catman
Wizard
- Oct 11, 2021
- 13
its been several several years, but i havent made any progress in improving my mental health, or much of anything. ive always had some sort of pathetic hope but theres some things i cant change or are way too hard to change. theres no way erasing a lifetime of abuse and neglect, nor can i pretend ill just wake up one day and stop being this ugly person, i know this deep down.
why go even another day? im so tired. im exhausted. i went on zoloft again, nothing. its sad, because sometimes i feel i could have attempted and succeeded earlier if my depression/other undiagnosed mental illness issues didnt make getting out of bed besides for responsibilities i cannot avoid, impossible.
im completely estranged from all family, mostly my choice after a total breakdown. they havent tried hard to reach out or find me, and the fact that all this time, they wouldnt know if i was dead or alive, hurts so much. that i feel like i should just die, in this case. ive never gotten any recognition. every day is boring, insufferable, and i have to remember how worthless and ugly i am.
im going to be trying the slip knot partial hanging. i know im still scared, both of failing, and whatever happens after. or failing and being worse off after. i dont know. wish me luck.
why go even another day? im so tired. im exhausted. i went on zoloft again, nothing. its sad, because sometimes i feel i could have attempted and succeeded earlier if my depression/other undiagnosed mental illness issues didnt make getting out of bed besides for responsibilities i cannot avoid, impossible.
im completely estranged from all family, mostly my choice after a total breakdown. they havent tried hard to reach out or find me, and the fact that all this time, they wouldnt know if i was dead or alive, hurts so much. that i feel like i should just die, in this case. ive never gotten any recognition. every day is boring, insufferable, and i have to remember how worthless and ugly i am.
im going to be trying the slip knot partial hanging. i know im still scared, both of failing, and whatever happens after. or failing and being worse off after. i dont know. wish me luck.