Help Hugs please - being bullied at work, feeling really sick

[LittleJem]

First time I've been bullied at work in such a way - and I feel literally sick and I can't focus or think straight, and my tummy is so upset all day and now all night. My boss is part of the issue, but I've just raised it above her head. I really like my boss. I don't know why she is treating me like this - on the one hand saying I'm doing a terrific job, and on the other hand preventing me from doing it. I have always thought she is brilliant - but actually she did get fired from her last job, and I am beginning to see why. She is negative rather than visionary, and she explodes with anger constantly. I know her heart is in the right place, but she is not protecting me from being bullied and excluded and has said some vile things to me which are entirely unfair. I just feel really sick and I don't know what to do about it. Any tips/e-hugs appreciated. Thank y'all.

 

[got2beFionaC]

{trigger warning} i had a very similar situation. my boss treated me the same way. one minute she was nice then she would be so cold and heartless. come to find out she had been keeping a list of everything i was doing that was "unsatisfactory" and i ended up being fired. i was completely dumbfounded. especially because she knew about my situation (i was 8months pregnant and lost my baby) but she still just used everything she had considered wrong to tell HR while telling me she cared and was there for me. i'm lost with everything now.

 

[Acerakis]

Well done for trying to sort the situation out by taking it up the ladder though. It can be very easy to just accept abuse and it was very brave of you to try and do something about it. You should be proud of yourself for that.

 

[pole]

hey, sorry to hear about your situation.

you definitely dont deserve to be bullied by your own boss. i mean, i feel like everyone should be comfortable in their own work environment.

i also dont wanna assume that your boss is a bad person straight up. who knows what there going through as well to feel this level of negativity and inflict it onto others including yourself.

you dont deserve to be the outlet of her negativity because her own problems, it just isnt fair. like the other members have mentioned, have you thought of talking to HR? its a workplace issue and i gurantee if shes treated you like this, you aren't the first nor the last person and its likely shes treated others like this as well in you're work environment. perhaps having the strength to talk to other coworkers and get a feel for this situation and also approach HR about this.

your going through enough outside of work, so you shouldnt be forced to deal with more things ontop of what your already going through. i hope you find a way in talking about this with HR, so this can be resolved and you find peace in working and doing your job freely and comfortably.

hope it works out for you.

take care.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

They don't pay you enough for that shit man, you're there to do a job, not deal with their attitude issues. I hope this gets better.

 

[tired1221]

{trigger warning} i had a very similar situation. my boss treated me the same way. one minute she was nice then she would be so cold and heartless. come to find out she had been keeping a list of everything i was doing that was "unsatisfactory" and i ended up being fired. i was completely dumbfounded. especially because she knew about my situation (i was 8months pregnant and lost my baby) but she still just used everything she had considered wrong to tell HR while telling me she cared and was there for me. i'm lost with everything now.

My manager is like this! She's "fake nice and caring", but keeps her little notebook filled with everything all is done at work, I have the most entries. Lol, yes...I looked in her desk and read it! She withholds important information, and then gets me in trouble....like when to report back to work.(Covid) She never told me, and then filed a Disciplinary action hearing against me, Because I wasn't there on the first day when no one told me, I have the text messages, she's just a total bitch. I have cancer and too tired to work, my Hemotologist thinks I'm great so no worries go back to work, however I have a appointment with my general practitioner tomorrow and hopefully he can state that I can't work full-time, since I have only been able to muster the strength to work two days so far, and was so exhausted after there was no way I could be back the next morning for another 8 hour shift.
The place I work is for a State Government ran department...I been there since 2014, work 37.5 hours a week, no benefits because we don't work the whole year. I got diagnosed with a blood cancer just as Covid shut everything down, and since I was out a few days (in hospital) on those first days of shut down, they denied me unemployment because I was "unable and unavailable to work". So I haven't made a dime since February. Filed for SSI and Disability...still nothing. The only means of income I have had is doing grocery delivery when I feel up to it. My past and oh since getting diagnosed, my boyfriend left me, has me not wanting to continue on and all I wanna do is ctb...very soon.

 

[TheSoulless]

*hugs*

 

[BlackPoppet]

{trigger warning} i had a very similar situation. my boss treated me the same way. one minute she was nice then she would be so cold and heartless. come to find out she had been keeping a list of everything i was doing that was "unsatisfactory" and i ended up being fired. i was completely dumbfounded. especially because she knew about my situation (i was 8months pregnant and lost my baby) but she still just used everything she had considered wrong to tell HR while telling me she cared and was there for me. i'm lost with everything now.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

Don't keep sticking it out, thinking it might get better. Have an exit plan. You're worth more than you think.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Don't keep sticking it out, thinking it might get better. Have an exit plan. You're worth more than you think.

I agree!!
Here is some hugs for you!!

 

[Sinai Silence]

Same here I got treated like sh*t at my last job, especially by the owners. It felt like I was back in high school, spreading rumors, just belittling staff members and talking behind their backs. No amount of money an hour is worth being treated like sh*t for, you should look for another job for the meantime. Once one comes up you can drop them like pig sh*t, there's nothing more satisfying that quitting a job you hate. I've seen some great exits from people first hand and online. Just find whatever way works best in your job field.

If its difficult for you to find a job currently then malicious compliance can go a long way to piss of your boss with no blast back. If she does lash out at you or say awful things about you then you need to go higher up to deal with the situation if its a job you want to keep. If she's had a history of being fired and being abusive to staff then your employers will not hesitate to give out disciplinaries or seek further action.

From what I have read I wouldn't want to stay there personally. I hope things work out for you

 

[emptyhead]

As others have pointed out about similar bosses they've had. She isn't nice. She's nice to you only to manipulate you. She is a bully.
You've done the right thing going over her head. My advice is if nothing happens from going over her head then leave. Believe me, no good comes from trying to understand people like this and staying too long will only end up causing damage.
It's very important to know that this person is not your friend. I am sure you've probably seen or heard her be horrible about other staff.

Edit: sorry, I think this triggered me cos my reply is very negative best of luck, but really do not let this person confuse you or cause you any doubts about yourself. Please do look for other work or if possible to work with someone else

 

[Sherri]

I'm sorry you feeling that way, being bullied in school, I can't imagine how it is at work. Maybe a new job In a new future op. Sending you hugs, you don't deserve that in any stage of your life.

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

I don't know the situation or your nationality(different nationalitys act different)
but your boss might want it to look like without her you can't do it, tread very carefully.
many hugs xxx

 

[kkatt]

I don't know where you are in the world but there are laws regarding harassment and some companies take bullying in the workplace quite seriously.
But it's true what's already been said,you're not paid enough to put up with that. Life is hard enough without having to get up every day and go to a job where you're miserable as hell.

 

[Acopia]

I am so sorry, some people are poison to our hearts.
Stay humble, know your worth, and don't just put up with it.
I pray it gets better for you.
*gentle hugs*
-Acopia

 

[Sherri]

I'm sorry you are enduring this at your work, maybe start looking for a better job. Being bullied is school is evil, at works it's a shame. Hugs and be strong.