Lorntroubles
Photography by Haris Nukem.
- Jan 19, 2020
- 3,095
I have stopped responding to messages. I have stopped reading messages. I don't want it to be a case where my friends hit me up then because they get a response they can be happy and do as they wish and forget about me.
They all know the crippling things I have gone through and I have come to the realization that even though they show me sympathy, I was left to my own devices. I was the one always checking on them but this was not reciprocated.
I don't want to rekindle any friendships then be disappointed all over again so my socializing nowadays is on SS.
I just don't want to fake being happy, fake being okay anymore so I just stopped being available to people. I will be gone soon enough so why bother.
A part of me says to leave on a good note and a part of me says to slip away.
My "friends" have complained about how they have lives so it seems they can't be bothered and I really don't ask for much.
I got so mad at one friend who helped me build up the courage to reveal the myriad of things I am going through then not respond. I tell him forget it then he tells me he doesn't understand but ok. I replied back with how I felt stupid telling him all this stuff and him not replying. I tell him that I thought he could be the friend I could tell this to (we have known each other many years) but why does it matter, I will be gone before my upcoming birthday then I blocked him. I was tired of being stressed about keeping all this stuff in to have someone know so much and not give me any words in return.
I am for certain he knows the date and it's soon-ish. He talks to his best friend often and his best friend is a good friend of mine. That's the only time I mentioned suicide without saying "suicide" and now I'm sure they get it because I hinted to him and he wasn't getting it at first.
Now my inbox messages notifications spike up every once in a while but I can't be bothered to check them. Don't worry, nobody knows where I live and the one lady who did, (won't go more into detail about her) I cut off contact with. She suggested a welfare check on me.
It's been months of me going completely silent.
What's it like for you? Any insights appreciated. What are some things that you think I should consider?
They all know the crippling things I have gone through and I have come to the realization that even though they show me sympathy, I was left to my own devices. I was the one always checking on them but this was not reciprocated.
I don't want to rekindle any friendships then be disappointed all over again so my socializing nowadays is on SS.
I just don't want to fake being happy, fake being okay anymore so I just stopped being available to people. I will be gone soon enough so why bother.
A part of me says to leave on a good note and a part of me says to slip away.
My "friends" have complained about how they have lives so it seems they can't be bothered and I really don't ask for much.
I got so mad at one friend who helped me build up the courage to reveal the myriad of things I am going through then not respond. I tell him forget it then he tells me he doesn't understand but ok. I replied back with how I felt stupid telling him all this stuff and him not replying. I tell him that I thought he could be the friend I could tell this to (we have known each other many years) but why does it matter, I will be gone before my upcoming birthday then I blocked him. I was tired of being stressed about keeping all this stuff in to have someone know so much and not give me any words in return.
I am for certain he knows the date and it's soon-ish. He talks to his best friend often and his best friend is a good friend of mine. That's the only time I mentioned suicide without saying "suicide" and now I'm sure they get it because I hinted to him and he wasn't getting it at first.
Now my inbox messages notifications spike up every once in a while but I can't be bothered to check them. Don't worry, nobody knows where I live and the one lady who did, (won't go more into detail about her) I cut off contact with. She suggested a welfare check on me.
It's been months of me going completely silent.
What's it like for you? Any insights appreciated. What are some things that you think I should consider?