Venting How you will be remembered (Long)

[TheGoodGuy]

Back when I wanted to commit suicide as a teenager I had was Goth, I had style back then, personality and a lot of friends and people who knew me back then it would have been the perfect time to die, nowadays I will turn 25 in April I have lost all my friends and everyone I knew from the past doesn´t know me anymore even when I walk past some friends from 10 years ago it´s like any other stranger like we never met it is so sad.

I wish I could go back in time and kill myself as a teenager back then I had depression and my racing teenage hormones so I FELT every emotion so intense! Now I don´t feel anything anymore I am not happy I am not sad I can only cry when I sit down and look through nostalgic stuff from the past I feel nothing I am numb, I have no style anymore no personality I am just an empty shell of the person I once was if I kill myself now no one would care I wouldn´t even care, as a teenager I loved to fantasize about how people would miss me and remember me but back then time didn´t go as fast as it did today to when fantasizing about people missing me it would feel like an eternity I know now that time goes so insanely fast an in a blink of an eye they will all have forgotten about me like I never existed, of course my close family like my parents of siblings will think of me every day but it hurts so much to think 10 years into the future when my siblings have kids, family and the same for a my friends and when the old friends will think of me as they might do once in a while it´s just "TheGoodGuy" was that guy who killed himself 10 years ago. I will just be dust in the wind completely insignificant.

I miss how as a teenager I felt like I mattered so much, because of all the feelings because of all the hormones racing through my body every experience in life was so intense and so memorable and I still somewhat lived in the moment only thinking weeks or a month into the future of course as a child I looked forward to every single day and the longest I would have to wait for an amazing day was till the weekend, the older we get the longer those good days are apart and eventually they will completely disappear and it´s scary.

Anyways: Do you ever think about how you´d be remembered in particular compared to how you´d be remembered in the past maybe as a teenager?

 

[lemmeeleev]

I am still a teenager and I'll sometimes think about what it will be like after I'm gone. Think about who will even remember me in a few years. But then I remember that eventually everyone who ever knew me will be gone as well. So no one will have any idea who I am, like I never even existed. It's scary to think about, but also comforting at the same time. So I can't really relate so much with the part where you felt like you matter so much more when you're a teenager, but can with the part where it feels like you don't matter at all.

 

[Exile]

I'd say the overwhelming majority of us matter to someone, and we may not even realize it in many cases. In fact, I'd say that it's very likely, no matter how alone we feel. And almost all of us have at least one person (or animal) who really matters to us.

Different people will remember us in different ways. I hope that at least some people I know or have known will smile when they remember me.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I am still a teenager and I'll sometimes think about what it will be like after I'm gone. Think about who will even remember me in a few years. But then I remember that eventually everyone who ever knew me will be gone as well. So no one will have any idea who I am, like I never even existed. It's scary to think about, but also comforting at the same time. So I can't really relate so much with the part where you felt like you matter so much more when you're a teenager, but can with the part where it feels like you don't matter at all.

How old are you?

I hope that at least some people I know or have known will smile when they remember me.

I hope that too but I think they will just quickly think oh that was the guy who killed himself and again I have no style of clothing like when I was Goth or Goth/Street I have really no personality anymore so I just wish people could have remembered me back from when I was a teenager but they can´t because they have seen how I look now; older and with normal looking no hair style just boring and normal.

 

[lemmeeleev]

How old are you?

17

 

[NumbItAll]

I'm a worthless sack of shit so no one will care outside of my family and some online friends... then they'll be dead eventually and it will be like nothing ever happened. I'm fine with that because life is just pointless suffering anyway.

 

[TheCrow]

they have seen how I look now; older and with normal looking no hair style just boring and normal.

I'm telling you, you look like a Disney prince. Guys beyond their teenage years can have really nice, distinctive style, too. I really think you're 3 new outfits away from being a hot commodity.

 

[Sixfeetunder]

I don't think I'll be remembered in a positive light. I'll probably be remembered in a negative light. Maybe my parents will remember some positive things about me, but that would be it.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

17

I realized at 17 my social life had ended there I wish I had ctb back then.

I'm telling you, you look like a Disney prince. Guys beyond their teenage years can have really nice, distinctive style, too. I really think you're 3 new outfits away from being a hot commodity.

I guess I shared some pictures on discord to you hehe? But if you are talking about my teenage years sure I looked good there but not anymore. But thanks anyways it was really sweet of you to say that <3

I don't think I'll be remembered in a positive light. I'll probably be remembered in a negative light. Maybe my parents will remember some positive things about me, but that would be it.

But don´t you wish they could remember you as you wash as a child?

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I'll be remembered as quiet, weird, thoughtful.

In the grand scheme of things I'm super replaceable though. Obviously not to my family, but in jobs, around friends and acquaintances.

In an ideal world I'd just disappear into thin air and noone would notice. They will, but I can only hope that people will one day understand that this is what's best for me.