owarikigan
Member
- Sep 19, 2025
- 26
it's so hard existing like this when my existence is never acknowledged or respected, i feel like a ghost .
no matter how much i send out cries for help i dont think anyone or anything is going to save me, and it wouldn't even take much.
i miss being a part of friend groups, even if they would ignore and laugh at or inevitably replace me it's the closest i'll feel to belonging somewhere ; and now i'm completely alone .
to make things worse i get in deep lows so often that i isolate myself for up to days . i can't even take time to myself without feeling like the only friends i have that i switch between clinging to and ghosting are going to leave me because of it. i feel such a deep pit of emptiness and want to cry because i can't end it. i have things to tend to before i even think about doing so and i hate it. it makes me feel so frustrated. even if i did i'm never shaking how invisible i'll still be and how glad people would be that im gone.
i dont have therapy or a means of it . this site is really the most adjacent to being seen that i'll feel most times. my avpd already makes it so horribly hard to speak out especially when my issues are stagnant and i feel like i'm taking up space in every sense and i don't get to experience something that sounds as comfortable as "love" and "support". it messes with my empathy greatly and i have a horrible habit of not caring for others because "they have it better than me anyways"; "they have a support system and i don't. they don't talk to me. why should i, suffering without one, offer that to someone else?" and thankfully that never works out in becoming a core part of my identity. for some reason a strong will and high empathy however is engraved in me and most times i hate it. i'm grateful to have had interactions here that make me feel like less of a passing memory with better things to think about and more of a person with my own complexities though
no matter how much i send out cries for help i dont think anyone or anything is going to save me, and it wouldn't even take much.
i miss being a part of friend groups, even if they would ignore and laugh at or inevitably replace me it's the closest i'll feel to belonging somewhere ; and now i'm completely alone .
to make things worse i get in deep lows so often that i isolate myself for up to days . i can't even take time to myself without feeling like the only friends i have that i switch between clinging to and ghosting are going to leave me because of it. i feel such a deep pit of emptiness and want to cry because i can't end it. i have things to tend to before i even think about doing so and i hate it. it makes me feel so frustrated. even if i did i'm never shaking how invisible i'll still be and how glad people would be that im gone.
i dont have therapy or a means of it . this site is really the most adjacent to being seen that i'll feel most times. my avpd already makes it so horribly hard to speak out especially when my issues are stagnant and i feel like i'm taking up space in every sense and i don't get to experience something that sounds as comfortable as "love" and "support". it messes with my empathy greatly and i have a horrible habit of not caring for others because "they have it better than me anyways"; "they have a support system and i don't. they don't talk to me. why should i, suffering without one, offer that to someone else?" and thankfully that never works out in becoming a core part of my identity. for some reason a strong will and high empathy however is engraved in me and most times i hate it. i'm grateful to have had interactions here that make me feel like less of a passing memory with better things to think about and more of a person with my own complexities though
