How your family will feel after you CTB?

[Marcos]

I came across a YouTube video of a mother who lost her son to suicide. Do you feel guilty about how your family is going to feel after your suicide?

 

[Pilum Muralis]

I am not planning to ctb until after my husband passes away, to avoid causing him pain. He's the only friend and family I have, and when he's gone, why bother living any longer?
I'm still hopeful that something can be done for me, so I can enjoy my time with him until our end.

 

[Painted Bird]

I don't feel guilty and they wouldn't care too much anyway. They'd be happy to sell all my stuff like books and comic books and get $$$. Most of them are toxic and I don't talk to them anymore. I'm single and childfree, so no wife/kids would be grieving, etc.

 

[Soul]

I hardly have any family, but what there is are fine with it.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

It's a weird back and forth for me. Yes, they'll be hurt and I feel guilty. So I'm aiming to CTB when it's not holidays, birthdays, etc. OTOH, I'm understanding on my own how much they negatively impacted my life, child & adulthood, like teaching me that I don't matter and communicating just blows up in my face. It's hard to speak up for myself, so throughout life, I endured bad friends and situations instead of doing something about it. I didn't feel I had the right to have a say.

My death will hurt them, but if anyone ever listened to my entire life, my suicide is expected if you're not bullheaded, blind, or biased. When I asked about recovery, one person on a different forum said, "I'm surprised you're still alive."

Brainwashed into our minds, including by some therapists, are

(1) you should stick with family.
It shouldn't be presented like that. Sometimes it's better to separate from your family. I was on feeding tubes in one hospital stay, and I didn't tell my family. Because I recalled previuosly when I was in ICU, how much damage they did when I was sick. I was better off without them. And medically, legally, financially, I learned I shouldn't go to them for help. Yes, I'd rather CTB than ask them for anything.

(2) family is good.
But they're just people. Simply because they're mom, dad, sister, or brother doesn't make them gods. They can still hurt, insult, judge, belittle, bully, abuse, be narcissistic. I understand that they may have treated me the way they were treated, but the cycle of violence or shame only explains what happens; it doesn't justify it. I wish I was never born to them.

So yeah, it's gonna hurt them, and I'll try to mitigate the damage. But it's wrong in my case to not CTB simply because they'll be hurt. It makes no sense to continue living my life for them given the overall way they treated me. Living to serve them is literally the reason they created me (they stopped having kids after they had a son) and I've been working for them as soon as my English was sufficient. But living for them should never have been my job. I'm a human, not their employee.

 

[not_a_robot]

I waited for mom to die so no worries about her. The rest of us don't matter to each other, they will just fingerwag, like none of the shit they did ever affected me at all.

 

[daikon]

I don't really feel guilty. They'll be sad, but they're the ones that got me this way, so it's their own fault. They should've raised a happier kid.

This is so bad but after watching some of the video, I'm even more certain I want to ctb. My parents have been so horrible throughout my grieving process, I feel like my suicide would be a perfect fuck you to them. They deserve to go through what that woman is going through.

 

[Going Home]

A mother who encourages people, especially men, to mistreat me so she can get off, and a father who died but wasn't involved anyway??? I don't think they'd care.

I hope to be reunited with a loving family member if that kind of afterlife exists.

 

[Mbound]

Yes, very much so. But I still must go.

 

[KN95]

Yeah, It's why I have to atleast wait until my brother is older. And that's if I actually have the guts to do it.

A mother who encourages people, especially men, to mistreat me so she can get off, and a father who died but wasn't involved anyway??? I don't think they'd care.

I hope to be reunited with a loving family member if that kind of afterlife exists.

Why does she do that to you?

It's a weird back and forth for me. Yes, they'll be hurt and I feel guilty. So I'm aiming to CTB when it's not holidays, birthdays, etc. OTOH, I'm understanding on my own how much they negatively impacted my life, child & adulthood, like teaching me that I don't matter and communicating just blows up in my face. It's hard to speak up for myself, so throughout life, I endured bad friends and situations instead of doing something about it. I didn't feel I had the right to have a say.

My death will hurt them, but if anyone ever listened to my entire life, my suicide is expected if you're not bullheaded, blind, or biased. When I asked about recovery, one person on a different forum said, "I'm surprised you're still alive."

Brainwashed into our minds, including by some therapists, are

(1) you should stick with family.
It shouldn't be presented like that. Sometimes it's better to separate from your family. I was on feeding tubes in one hospital stay, and I didn't tell my family. Because I recalled previuosly when I was in ICU, how much damage they did when I was sick. I was better off without them. And medically, legally, financially, I learned I shouldn't go to them for help. Yes, I'd rather CTB than ask them for anything.

(2) family is good.
But they're just people. Simply because they're mom, dad, sister, or brother doesn't make them gods. They can still hurt, insult, judge, belittle, bully, abuse, be narcissistic. I understand that they may have treated me the way they were treated, but the cycle of violence or shame only explains what happens; it doesn't justify it. I wish I was never born to them.

So yeah, it's gonna hurt them, and I'll try to mitigate the damage. But it's wrong in my case to not CTB simply because they'll be hurt. It makes no sense to continue living my life for them given the overall way they treated me. Living to serve them is literally the reason they created me (they stopped having kids after they had a son) and I've been working for them as soon as my English was sufficient. But living for them should never have been my job. I'm a human, not their employee.

I'm sorry that your family have treated you like that. It must be so awful.

 

[vulturecyclop]

They will be absolutely destroyed. I am their only child, and they insist on how MY "happiness" determined theirs.

 

[Pupuce]

Surely bad but Epicure is a good example to follow, before death every issues related to death are pointless, and after your death you're dead.

 

[Fadinglife]

Don't care anymore. They are one of major reason that i am in such a place. I do not want to live. Non existence is most peaceful to me.

 

[HGL91]

My mom will be devastated. The rest of the family will probably just feign sadness to my mom like," Oh my god. I can't believe this! I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say!" And then probably distance themselves from her because they don't want to deal with her sadness.

They will be absolutely destroyed. I am their only child, and they insist on how MY "happiness" determined theirs.

Same. Being an only child has its perks, but it is also a lot of pressure. Often, the parents are extra protective because if you die, they won't just have less children; they will be childless and their lives are turned upside down.

 

[k75]

I'm really struggling with this. I know it will devastate them. My parents, especially. And my youngest sister. I'm less sure about my son. I think he can live without me just fine.

I also worry a lot about what it will do to my best friend. I'm pretty sure he'll survive, but I'll essentially be leaving him all alone. It's basically just me and his girlfriend, and if I go, that's a huge piece out of his life.

I love them all so much, so it makes me hesitate. It isn't going to stop me, though. Just... prolong things.

I wish I didn't care, but none of them ever hurt me. I don't want to hurt them.

 

[laiduponit]

Grew up with a single mother, done her best for me but some things are just out of her control. Sadly my desire to live is one of them, hopefully I'll manage to stay around long enough for her to not be here when I do CTB. Though I can't keep that promise.

 

[mathieu]

Yes, I do feel guilty but somehow I feel CTB is my only option. I think it's meant to be. My family will cope.

 

[Saga]

for me...i dont think my family would care...hell theyd just dump me like garbage even spit on me when in dead..so i dont really care what they think

 

[Deleted member 1496]

I'm sorry that your family have treated you like that. It must be so awful.

It's horrible, especially when they wonder now why I rarely call them nowadays because it's sad on both sides. Before I tried to communicate, like when my dad was ridiculing me about not knowing the <City> International Airport was not actually in <City>. He grew up there, but I was simply visiting, so I didn't know. I tried to explain, and he did reply, "Yes, there's no way you could have known." Breakthro--nope. The next morning as the relatives were sitting together, he points at me and says, "This guy. I never know when he's going to get emotional." Emotional? Well, I'm not stupid or strong enough to risk talking again.

thanks for listening and the reply. this site is so much more supportive than IRL.

 

[Black_Knight]

I don't know man
I think this bough was supposed to break a long time ago
And even if it's gonna hurt, it's better to rip the bandage off now
If I'm going to continue existing, there are certain things that I'm going to have to do. If I don't want to do these things, I should stop existing. Existing in limbo doesn't help anyone, and continuing to be a burden in order to delay the inevitable is nonsense.

 

[262653]

Their feelings aren't of my concern. I don't feel guilty about the intention to kill myself to achieve my goals, even if that would devastate someone's life. Or twenty lives. Fifty. Thousand...

 

[komm susser todd]

Not really no. I didnt ask to be born. Didnt ask to be raised in low income family. Didnt ask to suffer weeklong work weeks to slog through to get a few hours for myself a day. Didnt ask for a plethora of psychiatric issues that make life more difficult than it has to be.

Why should i ask if i can fold my cards for getting a bad hand?

 

[AnnonyBox]

I went through the mental exercise of thinking through who would care. Most of my family falls into the 'maybe' category. Family friends and some of my friends are the only people I can think of actually feeling bad over my passing. But, time moves on, people get over things eventually. Besides, I've spent my life living for other people, the least I can do as a gift to myself is end my suffering.

 

[KN95]

It's horrible, especially when they wonder now why I rarely call them nowadays because it's sad on both sides. Before I tried to communicate, like when my dad was ridiculing me about not knowing the <City> International Airport was not actually in <City>. He grew up there, but I was simply visiting, so I didn't know. I tried to explain, and he did reply, "Yes, there's no way you could have known." Breakthro--nope. The next morning as the relatives were sitting together, he points at me and says, "This guy. I never know when he's going to get emotional." Emotional? Well, I'm not stupid or strong enough to risk talking again.

thanks for listening and the reply. this site is so much more supportive than IRL.

Damn, dude. I can't understand why people are like that. I just don't get it.
My advice: find people who are able to relate to you. Speaking to people online helps, but meeting people in real life really makes you feel less alone.
I plan on going to some sort of group therapy for depression or social anxiety in the future for this reason. I've found that most people who haven't experienced depression/anxiety aren't able to understand - It's astonishing really. It's hard to get by when it feels like 99% don't get you. It seems like you've personally experienced this a lot in your life.
I hope everything in life gets better for you, bud.

 

[inconsequential]

Most are dead. The ones who are alive would laugh if they found out. It's one of the reasons I want to hold on, just until they die.

 

[Mr2005]

No I really couldn't give a shit. They never cared when I asked for help, now there's nothing they can do.