jigsaw_falling
if there’s an afterlife i’ll be pissed
- Jan 25, 2023
- 70
i finished my exams on friday, i've finished school, and now i guess i have time before i go to university. it felt like i'm no longer in the middle of something- a part of my life has ended, so good timing to end my whole life i guess. i went to therapy, and on the way back i got off at a stop, walked to where i know the train tracks are. i climbed on the wall, and kind of just stood there, on pole that i've have to pull myself up from to get onto the tracks.
but i didn't, i just stood there, for 20 minutes, like an idiot, waiting for any people to pass by. i ended up crying and being too scared, and i got back down from the pole and the wall. i called my best friend, and told her to come where i was because she lives near. i told her what happened because she knows i'm suicidal and she is too, and she genuinely made me feel more safe.
but now i wish i did do it, i didn't even attempt to ctb, but it's the closest i've gotten. i want to try again, actually this time, im just so scared. my friend made me feel happy and safe, but that doesn't last and my life is the same. i still don't want to be here, i don't know what to do with myself. i wish i was dead.
but i didn't, i just stood there, for 20 minutes, like an idiot, waiting for any people to pass by. i ended up crying and being too scared, and i got back down from the pole and the wall. i called my best friend, and told her to come where i was because she lives near. i told her what happened because she knows i'm suicidal and she is too, and she genuinely made me feel more safe.
but now i wish i did do it, i didn't even attempt to ctb, but it's the closest i've gotten. i want to try again, actually this time, im just so scared. my friend made me feel happy and safe, but that doesn't last and my life is the same. i still don't want to be here, i don't know what to do with myself. i wish i was dead.