Help i accidentally told friend I'm on a suicide forum

[bakenohana]

What does someone do in this situation? for context while SaSu was down I was kinda freaking out because I've grown so attached to this place so quickly and I only really have 1 big circle of friends. I talked about this place without directly saying anything about it, they got curious because i kept talking about it and me being the oversharing idiot i am I told them about it because I didn't fully realize what I just did. I didn't name it but I did give a lot of hints which lead them to an article (unfortunately one heavily demonizing this place like usual). they saw it and acted like SaSu was the spawn of satan basically and that they 'Hope i get out of this" (). that aside, my main concern isn't that they know this place exists, Even if they found me (which they would because my profile is really really obvious) i couldn't care less if they see me talk about suicide lol i do that in our server everyday. The concern is that even though they said they wouldn't stalk and that they don't know the name of this place bc the article didn't state it, I'm still convinced they do know and I reply to threads pretty frequently from time to time (especially any regarding trans topics or dysphoria) im really worried they'll find me or already have found me and through that they'll find out im not cis because for the past 4 months I've been presenting myself as a cis guy to them. I know I got myself into this by being stupid but I don't know what to do from here. I know they would be supportive but i really do not want them to start treating me like a "trans person" and I've always told myself if they do I'll leave or ghost everyone from that group indefinitely, no matter how much i enjoy their company. Do i just leave them? change my profile? believe them when they say they don't know the name and wouldn't try look for me? i love my profile so even changing it is kinda hard lol. The idea of them knowing has been eating at my brain since it happened idk what to do fuck. does anyone have any advice i don't know if anyone has ever been in a similar situation. i could just leave but a big downside to leaving is that we all play a game together and they're pretty much the only reason im motivated to keep playing consistently because everyones always available to play together. this post is probs stupid but stupid people make stupid posts. this is public so if you're secretly seeing this hi i guess

 

[sanctionedusage]

prepare for the worst and hope for the best. i just don't understand how someone who actually doesn't want to be found would ever utter anything about the site or the topic, especially after just 2 weeks. be honest with yourself; and if you'd actually like to be noticed, acknowledged, and helped, then seek it out seriously. you have a lot of friends who sound concerned and serious about you enough to try to figure out the website you might be on, even if they might be kinda ignorant. there's also a recovery forum on here where you'd still get a lot of the same people that make sasu, sasu.