Venting Hypocrisy and double standards

[Sprite_Geist]

Throughout the majority of my life, but especially recently, it seems as though I always anger other people in some way no matter how I act - in the real world. I am mostly a quiet person, and I do not think that there is anything wrong with being quiet. The issue is that this can cause much harassment from other people. What makes this even more frustrating, is that being quiet is not even the reason I keep to myself in the first place! The reason I keep to myself is mainly because I am tired of tolerating the hypocritical expectations of other people.

Others can ignore me or refuse to talk to me, but will become angry if I ignore them. Others are not obligated to smile or be friendly towards me, but I am made to feel obligated to be friendly towards them. Others do not look at me, but will act offended if I do not look at them. Others criticize me for behavior that they themselves exhibit. And after all of this is said and done others will still sneer and make nasty remarks about me, because I do not bow down to them - the same individuals who scowl and ignore me initially! You complain that I am quiet and assume the worst about me due to this, but you make no effort to even bother with me in the first place! You do not care about me anyway, but still demand that I show an interest in you.

People only want your attention when you are not giving them any.

Additionally: I think that it is interesting how we are told that, on one hand, we must respect the boundaries of other people; so if somebody else refuses to let us into their life, for example, we must accept this and not push; on the other hand we simultaneously bully people who are quiet and/or "introverted" for refusing to join in on the tribal gossip, as if they are not allowed to have any boundaries. If you talk to somebody who is not interested, it is considered harassment; if somebody else talks to you when you are not interested, it is considered rude - a contradiction! This is the hypocrisy that I am talking about.

I really do not know what the intention of this post is; it looks fragmented too. A jumble of sentences that I really feel the need to express. Sorry.

 

[Doz]

I'm sorry to hear you've went through this. The world is full of hypocritical standards and contradictions. The cruel irony is that if you're an introvert and bother no one, people will look at you funny and treat you differently. Even when you attempt to participate and try to put yourself out there you get nothing in return (at least in my case). I don't know you or what your story is but I hope things can start looking up for you. I hope you'll start getting surrounded by people with a much stronger sense logic and reason.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think you make some really interesting and true observations. Do you suppose part of it is how others perceive us? You sound like me. I'm quiet, shy and quite passive most of the time... BUT I'm not a push over. If I feel like someone is taking the piss- I will eventually stand my ground and I'll sometimes come out fighting- not agressively- just firmly. I have noticed the shock on people's faces when this happens. They were just expecting to walk all over me.

I think though that for people like us- people just expect us to be docile people pleasers- because that's probably the impression we give off. I expect you know some people in your life that NO ONE chooses to challenge because they are prickly and liable to kick off if people criticise them.

I do agree with you that it's ridiculous that- whatever we do, we are seen to be in the wrong but then, I think it's probably because people know they can get away with bullying us. It's not right but sadly- it's how the world seems to work. I have actually found that now and then- it doesn't hurt to stand your ground and show your teeth. ESPECIALLY if people overstep a boundary. It tells them not to do it again and not to push you any further.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I'm sorry to hear you've went through this. The world is full of hypocritical standards and contradictions. The cruel irony is that if you're an introvert and bother no one, people will look at you funny and treat you differently. Even when you attempt to participate and try to put yourself out there you get nothing in return (at least in my case). I don't know you or what your story is but I hope things can start looking up for you. I hope you'll start getting surrounded by people with a much stronger sense logic and reason.

Thank you for your post. You are absolutely correct about participating and not receiving the same effort; it is really frustrating how groups of loud, and sociable people have the attitude that rejection should only work on their own terms.

I think you make some really interesting and true observations. Do you suppose part of it is how others perceive us? You sound like me. I'm quiet, shy and quite passive most of the time...

Firstly thank you for your post. And yes I do think that the way others perceive us affects their behavior toward us. I have noticed that among certain groups of people I am viewed as a quiet but friendly individual, and to these people I am expected to always be happy; if I am not in the mood for being friendly it can lead to them being offended, as if I cannot have an "off" day. On the total opposite end of this "hypocrite spectrum" there are other groups who are under the impression that I am "weird" because I do not fit in; now these people expect me to leave them alone, and will become offended if I do attempt to be friendly and happy towards them. This is what I mean when I mentioned the constant contradictions in the attitude(s) of other people; it certainly feels as though I am trying to please different standards at once.

I think though that for people like us- people just expect us to be docile people pleasers- because that's probably the impression we give off. I expect you know some people in your life that NO ONE chooses to challenge because they are prickly and liable to kick off if people criticise them.

Oh yes: I definitely know quite a few people like this. I live in the North-East of England; I think a good amount of people who I pass are liable to freak out over the smallest thing. For example: I have experienced bullying and abuse over my appearance, and if I retaliate the bullies will either cry victim if they are people who I see semi-regularly, or if they are a total stranger they will turn aggressive, and might even try to start a fight. I have the choice of either being vilified by the local "clique" because I upset one of their own for just defending myself, or I can ignore it and allow myself to take the abuse. It seems like a lose-lose situation.

I do agree with you that it's ridiculous that- whatever we do, we are seen to be in the wrong but then, I think it's probably because people know they can get away with bullying us. It's not right but sadly- it's how the world seems to work. I have actually found that now and then- it doesn't hurt to stand your ground and show your teeth. ESPECIALLY if people overstep a boundary. It tells them not to do it again and not to push you any further.

This is good advice. I should really start being more assertive. Thank you again.