Venting I am a selfish bastard

[Ameya]

Quick vent

I have food, water, familie, a partner, friends and I am young and have "opportunities"

Yet I want none of that shit. I want to die. Now that I am older, people respect me more. They don't treat me as shit. They "listen". But in my worst moments growing up. I had no one, absolutely no one. I was shunned by everyone. I never got real help or support. People text me when they are bored or either ghost me. I do have people who claim to love me. I am thankful, but by dear God I want to fucking die. I don't want to work until I fucking die with 80. I don't want to feel unsupported and unloved all the time and I am the therapist friend. Only useful if people have problems.
I am compared to a lot of people here lucky. I am aware, but for fuvks sake. I feel lonely as fuck and people would mich rather spent time with others then me. Lmao I feel being cheated on by all my loved ones. I don't even know how to describe it.

I don't want to feel fucking lonely anymore.
Now after I cause "no more problems". People like me now, but before I was apparently fucking useless and evil.

I am now an adult, but my child self was treated so unfair. It shaped me forever.

Literally fuck that-

 

[Daxter_87]

I'm so sorry to hear that. You are not a selfish bastard for wanting to die, you have a right to it. And there's no reason to feel guilty for being "privileged" or "lucky".

I know, it's always infinitely easier to say this than to actually put it into practice. But I want to let you know that you are allowed to complain (as much as you want), because your suffering is just as valid as everyone else's.

Best wishes.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Having the wish to die and to leave this world is understandable and it's a human right. It's certainly not selfish and you don't have to feel guilty for that! I hope you can find peace!

 

[90starve]

i could never see the choice to take your life as selfish! i too would be considered lucky compared to a lot of people on this forum -but we all have our reasons, and they are every bit as valid as each other <3

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Suicide is a personal choice and it's up to you if you are want to die or not. Most humans are selfish and only wants to be associated with you to gain something be it being the therapist friend or even just being there to bond whilst gossiping others.

I find it fascinating that people will always leave the part where they will ask why did you do that to someone etc, there is always a reason for what I have done and this whole who started what everyone knows but it's just that they lie better and manipulate the situations to a whole different level to make themselves look like victims and also to the extent of making up lies. To me that's the next level of evilness.

My mum rarely calls anyone a devil in fact she only called one person a devil in her life and that was that guy and she literally told me to block him and I remember that day she said you remember what I told you about this guy years ago she said I told you to stop being friends with this guy and now he is involved with the girls etc and it wasn't until he came to my mum and lied to her hahaha! The thing I'm saying here is some people and their evilness have no bounds because some people couldn't grasp on why I continued being friends with someone that did all of those things that I said he did but I was too weak and I hoped he will change as he claimed after becoming a father.

I hate him to the core and he is the person I hate the most among all the living beings and nothing of that sort is going to change. I remember him saying we should look for avatars friends and we should even add more lies and make sure her friends comes to our side and that we should also make sure that she doesn't have anyone to cry on and also we should look for her boyfriend on social media so that's she will have no one. Ahahaha I remember everything and every little thing he said and now she is his bestie hahah she just doesn't know this and she is just dumb as he lied to her as usual but then she said some terrible things about him on the phone and even asked me why I even went on his Facebook ( I knew this was true because I had gone on his Facebook page then next to my ex and showed my ex a specific message and I did that because I was suspicious of my ex speaking to him and the next day that message was deleted). So when sh told me that I knew he had told her and it was true, I mean even this avatar kept on screaming on the phone saying you should have told me he said this about me and I would have never reached out to him and she kept on saying how he went too far and she wanted to punish him and report him to immigration etc…. I remember even this Avatar saying I had missed you bla bla and I want you to be my date to Elizabeth's wedding Hahahhahaha! She was shifting the blame saying I'm sick of your friends and your niece involving me and bringing me drama when she herself was very much involved in that mess and at the time I just didn't know to what extent. She even warned me saying someone in my family was killing me slowly and it will be too late before I realised it and bingo it was my younger niece that she was referring to ( I wish then I had asked her more questions and stuff) I mean even the guy said Avatar destroyed your life when he was just as involved and at least avatar as you say didn't go and hack me unlike him and that racist man that would deny speaking to him saying oh I would never speak to that ugly c!nt , I would never speak to that ugly sub Saharan baboon.

 

[FuneralCry]

The reality is that there could never be anything wrong with wanting to escape from this existence that we were so cruelly burdened with in the first place, to me the true selfish thing is deciding to procreate, wanting to leave is always a valid way to feel, to me it's always preferable to not exist than to be trapped here just waiting around to die anyway, destined for nothing but to decay. Existing is so dreadful to me and it's always up to the individual when to leave, we aren't obligated to continue, I see nobody who exists in this dreadful world as being really lucky, I only envy those who no longer exist.