Help I almost want to tell everyone everything

[WaitingForTheBusInTh]

Ok so I know I only just got free of my mom but, with 2 weeks away things are starting to feel really real. And like most here, I'm terrified of brain damage.
My method is partial out in the woods and I plan to bring water/blankets/snacks in my car in case I chicken out. But what if something happens where I'm found or something and wind up with brain damage to where I can't consent to MAID? If I'm caught with no brain damage that's one thing, but brain damage is.....
And so now with my deadline approaching, I'm getting scared and contemplating coming completely clean to everyone. I know that would get me immediately in a hospital for god knows how long, and I really don't want to go. Maybe things would eventually get better? Seems like a far cry though. I've really screwed the pooch with two horrible jobs which have left me with two bad references. I have savings but those are gonna run out before the year is up probably. I couldn't even get a job in customer service, which I've worked all my life. Now granted it was more than min wage and so maybe I'd still be able to get a min wage job if/when I was released. I'd probably end up stuck at home for a long while with my homophobic brother and my mom and her boyfriend hate videogames with a passion.
I wish I could see a few months into the future to see what the results would be and if they were worth sticking around to find out. I'm tired of spending my days intermittently crying and not being able to talk about what I'm going through honestly. Kind of a vent more than a help tag but I honestly don't know what to do. Not that I can really expect anyone to have answers lol

 

[booray]

The "deadline" to which you refer is completely artificial. Nobody is holding you to it, and if you decide to miss it, you can always reschedule it. If you want to tell everyone everything, then perhaps you should and see how things play out.

 

[whywere]

I TOTALLY agree with @booray as far as his/her comments. I have had 2 attempts and brain damage would be the WORST of the WORST aspect. You have alot going for you , positive wise, and I, from my experiences, would just take ample time and consider everything. I love, care and have lots empathy and support for you!!! Walter

 

[WaitingForTheBusInTh]

The "deadline" to which you refer is completely artificial. Nobody is holding you to it, and if you decide to miss it, you can always reschedule it. If you want to tell everyone everything, then perhaps you should and see how things play out.

My problem is that life isnt like games where you can quick save before you do something stupid and just reload if it goes poorly. You have to sit in whatever choice you make. That choice paralysis and fear of consequence is what gets me. Granted that probably makes me sound super childish.
I'm the person who looks up the results of a choice in games for every choice to make sure I dont make the wrong one.

I TOTALLY agree with @booray as far as his/her comments. I have had 2 attempts and brain damage would be the WORST of the WORST aspect. You have alot going for you , positive wise, and I, from my experiences, would just take ample time and consider everything. I love, care and have lots empathy and support for you!!! Walter

Thanks for the kind words but I really dont see what I've got going for me... no job means no money which means no life in this world

 

[whywere]

My problem is that life isnt like games where you can quick save before you do something stupid and just reload if it goes poorly. You have to sit in whatever choice you make. That choice paralysis and fear of consequence is what gets me. Granted that probably makes me sound super childish.
I'm the person who looks up the results of a choice in games for every choice to make sure I dont make the wrong one.

Thanks for the kind words but I really dont see what I've got going for me... no job means no money which means no life in this world

I am 64 years young almost 65! I have very little money and I am comfortable in my life, so far! Being older does NOT make me smarter BUT I do have life experience on my side. With that aspect said I have through the years been with no job, little money and have had it touch and go whether I was even going to have a roof over my head, BUT..BUT, it is ALWAYS darkest before dawn and then I would get a offer for a new job and alot of the money worries would be gone. Right NOW, I was laid off last year, 06.24.2020 from my job becasue of Covid-19 and I have NOT found anything yet. I am burning through what little savings I have BUT I have a interview this coming Monday for a new job that I want and I hope will get. I am sending you all mu SUPPORT that things WILL get better for you!! Walter (Yes, Walter is my real first name)

 

[booray]

My problem is that life isnt like games where you can quick save before you do something stupid and just reload if it goes poorly. You have to sit in whatever choice you make. That choice paralysis and fear of consequence is what gets me. Granted that probably makes me sound super childish.
I'm the person who looks up the results of a choice in games for every choice to make sure I dont make the wrong one.

I scrolled through your prior posts and I see that you are "only" 24. I say "only" because you are still young and you are allowed to make some wrong choices. I on the other hand, am 59, and I made some terrible choices in recent years which is why I'm here now. I will have to live with the consequences of my wrong choices, as I can't undo them, nor do I have the benefit of time to make new choices. What I'm saying is that it is not too late for you, as it sounds like you're unsure about this and you have the benefit of time, in that you have many years ahead of you to make new choices if you don't ctb.

 

[GarageKarate07]

It's not too late for any of us. We can all choose to find a way forward from here. Yes it Will be hard and scary. It always has been for everyone.

 

[Makko]

Telling anyone anything? Over my dead body.