I always kind of knew how my life will end. Do you knew about yours?

[Vegrau]

Those thoughtless wishes I spoken out loud back when I was young. Now became my reality. For me fate is something that can never be change. Past decide our choices and our choices decide the future. I never have any control over my life. I always knew how my life will end.

But what about you?

 

[funnyvalentine]

I had 2 suicides of very close family members ( one parent, one brother of parent ) and when that happened I knew I would end up eventually the same way.

 

[stargazer]

I suppose I did, without realising it until my late teens exactly what "it" was and would "mean." Ah, the innocence of childhood.
So yes, I think I always knew.
My friend in the real world left by train only a few months ago, I never knew, no warning signs, I just heard from a friend of a friend, at least he's hopefully in a better place

 

[Donewith_]

When I was 6 or 7 , I used to feel something is wrong. Used to have that helplessness. I don't know how to put it in words but I think felt something similar.

 

[worldexploder]

For about 12 years now I could never see myself going by natural causes unless it was sudden. I felt like I'd CTB eventually. Eventually is going to be soon.

 

[lost illusions]

I did speak up, got told to quit complaining. Life is a bitch and we are all pups. Ps she's hungry

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

The topic never hit me strongly until fairly recently. The only question now is when I ctb.

During one of my walks I saw a family loading up an old man into a car. They were doing a piss-poor job too, the apparent father was holding the man under his armpits, while the wife held his ankles while the old man was flailing around and screaming in pain.

The only question now is whether the hospital agrees to drill into my head. If they do, I'll try to enjoy life till about 60yo, if they don't, and if all goes well, I'll ctb on the exact day.

 

[Vegrau]

I did speak up, got told to quit complaining. Life is a bitch and we are all pups. Ps she's hungry

Hahaha I cant deny that.

 

[Vegrau]

The topic never hit me strongly until fairly recently. The only question now is when I ctb.

During one of my walks I saw a family loading up an old man into a car. They were doing a piss-poor job too, the apparent father was holding the man under his armpits, while the wife held his ankles while the old man was flailing around and screaming in pain.

The only question now is whether the hospital agrees to drill into my head. If they do, I'll try to enjoy life till about 60yo, if they don't, and if all goes well, I'll ctb on the exact day.

I cant imagine myself to live until 60. I feel that I have already live far far too long. I just want it to end.

 

[concededarc]

For years now I've envisioned my descent from happiness as falling. Whenever I think about myself I would feel a sensation of tumbling through the darkness and I've come to crave it so bad.

Now that I've scheduled a time to jump to my death I find that I was actually on to something this whole time.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Yeah, as a kid I was terrified of everything. I grew up anti-social and nihilistic. Now I'm majorly depressed and misanthropic. Through every stage of my life, I dreaded what was coming next. I never knew how I was going to survive or get through anything. I dropped out of college 12 years ago, knowing full well I wasn't going to be able to hold a job or function as an adult. Now I'm just surviving day to day by whatever means necessary, waiting for some large object to fall from the sky and kill me. Looking back, I could never really see any other outcome besides ctb.

 

[Vegrau]

For years now I've envisioned my descent from happiness as falling. Whenever I think about myself I would feel a sensation of tumbling through the darkness and I've come to crave it so bad.

Now that I've scheduled a time to jump to my death I find that I was actually on to something this whole time.

I guess it have been imprinted on us all along isn't it.

 

[sadak_the_wanderer]

I was always a loser of a child and was unhappy. I had a brief period of hope when I was seventeen.

By the time I turned nineteen, I had medical confirmation of an illness I had suspected since I was eighteen. Many options for a life were lost to me at that point: children, marriage, old age, health, and so forth. I had thought that I might have at least made myself resigned to a more minimal set of expectations, but that adaptation has not come to pass. Indeed, at each step where I have reduced my dreams, it has not been enough; reality still disappoints.

I've come across journals even when I was in my early twenties and it was clear that I was miserable then. "It gets better" would have then been a lie. I don't hold out any hope that it has suddenly become true.

 

[muretax]

Ever since I was a kid, I always knew that I wouldn't live to grow old, that I would die rather young. I'm currently at the point where I feel as if it's my time to go and that I just have to get the ball rolling and the more I think about it and plan to ctb the more I feel like this is what I'm supposed to be doing

 

[Jodes]

I never saw it coming.

My childhood was full of ambition and potential.

My adulthood repeatedly fucked me.

But at age 5, I do actually remember saying and thinking a few times something like "I wish I was dead".

 

[concededarc]

I guess it have been imprinted on us all along isn't it.

Lol sure feels that way.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I cant imagine myself to live until 60. I feel that I have already live far far too long. I just want it to end.

hah! funny story - i met a guy i used to work with when i was like... 16...
We had a little chat while he reached for the tobacco I was trying to buy and suddenly he blurts out "you know, Compo, I never thought you'd live to 29. Like, literally, at the time it looked so surreal!"
The guy is practically a prophet and he doesn't know it. lol

 

[BurningLights]

I always said I'd either end up in prison, a psychiatric hospital or dead by the time I was 25.
Never resided in either and I'm way past my expirey date.

 

[Threads]

I die by my own hand. No one can take that from me.

 

[Vegrau]

hah! funny story - i met a guy i used to work with when i was like... 16...
We had a little chat while he reached for the tobacco I was trying to buy and suddenly he blurts out "you know, Compo, I never thought you'd live to 29. Like, literally, at the time it looked so surreal!"
The guy is practically a prophet and he doesn't know it. lol

Who knows perhaps he saw it in you or perhaps we have been living this life so many times already over and over again that some memories got carried over through the cycles.. thats what I think anyway. Maybe we have just been living in repeat.

 

[Vegrau]

I always said I'd either end up in prison, a psychiatric hospital or dead by the time I was 25.
Never resided in either and I'm way past my expirey date.

Same I should have died back then. I just live on borrowed time. Its time to face my fate.. I tried to redeem myself but I am not allowed even that. I guess the darkness really miss me and want me back quickly hahaha

 

[Vegrau]

I die by my own hand. No one can take that from me.

Its the only thing we have for certain after all.

 

[LetMeDiePlease]

I know I would die from suicide the moment I stepped on this forum.

 

[stargazer]

And I wish it would end already

 

[Sinbad]

I always knew I would die from a fall. I remember telling my mother that when I was like 6 years old. At that time I thought i would fall due to an accident (suicide wasn't part of my dictionary back then)
Jumping from a bridge is still my number one option.. But I will try my luck with N first, after hearing so much about it.

 

[Vegrau]

I always knew I would die from a fall. I remember telling my mother that when I was like 6 years old. At that time I thought i would fall due to an accident (suicide wasn't part of my dictionary back then)
Jumping from a bridge is still my number one option.. But I will try my luck with N first, after hearing so much about it.

N is the best choice of all.

 

[TAW122]

I did, and the time in my life when I hit an epiphany on the meaning of life, well I've decided that it only has value because we (humans) assigned some value to it. Also, as I gained more knowledge about how fucked up the world is, how little (if anything at all) an individual can even do to affect it, the way people are treated when they simply just want to die (but gets involuntarily committed against their will, treated like a criminal, a problem, defect, etc.), it all just makes me want to die even more. I would say during my teenage years is when I first entertained and thought about suicide. I didn't really ponder deeply until college.

 

[Vegrau]

I did, and the time in my life when I hit an epiphany on the meaning of life, well I've decided that it only has value because we (humans) assigned some value to it. Also, as I gained more knowledge about how fucked up the world is, how little (if anything at all) an individual can even do to affect it, the way people are treated when they simply just want to die (but gets involuntarily committed against their will, treated like a criminal, a problem, defect, etc.), it all just makes me want to die even more. I would say during my teenage years is when I first entertained and thought about suicide. I didn't really ponder deeply until college.

Toiling for a life we never asked for is just silly. What for isnt it? I guess we are similar. I started thinking about it in highschool and from then I have always wanted to die. Until I met him.. the time where I am truly happy. Yet even him is taken from me and so this life proven itself to be truly nothing more than a pile of garbage.

 

[lost illusions]

Toiling for a life we never asked for is just silly. What for isnt it? I guess we are similar. I started thinking about it in highschool and from then I have always wanted to die. Until I met him.. the time where I am truly happy. Yet even him is taken from me and so this life proven itself to be truly nothing more than a pile of garbage.

At least you got that experience of finding someone. It's something worth remembering

 

[Vegrau]

At least you got that experience of finding someone. It's something worth remembering

Yes thats true I will never let go of him. The memories we both share.. I really want to see him again though yet I knew I wont..