Hurt myself, hate myself

[CentreMid]

I hurt myself. Feeling guilty for feeling bad enough to giving into my self-harming urges. Seeing blood is oddly calming in the moment, but I now I have to live with the wounds and have to be extra careful to cover up in the coming weeks. Stupid of me. I hurt myself in places that are largely concealed but there is still a risk of being caught if I wear certain clothes (won't say where). I hurt myself because I hate myself, but I only hate myself even more for doing it now. I'm sorry if this post sounds a little more scattered and all-over-the-place than what I usuallly say. I am not okay.

I want to call my partner but I'm still not sure if she's ready to listen this side of me again. She's still healing and may not want to deal with me like this right now, she has enough to deal with on her own and I wanna respect tthat. Can't pour from an empty bucket for lack of better words. She's also asleep and I don't want to wake her up. I love her and I wish she was here. I wish we didnt live just out of reach. I really wish she was here to help me. I'm sorry for talking about her so much here. I am not okay .



Update: I've managed to calm down somewhat. I'm still not feeling great, but I can think a little more clearly now. I'm sorry, to anyone reading, for being horribly incoherent.

I'll leave my partner alone tonight and let her sleep and discuss this with her at a more appropriate time.

 

[level_playing_field]

I hurt myself. Feeling guilty for feeling bad enough to giving into my self-harming urges. Seeing blood is oddly calming in the moment, but I now I have to live with the wounds and have to be extra careful to cover up in the coming weeks. Stupid of me. I hurt myself in places that are largely concealed but there is still a risk of being caught if I wear certain clothes (won't say where). I hurt myself because I hate myself, but I only hate myself even more for doing it now. I'm sorry if this post sounds a little more scattered and all-over-the-place than what I usuallly say. I am not okay.

I want to call my partner but I'm still not sure if she's ready to listen this side of me again. She's still healing and may not want to deal with me like this right now, she has enough to deal with on her own and I wanna respect tthat. Can't pour from an empty bucket for lack of better words. She's also asleep and I don't want to wake her up. I love her and I wish she was here. I wish we didnt live just out of reach. I really wish she was here to help me. I'm sorry for talking about her so much here. I am not okay .



Update: I've managed to calm down somewhat. I'm still not feeling great, but I can think a little more clearly now. I'm sorry, to anyone reading, for being horribly incoherent.

I'll leave my partner alone tonight and let her sleep and discuss this with her at a more appropriate time.

There's nothing I can say that could ease your pain. I just wanted to write to you and let you know that I hear you and I recognize your pain. I know it's easier said than done, but please try to be kind to yourself.

I know the difficulties surrounding being in a relationship while you're mentally ill. You're now living for two people. It is so incredibly hard feeling like you don't want to hurt your partner by sharing something like this. I am so sorry you're experiencing this. I just want you to know that you are welcomed here and there are people out there to listen. You don't have to apologize for getting things off of your chest in whatever way it's expressed. I hope when you have this discussion that it goes well and you are offered love and support.

I know I don't have any words to help you heal, but, if anything, you know that there's someone out there who has taken your words in and cares. A complete stranger, but it's something! Thank you for sharing your experience and feelings because I know that there are people out there who will read this and relate, including myself.

I'm really wishing the best for you.

 

[jacarandash]

i understand this pain all too well. im not sure if my words can truly help in any way, but i hope it is at least comforting to hear that you are not alone. best wishes for you, take care