Venting Hyperventilating

[Halo13]

I'm freaking out right now. My PTSD is full blown triggered in every way. Three completely fucked up things happened in the last two hours and I started hyperventilating. I want to hang myself right fucking now because I don't have a way to escape. I have literally no one IRL to help me and I'm losing my damn mind. If a fucking doctor would treat my panic attacks I wouldn't have such intense PTSD. It's like screaming at the top of my lungs and nobody notices or cares, the very few acquaintances I have are narcissistic leeches. This world so completely selfish and cruel. Life isn't fair but inhumane treatment isn't necessary. I have always tried my absolute best to be kind and thoughtful to others but never get treated with even a little respect. Try to tell someone I'm freaking out? Oh, right - then they change the focus on *their* life, *their* worries, *their* "problems before I can finish a sentence. Big thing I've noticed is their problems aren't theirs - rather something that happened to someone else and hearing about it second hand made them upset. It's gossip and busybody bullshit. Even if it was directly their problems, when is it my turn to get a hug, a smile, anything?? I haven't even gotten a real life hug in over 2 years! But of course *I'm* the bad guy when I cut contact with the toxicity. Always.

I just want it to end. I can't go on like this. My physical pain is so terrible lately. Medications, surgery, injections, etc only go so far when my spine is literally falling apart and I can do nothing but try to bear it. I just can't anymore.

 

[Rukia]

Dont know what to tell you as I know nothing of the physical pain...I am only mentally ill (schizophrenic) ...

If you want to talk you can PM me...I will try not to change the focus on myself...

Would it be a good idea to go to the hospital? Sorry if I am not making any sense...I just want to help and there is nothing I can do...

 

[Morphinekiss]

I am so sorry you're having a bad ptsd day. That was me all of last week. I went through a whole coloring book and spent a lot of time doing stupid meditations that just didn't help.

Also, I feel you on the collapsing spine. I'm currently stuck on the floor. I think I could handle my mental shit if I wasn't in so much damn pain.

 

[Halo13]

Thanks for the replies, can't say I'm better but not as bad as a few days ago. A bunch of crap happened lately, threw me into fight or flight mode. Just needed to tell people who understand to vent.

@Morphinekiss I hope you're doing tolerable - I'd been thinking of coloring again, used to help me to get lost in the repetition of it. Have you tried ASMR videos on YouTube? I use classical music like Bach to relax. And I feel that - I could possibly deal with the rest without the physical aspect. It becomes a mental pain - just dealing with daily physical pain.

@Rukia You made perfect sense, no worries. Typically a hospital won't do much for a chronic pain patient because of prescribing laws. Everything is ridiculously complicated dealing with pain doctors. I wouldn't want to get in trouble admitting to freaking out and end up back in the psych ward