Menhera Chan
Rather be asleep than stay awake
- Feb 13, 2023
- 13
Another year, and its worse and worse every time, my boyfriend of almost over a year distanced himself from me and broke up with me. All my best friends ive had for nearly a decade left me because they cant handle me and my thoughts anymore. Ive self isolated and now most of my friends rarely talk to me. I scare people off, people tell me to kill myself, make fun of the way i look, and i hate the way i look more than ever, being slightly on the chubbier side i cant even control due to meds and medical conditions. I barely have the motivation to get out of bed, ive lost passion for the things i loved. Ive started purposely sexualizing myself so guys will love me and find me attractive, because otherwise they would never genuinely love me. I let them use me so I feel like I have some sort of use and worth. All the people I talk to are online now. My family hates that im always on my phone. Im doing terribly in my classes. I barely sleep or sleep too much. I have no future really. Yet i am told i am selfish for wanting to die. Ive wanted to for years, but i dont for others. I do everything for others. But the one thing i want to do for myself, i am being told no. I dont get it. Why. Why? Its all bullshit. And i just hope someone else takes my life so i cant be called selfish for it. Therapy is so useless, and so are these dumbass meds.
