Discussion How would you save someone who doesn't want to live?

[KleinerWolf]

As above, if you have to, how would you save someone who doesn't want to live?

Do you think it is compulsory to have a purpose/liability in order to live?
How would they do so otherwise if hope isn't there?
Is hope a perception? How would someone go about planting hope in a suicidal person's mind?

 

[feast or famine]

I wouldn't save them. It's not my job. Even if I would want to try, they clearly don't want to be alive and it's their right to leave if they so choose. Putting my thoughts or feelings on them and trying to interfere would be selfish, even if there was good intent behind it. Not to say putting aside our own emotions is easy. I've definitely made mistakes in that regard.

Editing to add: This probably sounds cold, but it's not. I've been in the position of having lost a friend through here due to suicide and no matter what, they were going to go and their mind was made up, regardless of me being there for them. That experience has influenced me to think about these questions a bit differently now. If someone is suffering so much that it's unbearable for them, why should they have to stay?

These are really great questions, by the way. My mind is just too lazy to process all of it.

 

[KleinerWolf]

I wouldn't save them. It's not my job. Even if I would want to try, they clearly don't want to be alive and it's their right to leave if they so choose. Putting my thoughts or feelings on them and trying to interfere would be selfish, even if there was good intent behind it.

These are really great questions, by the way. My mind is just too lazy to process all of it.

u are right.
because I always thought it's hard to save someone from that kind of position and re-establish hope in them.

It's a tough question to answer, for sure.

 

[feast or famine]

u are right.
because I always thought it's hard to save someone from that kind of position and re-establish hope in them.

This makes it a tough question to answer, for sure.

Very tough indeed. There are many variables to be considered. I've so badly wanted to help those that I know want to go because I'd never wish for anyone else to suffer like I have where ctb is the only option left for them in their minds.

At the same time, when my suicidal ideation and behaviors were at their peak, there was nothing that anyone could do or say that resonated with me. I wanted to go.

The most we can do is just be there as much as we can but remember that we don't control much, especially not someone else's decisions. I can't put it on myself to play "god". I hope I am making some sort of sense and not just coming off like a heartless person.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Uh, I suppose if I had to save someone I would try and find out why they don't want to live, then go from there. Being able to truly listen with a sympathetic ear is important. Being able to let go of biases that prevent you from really being present with the person and their story, their struggles. That alone is hard work and many people just don't have the capacity to do that. Hell, I don't know if I can do those things myself...but I can try lol.

Sometimes a person's desire to die is rather complex and there's not much that one average person can really do to "save" them. I guess I would try to help them find resources if they're in a really bad situation - good therapy, shelters, etc. Maybe they need to hear from someone who has walked a similar path, shared similar struggles, and survived. Perhaps offering a different perspective can help.

I feel like it would take a lot of time to truly save someone, the above is very idealized tbh. Even then, after time and effort, there's no guarantee that the person will find a desire to live. There's no guarantee that they'll find hope. And, really, in the end the choice is up to them. I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to someone who is suicidal with a goal in mind to save them, because that's not up to me.

I hope this made sense. Spent a lot of time trying to get my brain going and writing something is coherent.

Just realized I didn't answer your other questions. First, you asked if someone must have purpose to live. I don't know about purpose, but I think it's important to have desires and goals. Without those things, life can be rather empty. People talk about purpose a lot and I think it provides comfort and meaning, but I don't think it's a necessity. You also asked how one would live without hope... People definitely survive without hope. Generally what keeps them going is something like fear or a sense of duty/obligation. It's not a desirable way to live. :(

 

[KleinerWolf]

Yeah true.
It's hard to help people in such a position.

BitterlyAlive is right,
Being a good listener/ a good friend certainly helps,
Resources would come practical.

Along the way, it's got those uncertainties, hard to address/approach.

 

[Nymph]

I probably wouldn't do anything. Those empty words like "it's gonna get better" or "you have so much to live for" are false and ppl just say them because they don't wanna leave you hanging (haha get it? ....) but cant offer actual help-which IS valid because some people just cant be helped and thats why they have the right to do whatever they want with their lives

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'd be there for them and do anything I could, however it would also come with an understanding that if they have finally had enough that I did at least try and then I'd be there for them in their final moments if they wished.

Helping anyone is a case by case situation. No one's the same. Everyone's problems are different. What might help one might not help another. So what I said above is the best advice I've got.

 

[Sensei]

I think that in many if not most cases, it comes down to life circumstances and they can be difficult or impossible to change. For instance, what to do if someone is suffering from a chronic and uncurable disorder? In the end, we have to try to learn how to cope with our problems and perhaps it's possible to help someone learn that. I barely know how to cope myself, though.

 

[Ae54rge]

Majorly depends on the situation, I wouldn't try to save someone who suffers with something along the lines of schizophrenia, if they wished to end their own suffering. If it was something along the lines of severe PTSD then yes I would help, in that particular case doctors would be the last resort, the first would be other sufferers. Military, abusive relationship ect whatever was the best suit. I've seen ex servicemen come back from the edge by others so I know that particular case has merit.

 

[Susannah]

As above, if you have to, how would you save someone who doesn't want to live?

Do you think it is compulsory to have a purpose/liability in order to live?
How would they do so otherwise if hope isn't there?
Is hope a perception? How would someone go about planting hope in a suicidal person's mind?

My experience is that you can't "save" people (what does "to save" means anyway?) who doesn't wanna be "saved". Maybe they pretend wanting you to help them in some matters, but in the end, you end up being exhausted, and drained for energy. Even though it sounds repelling and motivating to save people, it's probably just a diversion to cope with your own feelings. Keep your focus on your give/ take relations.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Has to come from them, otherwise worthless.
If a person did want to help, I guess the trick would be to listen to them, allow them to explore their feelings and help them to figure out if any hope indeed existed. But I'd suggest that sometimes the more you try to 'bully' someone into feeling hopeful and adjusting their attitude, the more the retreat into a negative attitude. So it may be counterproductive.
But if you listen and respect their boundaries, allowing them to make their own choice, then it's that very choice that would have more value if they decided to continue making the effort.
And if they do make a positive choice, to try and find that hope, offering the same sort of non judgemental support to keep them going.
At least, that's how I'd want to be treated.

Edit: But people are complex. Sometimes people actually DO want almost bullying into something, I've had people tell me before "Thanks for shouting at me to do that, I needed a rocket up my arse or I wouldn't have done it." So I guess it comes down to listening to a person enough to understand the nuances of their character and acting appropriately, whilst still respecting their boundaries as you perceive them. Knowing when to back off. And still, in the end it's their choice that has the value. If you have gently persuaded them because you know from experience that's what they really want, the choice to do anything is still theirs.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Wouldn't try and "save" them, has to be personal decision if they want to carry on. Anyway the term "save" them could easily be looked at as leaving them to ctb to "save" them from further suffering

 

[Symbiote]

Loaded question with so many possibilities to make it seem like you're either heartless, pro-life, or pro-choice. I will say this that in the end it's their choice to end their lives and that I would be sad if they did, but I tried to help as best as I could from a non-biased perspective. Mistakes are made, and people judge easily, I know what it's like to be guilt-tripped and shamed for having suicidal thoughts. I know what it's like to be coerced to live because of their selfish needs. It's okay to feel sad and grieve for people who suicided. I tried my best and I hope they found the clarity and peace they desired to make that decision.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Fix their problems.

 

[Mentalmick]

I suppose I would just be there for them. If they wanted to live I would help them and if they wanted to die I would also help them if they asked me.

 

[puppy9]

If someone wanna ctb because of a debt, I will save the person if I can more than afford to pay his debt. I know it sounds stupid and people are assholes that will use this opportunity to fake it for money. *sigh for humanity

 

[Okami]

The most I would do is maybe talk to them, but I wouldn't try to stop any attempt. Their life isn't mine to control.

 

[Maka hiamoe]

I respect their right to end their life so regardless of what I personally think of their reason for making that decision, I wouldn't "save" them against their will.

 

[Aap]

You can save them in the same manner you can stop an unfaithful spouse or partner from cheating. You can delay the inevitable, but in the end you can't control someone else's actions.

the best you can realistically do is be supportive and try to give them a reason to live...

 

[TimeLawyer]

I think there is probably no one size fits all approach when it comes to helping people. If it was me, I might talk to the person and see if I can help if that's what they want. There are some things that maybe I could help someone with, which is great, but if someone has stage 5 cancer and wants to Ctb before the inevitable, there's probably not a lot I could do about that.

I think the way some people go about it like trying to trick, brainwash or gaslight people into hope is futile, because a person who has been manipulated emotionally might wake up to that fact and get even more depressed. Guilting a person into living can just cause more problems as well. The best way is when the person willingly finds some kind of purpose in life and that purpose is something they genuinely believe in themselves. Then there is no trickery or hidden agenda, and the problem is solved at the root.

 

[justanotherstar]

I think I would just sit with that person whilst the sky caves in. I'm not sure I'd call this 'saving' a person though I think that's something someone can only do for themselves but if simply being with someone's pain and suffering without an agenda helps that person come to their own decision then I would do that for them

 

[Deleted member 19276]

Ego, I won't lie to you, it will be probably impossible, but...
I would like to think there are ways.

It takes a lot of courage, selflessness and quick action thinking.
In a way, I'd say if I have to give myself to another that is worth it, I will.
It all depends really...

The number one rule is to be there for them no matter the cost.
It will probably sound like a crock of S to you, platitudes mixed with no meaning in between, but
my number one goal will be to restore their hope.
The very thing you mentioned there above.
Hope, in their brain, mind, heart.
That's all there is to it, from there, they may have the will and control eventually to resume.
Like a computer, you place back the operating system, the system updates on it's own.
It's probably not a lot, but I just hope the example is some sort of idea behind the concept of hope.

 

[MindFrog]

I'd try to be there for the person. But'll probably do more harm than good. Sometimes the best thing you can do is respect their wishes, only slowly persuade them if it's still possible. It really depends on their situation.