Venting i am an idiot

[tempest_]

my best friend who has benzos won't give them to me because my dumbass told her what i need them for. i could've just lied. i'm such an idiot. partial hanging w/o benzos is so difficult. like yeah sure i could just get wasted but that's not enough for me. no matter how drunk i get (mind you, i used to be an alcoholic), i'm still "here" if that makes sense. like i'm still fully aware and stuff. i have an overactive, paranoid, pussy ass brain that never ever shuts up. i could have the most secure, reliable setup and my bitchass brain would still have me bugging over potentially failing somehow.

whateva…gotta embrace the suck, i guess.