Help i afraid to hurt my partner.

[KajeSan]

im planning on taking my own life, but i really don't want to hurt my partner.
soon they are returning to their homeland, to their family and friends. i know they can enjoy life, but they're also litteraly obsessed with me.
i just don't know what should i do.
i really want them to be alright, but i don't want to be alive.
please, if anyone has a suggestion on how to hurt them less, i would appreciate it.
i know i soon would loose control over myself and kill myself.
but while its possible, i want to make sure that they won't get hurt by this.

 

[Namensjemand]

Don't have them find you is the first no-brainer. We are sensual beings. And it could help guilt (I should have been there sooner).
A farewell letter reflecting on the situation and encouraging to make peace with it.

Those are the obvious ones

Sorry it came this way.

 

[DynamicDepression]

I'm in a somewhat similar situation and so I'm just going by what I'll be doing:

I think the most important thing is to leave a letter behind explaining everything and making sure that they understand that it is not their fault and that nothing they could have done would have changed the outcome. Depending on how much your partner knows about your situation, it may be helpful to write as much as possible in your letter so that they will be able to understand why you decided to CTB. I don't know you or your partner, but I can assume that most people in this situation would be left wondering just what they could have done differently, which is why I think it's so very important to repeatedly reassure them that it was inevitable. And as the poster above me said, making sure your partner isn't the one to find your body is very important. If they did, it would only make the trauma much worse.

I'm very sorry to hear that you are hurting so badly that you have come to this conclusion. I wish you the best whatever happens.

 

[FuneralCry]

I agree about leaving a letter, it could mean that those left behind are less likely to be left with as many unanswered questions, a letter could act as an explanation, I think it's better than leaving nothing but anyway best wishes, I think that death will always make people sad no matter what but none of us are obligated to suffer until we die anyway, losing people is inevitable as long as one exists here.

 

[KajeSan]

they won't find my body - that's for sure
but the thing is that me leaving them in any way, would likely to do irreversible damage to them at this point, since im the only thing they're living for.
i see how their situation doesn't gets better, and we'll be separated for a huge amount of time, only being able to text and call eachother, and very likely that will commit cbt (they tried it a lot of times, only the last one would've been successful if ambulance wasn't called) which i wont be able to get over. ever.
and also there's a thing that im one of the people who responsible for their health and wellbeing, and i should check up on them all the time.
so if they die, i won't be able to process the trauma, and it will be my fault that i've let them do this. you could say that im evil by keeping them alive, but the thing is that they themselves don't want to die, and anxious about harming themselves, but in the moments they just can't control themselves and by any means they'll try to ctb.
and every time they tried, every time it was unbelievably painful to me. i thought i'll get used to this, but no. it never gets easier listening this through the phone and waiting for ambulance to come, and weeping while they don't completely realise what they're doing

 

[020x]

only you would know how much your death will hurt your loved ones. leave a note, taking away their guilt. regardless what you'll say, trauma will still hit them. you gotta choose for yourself if you can't take it anymore. don't endlessly suffer for others. unless you can recover and keep going.

 

[KajeSan]

they won't find my body - that's for sure
but the thing is that me leaving them in any way, would likely to do irreversible damage to them at this point, since im the only thing they're living for.
i see how their situation doesn't gets better, and we'll be separated for a huge amount of time, only being able to text and call eachother, and very likely that will commit cbt (they tried it a lot of times, only the last one would've been successful if ambulance wasn't called) which i wont be able to get over. ever.
and also there's a thing that im one of the people who responsible for their health and wellbeing, and i should check up on them all the time.
so if they die, i won't be able to process the trauma, and it will be my fault that i've let them do this. you could say that im evil by keeping them alive, but the thing is that they themselves don't want to die, and anxious about harming themselves, but in the moments they just can't control themselves and by any means they'll try to ctb.
and every time they tried, every time it was unbelievably painful to me. i thought i'll get used to this, but no. it never gets easier listening this through the phone and waiting for ambulance to come, and weeping while they don't completely realise what they're doing

also they do understand my state of mind, and every time i even touch the theme of me killing myself, they completely refuse to let me do this, say that they will kill themselves too, etc.

only you would know how much your death will hurt your loved ones. leave a note, taking away their guilt. regardless what you'll say, trauma will still hit them. you gotta choose for yourself if you can't take it anymore. don't endlessly suffer for others. unless you can recover and keep going.

i know most likely i will never recover, but im okay with feeling absolutely miserable for the rest of my life, if it makes them feel better even a little. but im not sure for how long i'll be able to control myself, as suicide becomes almost the only thing i think about, and i feel that i barely control myself

 

[020x]

also they do understand my state of mind, and every time i even touch the theme of me killing myself, they completely refuse to let me do this, say that they will kill themselves too, etc.

i know most likely i will never recover, but im okay with feeling absolutely miserable for the rest of my life, if it makes them feel better even a little. but im not sure for how long i'll be able to control myself, as suicide becomes almost the only thing i think about, and i feel that i barely control myself

impulsively deciding such actions is a normal thing to worry about. don't blame yourself for it. many people fear they'll lose control when they're at their worst emotional state that is hard to maintain bearable at that moment that they immediately want to end the pain. my advice would be to talk to your partner about what's bothering you. sure that person will feel little sad knowing what their partner goes through, but it's better for both of you. because the ones that actually love you, will do everything to keep you happy.