Venting HR Meeting went HORRIBLY! I want to quit! WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

This is a follow up to the incident I described here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ting-at-my-internship-i-feel-horrible.212801/

I asked if I could have someone alongside me to represent me alongside my autism. They said that's okay.

The HR meeting came, and they asked me to describe the incident...
I remember the exact words she said, and I could've gone into low level detail. But I kept the description high level to avoid coming across as an asshole, and to de-escalate.

Then HR Hag gave a rant. And my friend asked me if I would like him to interject. I said yes, because I'm not too aware of when I'm being attacked or insulted. And I figured he wanted to interject because this Hag was being hostile towards me in a way I didn't understand. When my friend tried to explain... she became extremely hostile, and told my friend to stop talking, even though he wasn't done speaking... Then she asked my friend to leave...

She also said that she has a speech impediment. And that she has a nephew who has autism... And that my friend made things 50 times worse... And she said that they don't usually allow legal representation.

After my friend left, she began the whole lecture anew. Said my friends words were highly inappropriate(all my friend said was that no offense was meant), and I pointed out that he's someone I simply consult on these matters because of his background, to which she said that my personal life is none of her concern... She said that the fact that I brought him onto represent me proves I'm intelligent, and that I said what I said intentionally.... I explained once again, what my intentions were, and she said she doesn't believe me. And what matters in impact. Not intention...

*sigh*

bitch said that she will send me sensitivity training material....

After it was over, I told my friend what happened. He said that bitch was crazy, and the dialogue that came from her is enough to sue her for discrimination and abuse...
*sigh*
Everyone said that woman is crazy...

One of my coworkers told me that he doesn't like the way that women puts down her husband in front of everyone(it's a small NGO run by a family)...

Guys, I am not a fan of drama, and I try to avoid it, and one of the ways I try to avoid is by not acknowledging things, partly because I tend to misread things a lot...

*sigh*

I really want to quit. But I don't wanna leave my coworker hanging.

I expect this behaviour from brown people. Not white people.

I asked my friend if that lady was English, and he said No, she's european. And was probably lying about everything, including her nephew with autism...
@FishRain3469 @Sannti @Forever Sleep @locked*n*loaded @crmrc_in @Paizen
@FishRain3469 @Sannti @Forever Sleep @locked*n*loaded @crmrc_in @Paizen

 

[EmptyBottle]

Yikes, toxic workplace, maybe get your coworker's discord and discuss over a vc? (and tell your coworker it is a secret, and then offer the suggestion of changing to a better job)

Not acknowledging stuff is sometimes a mistake too, when it involves unfairness

I expect this behaviour from brown people. Not white people.

Also, that is a bit of a racist expectation (maybe it was from unfortunate experiences though?), I have brown skin.

 

[dontwakemeup]

You expect this behavior from "brown" people? I find that statement disheartening that you feel so low about my people! It's ironic your HR meeting wasn't held by my people and you still left feeling mistreated. Are you going to expect this behavior from Europeans now How about you take some responsibility for your actions and stop blaming others! Smh

 

[DeadSouls]

I think the original poster, SuicidalCurryBoy, is likely brown.

 

[lysergamide]

You overestimate white people especially those at work, actually everyone at work can be rancid and petty so like whatever. The only thing i have to say is if you constantly feel like shit's off just quit, whether your coworker stays or not, we're talking about your own wellbeing, you're already on SS so that means something. That internship is unpaid anyway.

 

[Wolf Girl]

As someone with autism who worked for a decade, I can tell you this probably won't get better and they will probably try to find a reason to fire you. Can you get an internship somewhere else?

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

You expect this behavior from "brown" people? I find that statement disheartening that you feel so low about my people! It's ironic your HR meeting wasn't held by my people and you still left feeling mistreated. Are you going to expect this behavior from Europeans now How about you take some responsibility for your actions and stop blaming others! Smh

I AM brown

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

Are you going to expect this behavior from Europeans now

From people with her accent, yes.


That has ALWAYS been a safe bet.

Dealing with the English is always much easier.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It sounds like you and your friend were being reasonable and, trying to explain but then, none of us were there. It's hard to know who's in the right/ wrong when it's all heard from one person's perspective. Maybe this woman is especially good friends with the one who took offense and she's letting that connection (unproffessionally) influence her or, maybe there have been offensive remarks made.

Ultimately though, they have more authority. If you want to keep on the better side of them and, keep the job, sometimes we have to just back down. I think it's fine to say we didn't mean any offence but, I think it's also important to apologise for the offense that was taken and show willing to ensure it doesn't happen again. Office politics are such a headache though.

I believe you are eligible to have someone with you at a meeting though. A colleague of mine was accompanied when they had meetings.

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

Maybe this woman is especially good friends with the one who took offense and she's letting that connection (unproffessionally) influence her or, maybe there have been offensive remarks made.

No.
She WAS the one who took offense. JFL

 

[Forever Sleep]

No.
She WAS the one who took offense. JFL

Ok but, what do you do with that? Continue to get annoyed with her/ them? Bitch about them behind their backs with other colleagues? (It will likely get back to them.) Or, try to put it behind you? I think that's all you can really do if you don't want it to escalate further. Go on this ridiculous course or whatever they want you to do and, just be cautious in future that they are the sort of people who do take offense at things.

Or, you could choose to fight it I suppose if you're really adament that you're in the right. Ask to have the whole thing reviewed by someone higher up. That could go a few ways. It could make these people afraid enough of you that they stop pulling you up for things. Or, everyone may start to see you as a trouble maker and a nuisance.

It isn't necessarily fair but, that's just the world of work- sadly. People form bonds with one another, have prejudices, take offense, bully colleagues. It's not fun to navigate.

I imagine a lot of people have been in situations with difficult work colleagues. We maybe all go through the same questions: Who is at fault here? If it's them, are they reasonable enough to see their faults and change them? Can we sort this out between ourselves? Who will management side with most likely? Do I have to be around this person that much? Can I work on a strictly professional level with them- don't go anywhere near personal remarks? Is the working environment so toxic now that it's not worth staying? How much do I want this job?

Even if you are 100% in the right, if they aren't willing to concede or make an effort to understand then, you either have to navigate them being unreasonable, fight the case- although, is that worth it/ will it just make things worse? Or, if you really can't find a way through, I guess you could walk away.

 

[crmrc_in]

Hmm, it does not look like it went well. I am very very sorry.

As someone else pointed out, it's difficult to understand how right or wrong someone was when you've only heard one person's version of events. My impression is that:

• she may be oversensitive, prone to overreacting, or simply enjoys lecturing others
• you might have a tendency to misread the room
• she may or may not have some kind of speech impediment, which led you to believe she has an accent that she doesn't actually have (i.e. something other than her real accent).

This combination of factors seems to have brought about the unfortunate situation. A possible interpretation I can come up with (but really, it is just an effort to rationally solve the mistery of what triggered her) is that she might have wrongly thought that you were somehow trying to emphasise her impediment by figuratively referring to it as an accent. But again, this is just a theory of mine.

The good news - if you want to keep the job - is that it does not look like you are being let go. I suspect they would have told you (not sure though). Instead, it seems they will be sending you some training material, which is fine imho.

When that arrives, perhaps you could write a brief email: thank them for the material, say you will make good use of it and learn from it, and include a very short apology about the incident (one line, not too long, the message must be clear) - especially if you have not already apologised explicitly.

As for the lady's comment that intent doesn't matter - she's wrong. Of course it does.

I hope everything works out for the best.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

You need to get another job as soon as you can.