Venting Hypocrite people

[SebVettel5]

One more venting before I try to ctb tonight. Don't you guys hate the fact that when you consider suicide, everybody acts like you're so precious for them?
But when you're actually living in this fucking hellhole, nobody cares about your existence at all.

During my first amateurish ctb attempt (I was 18 and quite naive back then) I swallowed 68 sleeping pills - antidepressants and they took me to ICU, maybe because it was doomed to fail but I definitely couldn't calculate the timing and I was found by my parents. I even opened up the door for them when they arrived at home, with 68 fucking pills inside my stomach. They thought I had a flu or something I don't know. I think they knew it was serious when I passed out after some time.

Whatever, I was found, they took me to ICU, and after few days, I got out of the hospital and my father who beat the shit out of my mother so many times during my childhood, who was inconsiderate about my mental health, came towards me crying, along with my mother. And then my uncle's wife who was working at the same hospital stayed near me for a while and she was also crying. My father told me there were some of my high-school classmates, and even the guy who psychologically bullied me was among them. (he knew he couldn't physically abuse me or I would kick his ass btw.)

And then, after we got to my uncle's home, I saw my cousin, smiling that she's happy to see me there alive.

But the thing is, we don't even talk with these people right now. I mean, it's been years since I've seen them. Well, I'm not fond of them personally to be honest but it feels like it's a ritual for them to cry after somebody that tries to ctb and then completely forget about him. Isn't that a bit hypocritical?

I don't even see those high-school classmates that I was friends with that frequently. We were supposed to arrange a meeting after a long time, even though they knew I'm supposed to be in Australia in a relatively short time, they didn't seem too interested to gather up for one last fucking time. I was walking around the streets yesterday because I was quite anxious about my plans on ctb, and one of my high-school classmates saw me there while he was in a car and shouted my name and greeted me. I was happy for a short time and then decided to call him to learn where he is so I could come with them and hang around, but he said he has other friends so we better meet next Saturday. This guy was the one who, as my father said, cried a lot when I was in the intensive care unit. His other friends are too precious for him so he keeps them away from me for some reason.

TLDR; Once you ctb, everybody acts like they care about you and tell you how you matter for them, but when you're actually alive nobody gives a shit about you and they have other people to spend their time with.

 

[waitingforrest]

Yeah, it was only after multiple vists to the psych wards was when people and bullies started lovebombing me for a week. Then radio silent again.

They liked the idea of rescuing a suicidal person more than the person itself. And dropped as soon as it was no longer convienient for them.

It's funny how people act.

 

[SamTam33]

It's like the pro-life/anti-abortion political parties that only want the baby to be born. Then they vote against any kind of bills that would help those babies afterwards.

It's like people's sole purpose is for you to breathe and exist. They don't give 2 shits about anything else. I consider myself a fantastic empathizer but I can't begin to understand that mindset.

You want me to live but aren't willing to contribute to my life in any meaningful way? WTF.

I figure it's boils down to programming, brainwashing, propaganda etc.

From the time we are born, society trains us to value life and nothing else.

Like when you see a news story and the person's house burns down or is washed away by a hurricane and every single one of them says something like, "The house can be replaced... but at least I have my life!"

Your value to society comes from your existence, not your happiness.

Work and pay taxes. You don't need to be happy to do that. You only need to be alive.

 

[SebVettel5]

It's like the pro-life/anti-abortion political parties that only want the baby to be born. Then they vote against any kind of bills that would help those babies afterwards.

It's like people's sole purpose is for you to breathe and exist. They don't give 2 shits about anything else. I consider myself a fantastic empathizer but I can't begin to understand that mindset.

You want me to live but aren't willing to contribute to my life in any meaningful way? WTF.

I figure it's boils down to programming, brainwashing, propaganda etc.

From the time we are born, society trains us to value life and nothing else.

Like when you see a news story and the person's house burns down or is washed away by a hurricane and every single one of them says something like, "The house can be replaced... but at least I have my life!"

Your value to society comes from your existence, not your happiness.

Work and pay taxes. You don't need to be happy to do that. You only need to be alive.

I couldn't have said it better myself, thank you!

 

[makethepainstop]

Dude they all cry if you survive ctb, where if the same people had been actively engaged with you and your life, you might not have felt the need to ctb.

 

[hellispink]

People don't use the braincells usually. They are very clueless, I want to think. I don't know if on purpose or not but, the hypocrisy is so high these days. They don't want anyone to die but they let young people feel bad about their bodies because of social media, they make sterotypes and so much shit that is like bro, they want to torture so they actually do it. Society sees everything as monetary gain. When a person ctb, that is money loss right there.

 

[SebVettel5]

People don't use the braincells usually. They are very clueless, I want to think. I don't know if on purpose or not but, the hypocrisy is so high these days. They don't want anyone to die but they let young people feel bad about their bodies because of social media, they make sterotypes and so much shit that is like bro, they want to torture so they actually do it. Society sees everything as monetary gain. When a person ctb, that is money loss right there.

I definitely agree. We're useful as long as we live. I don't know if it has been exactly like that through history, but at certain point we've decided to exert authority on people's body.

You know what, it hasn't always been like that actually. In Ancient Greece, state or polis would provide you poison if you requested it. Well, you needed to present a reason for your ctb'ing but those reasons were flexible and basically anybody could get their poisons, provided by that state.

And also abortion wasn't as stigmatized as it is now. Even Plato advocates for infanticide on certain occasions. I don't necessarily agree with him but I just wanted to point it out to show how those people were indifferent to abortion, unlike the times we're living in.

And then there were philosophies like Cynicism and Stoicism which permit suicide if you can't handle the burdens of your life.

When you look back, it's kind of difficult not to notice the decadence that we're facing in our times. I mean, of course Ancient Greeks and Romans were far from being perfect but they were definitely doing much better than the Dark Ages and still had much better aspects in their civilizations. Direct democracy can be an example for that. We elect our rulers that tell us what to do or what not to do, at least the people of the Greek cities had a say in their politics, the ones that had real democracy.

But whatever, it's kind of depressing to see that we lost some beneficial parts of the civilization and we let others to direct our lives and decide on our bodies.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's just the way that people are and will always be. A lot of people only care about what directly affects themselves and many people pretend to care just to make themselves feel better.

 

[StolenLife]

I only ever got the fake worry from one person who abandoned me later. My shit family made my suicide attempt at 16 about themselves and the rest didn't care. How can anyone defend the shit that goes on this awful planet is beyond me.

 

[Justnotme]

I definitely agree. We're useful as long as we live. I don't know if it has been exactly like that through history, but at certain point we've decided to exert authority on people's body.

You know what, it hasn't always been like that actually. In Ancient Greece, state or polis would provide you poison if you requested it. Well, you needed to present a reason for your ctb'ing but those reasons were flexible and basically anybody could get their poisons, provided by that state.

And also abortion wasn't as stigmatized as it is now. Even Plato advocates for infanticide on certain occasions. I don't necessarily agree with him but I just wanted to point it out to show how those people were indifferent to abortion, unlike the times we're living in.

And then there were philosophies like Cynicism and Stoicism which permit suicide if you can't handle the burdens of your life.

When you look back, it's kind of difficult not to notice the decadence that we're facing in our times. I mean, of course Ancient Greeks and Romans were far from being perfect but they were definitely doing much better than the Dark Ages and still had much better aspects in their civilizations. Direct democracy can be an example for that. We elect our rulers that tell us what to do or what not to do, at least the people of the Greek cities had a say in their politics, the ones that had real democracy.

But whatever, it's kind of depressing to see that we lost some beneficial parts of the civilization and we let others to direct our lives and decide on our bodies.

If I'm not mistaken, in ancient Greece people said that they could no longer benefit society for various reasons, so people were given poison.
That is, a person was still treated as a lifeless thing.
Yes, it would be nice to lie and just get the poison, for example.
But it still looked like this: we can't use you anymore, so he lets you die.
We were slaves and we are still slaves

 

[eldiablo666]

The funny thing is , some people do care about your existence but the assholes are over represented and take all attention and joy from you

 

[ForeverLonely82]

I hate that.. it's all fake. They are doing it to give illusion that they actually care about you, but once you are "better" (or grounded is a more proper term) they just go back to doing what they do and go back to ignoring you again. Sad to say it's impossible to find that kind of genuine love and care these days. When I perish, no one will cry, because when drowning in the ocean of mental health issues...I am the only one whos crying. Living with no friends or a family who don't know what love is. what else is there? That's my life.

 

[makethepainstop]

Dude that definitely hurts. I wish I could help you. Sometimes you get to the point you just can't take it anymore.

 

[SebVettel5]

Dude that definitely hurts. I wish I could help you. Sometimes you get to the point you just can't take it anymore.

Thank you, sincerely!

By the way I couldn't ctb yet again. Because the girl I'm in love with, as you might have seen from my other thread, sent me a voice message which made me really happy. But I don't think it will be a permanent thing at the end because she lives kilometres away from me, in a different country. I know she'll eventually find a boyfriend around her circle, so I won't even bother to be honest. But I still don't know., maybe I should do everything in order to get to her but I also ask myself: ''What if I do everything just to be with her and then she eventually dumps me for some reason?'' That would really kill me without actually killing me, making me an undead.

I'm supposed to be in Australia in 2 weeks time, and I won't be able to bring my SN over there! So I have to decide it quickly otherwise I'll find myself in a same monotonous cycle of life which doesn't make any sense to me, which will be without love or any purpose. I wish I could bring SN wherever I want because it gives me the possibility to leave anytime. The right to life can only exist when there's right to die, as David Benatar suggests and by taking our right to die, they make living a responsibility, not a right.