drink a shit ton of water. Even people like us deserve some good times

 

[pointblank]

I am so bored, dissatisfied with life, and most of all LONELY AS FUCK that my only companion most of the time is the bottle. I never fucking drank before the last 6 months, but I had run out of copium so I decided to "try" alcohol. My usage steadily increased and now I have to drink almost everyday and I have cravings for alcohol.
I can still keep it under control but I really enjoy being drunk, a little too much. It's the only moment when I'm genuinely feeling happy and optimistic.

For example, right now I've been drinking somewhat heavily (by my standards) for several days in a row. I've been drunk twice since saturday, every single time I've drank alone. Yesterday I drank a lot of wine during christmas lunch with my family, then I got home and in the evening shitfaced and blacked out completely by drinking whiskey and then washing it down with absinthe. I genuinely can't wait for the christmas break to be over so I can go back to work and not drink the day away like I'm doing now, I am aware that I am going down the slippery slope with this shit. But what can I do, it makes me feel better than any pill, than anything else that I tried in the past few years!

I want to die so badly. GOD DAMN! FUCK! MY! LIFE!

I am so angry and filled to the brim with pure hatred for myself and for the world.

That last bit is concerning me. Do you have outlets for that or do you have any plans in healing that?

 

[Forveleth]

...now I have to drink almost everyday and I have cravings for alcohol.
I can still keep it under control...

These two sentences are in direct conflict with one another. If you have to drink, you are not in control anymore.

 

[dontwakemeup]

It sounds like you're already slid down the slippery slope I'm not one to beat you when you're down tho.

The great thing you said is, "I'm becoming an alcoholic!" You already acknowledged you have a problem, which is the 1st step. I suggest you wrap this up quickly because from your post it sounds like you already are an alcoholic.

Prove yourself wrong and try to go a day without any alcohol and see if you can do it and how you feel. You don't want to be an alcoholic, it's a lonely and miserable path. I suggest you try attending some AA meetings now, before it's too late.

 

[sunsetting]

It's not fine but also not unusual, at least you admit it while the majority of our planet just takes pride in it. You're not a bad person for it, some of us get into other ways to escape reality and they all hurt ya one way or another.

 

[joyfulegirl999]

I am so bored, dissatisfied with life, and most of all LONELY AS FUCK that my only companion most of the time is the bottle. I never fucking drank before the last 6 months, but I had run out of copium so I decided to "try" alcohol. My usage steadily increased and now I have to drink almost everyday and I have cravings for alcohol.
I can still keep it under control but I really enjoy being drunk, a little too much. It's the only moment when I'm genuinely feeling happy and optimistic.

For example, right now I've been drinking somewhat heavily (by my standards) for several days in a row. I've been drunk twice since saturday, every single time I've drank alone. Yesterday I drank a lot of wine during christmas lunch with my family, then I got home and in the evening shitfaced and blacked out completely by drinking whiskey and then washing it down with absinthe. I genuinely can't wait for the christmas break to be over so I can go back to work and not drink the day away like I'm doing now, I am aware that I am going down the slippery slope with this shit. But what can I do, it makes me feel better than any pill, than anything else that I tried in the past few years!

I want to die so badly. GOD DAMN! FUCK! MY! LIFE!

I am so angry and filled to the brim with pure hatred for myself and for the world.

I also really enjoy drinking, weed, and other substances anything to get that feeling of completion. I totally understand where you are coming from addiction is so difficult, but I am so proud of you for being able to identify that it is wrong, harmful to yourself and that it can fuck up your future. I suggest trying to slow down the portions of alcohol because it can really ruin your liver lol . Best of luck my friend!

 

[Lo$t95]

I am so bored, dissatisfied with life, and most of all LONELY AS FUCK that my only companion most of the time is the bottle. I never fucking drank before the last 6 months, but I had run out of copium so I decided to "try" alcohol. My usage steadily increased and now I have to drink almost everyday and I have cravings for alcohol.
I can still keep it under control but I really enjoy being drunk, a little too much. It's the only moment when I'm genuinely feeling happy and optimistic.

For example, right now I've been drinking somewhat heavily (by my standards) for several days in a row. I've been drunk twice since saturday, every single time I've drank alone. Yesterday I drank a lot of wine during christmas lunch with my family, then I got home and in the evening shitfaced and blacked out completely by drinking whiskey and then washing it down with absinthe. I genuinely can't wait for the christmas break to be over so I can go back to work and not drink the day away like I'm doing now, I am aware that I am going down the slippery slope with this shit. But what can I do, it makes me feel better than any pill, than anything else that I tried in the past few years!

I want to die so badly. GOD DAMN! FUCK! MY! LIFE!

I am so angry and filled to the brim with pure hatred for myself and for the world.

The day it hits that you can't stop will surprise you. (Honestly it hit me like a brick-wall I thought dealing with addictions was one of my strengths). You WILL NOT see it coming…

Stop before it's too late.