how would i even recover as a 34yr old virgin neet hikikomori?

[snowman626]

basically im a walking failure. 34yr old, virgin, never had a gf, been a neet for a year, near hikikomori for most my life so zero social skills, never went to college, no money, living with parents, and cannot carry a conversation.

also i have nothing to offer as far as physical looks go. i am only 5'5'', i have small bones and my hands and arms are the same size or smaller as a girl my age, small penis (4''), and already balding at about a norwood 4. as far as my face its okay i guess, its the only part of me that isn't that sub par.

but suppose i want to try and get a girlfriend, the only possible way i can think of is to make things up and pretend i have money, i have a job, i have had girlfriends before, etc. if successful i could start dating a girl who thinks im normal. as far as social skills and carrying a conversation i think i can fake that too for a little while if i rehearse some stuff.

let me know what you think in the polls

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I might not be the best person to ask, but I'm almost exactly that way at 26 and hope to CTB long before I reach 34. Not encouraging you to do the same, but I'm amazed you've made it this long.

 

[grungeCat]

Lying to meet a girl is not a good idea. You will be quickly uncovered as you supposably lack confidence. Plus girls reject depressed guys as they are evolutionarily programmed to do so. It's just a natural turn of things that guys comfort girls, never conversely. However some people claim it's possible. There are even courses for virgins how to date a girl but all they teach is psychological tricks for lying. Such relationships tend to break up very easily. There's no way to bypass these circumstances. If you suffer from not having girlfriend and you want to go on living then I recommend to supress your libido pharmacologically. Strong antidepressants work very well for this purpose.

 

[Caspers]

Why don't you try to make friends with girls first? They'll expect more from you if you're their BF, so you'd let them down harder if you made a mistake. Try getting meaningful friendships, and escalate when you feel more confident.

Also don't let your height define you, my aunt is much taller than me (5"7) and her partner of over 10 years is shorter than your average woman. Those two are perfect together

 

[snowman626]

I might not be the best person to ask, but I'm almost exactly that way at 26 and hope to CTB long before I reach 34. Not encouraging you to do the same, but I'm amazed you've made it this long.

i wouldn't have made it this long if i wasn't hanging on just for my mother. if not for her i probably would have CTB when i was about 23-26. i am jealous of people who dont have attachments, they can just CTB anytime without having to have the guilt

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Buddy, I hope you realize that the two options you present in the poll aren't the only ones you have, there's much more that either staying inside and avoiding people forever or making stuff up for them to accept you

Firstly, not having a girlfriend doesn't mean you can't change something else about your life and have to stay a hikkikomori forever. Secondly, you don't have to pretend to be someone you don't in order to get someone to accept you, and if you're actually looking for a relationship and not a one-time shag, pretending to be someone you aren't actually isn't a very good idea, because it's not like someone you're actually going to date isn't going to catch you in such major and obvious lies as pretending you have a job or money when you don't.

Plus girls reject depressed guys as they are evolutionarily programmed to do so. It's just a natural turn of things that guys comfort girls, never conversely.

Oh boy...
Let me just say this. I am a 28-year-old female. I am not sure I can still refer to myself as a "girl" but at the very least I was one for quite a while, so I can speak from experience. If anyone is interested in hearing my perspective on how my brain works when it comes to relationships, or my positive experience with being in a relationship with a man who a) was depressed when we got together b) had low self-esteem and was afraid of approaching girls and c) had absolutely 0 experience with girls before me, I'll gladly share and hopefully this can give OP some reassurance. I can also provide multiple different examples of other girls dating men that weren't alfa males and needed help and comfort. I swear to God I am not making shit up when I am saying that financial status, education, previous experience, height, weight and dong size were never even a consideration for me when it comes to choosing either someone to socialize with or a sexual partner, and I know other girls that completely disregard at least some of this parameters and can compromise on others.

However, I would not be surprised if no one wants my perspective. And trust me, I know from experience how one can find comfort in a complete refusal to try. If you never get your hopes up, they can't be crushed, I understand that too. But the choice whether to try or not is truly yours.

OP, I wish you all the best either way. You can live comfortably as a single hikkikomori (I do, my reason for considering CTB is chronic physical pain and financial issues, I would be perfectly content otherwise), or you can choose to give people a chance and try to go out and meet someone. You are not a failure either way, you are a human being and there is no universal standard you have to fit to be "acceptable" and be liked, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There is always someone out there who understands.

 

[grungeCat]

Buddy, I hope you realize that the two options you present in the poll aren't the only ones you have, there's much more that either staying inside and avoiding people forever or making stuff up for them to accept you

Firstly, not having a girlfriend doesn't mean you can't change something else about your life and have to stay a hikkikomori forever. Secondly, you don't have to pretend to be someone you don't in order to get someone to accept you, and if you're actually looking for a relationship and not a one-time shag, pretending to be someone you aren't actually isn't a very good idea, because it's not like someone you're actually going to date isn't going to catch you in such major and obvious lies as pretending you have a job or money when you don't.


Oh boy...
Let me just say this. I am a 28-year-old female. I am not sure I can still refer to myself as a "girl" but at the very least I was one for quite a while, so I can speak from experience. If anyone is interested in hearing my perspective on how my brain works when it comes to relationships, or my positive experience with being in a relationship with a man who a) was depressed when we got together b) had low self-esteem and was afraid of approaching girls and c) had absolutely 0 experience with girls before me, I'll gladly share and hopefully this can give OP some reassurance. I can also provide multiple different examples of other girls dating men that weren't alfa males and needed help and comfort. I swear to God I am not making shit up when I am saying that financial status, education, previous experience, height, weight and dong size were never even a consideration for me when it comes to choosing either someone to socialize with or a sexual partner, and I know other girls that completely disregard at least some of this parameters and can compromise on others.

However, I would not be surprised if no one wants my perspective. And trust me, I know from experience how one can find comfort in a complete refusal to try. If you never get your hopes up, they can't be crushed, I understand that too. But the choice whether to try or not is truly yours.

OP, I wish you all the best either way. You can live comfortably as a single hikkikomori (I do, my reason for considering CTB is chronic physical pain and financial issues, I would be perfectly content otherwise), or you can choose to give people a chance and try to go out and meet someone. You are not a failure either way, you are a human being and there is no universal standard you have to fit to be "acceptable" and be liked, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There is always someone out there who understands.

Of course I wanna hear your experience. But firstly let me put it clear. I'm absolutely not a misogynist and I'm not mad at any girl. There's nothing I can accuse girls in general of. If I offended you I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to. I would like to say that even among depressed virgin men there are more and less disabled individuals. Some men just won't be ever able to maintain a romantic relationship. Whinning about that is all we can do about this. Our disorders are just too strong. I think it's neither our nor your fault. Just genetics and irreparable psychological wounds. Men are for chatting you up and no woman wants to do it instead. Men are for being the stronger one. Men cannot be weak as then he won't be able to defend his family. And we? We are losers.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Appearance and dick size are not that important in my opinion.
All it takes is a little bit of financial stability, genuine personality and self-confidence.

I think a lot of people are secretly not happy with themselves,
nonetheless, if there's something that's fallen short of your own expectations or standards,
it requires your attention to either change it or be oaky with it.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I wouldn't advise making up anything to start a relationship. Eventually the truth will come out and you may loose that relationship. A healthy relationship cannot be started with lies. I'm a 48 yo woman. Height, weight, penis size, finances, appearance or experience never were important to me. What is most important is who someone is on the inside. Maybe start going out socializing and you may meet a nice lady.

 

[znafu]

you should start looking for a job and learn to live on your own before even worrying about getting a gf. you can't seriously expect anyone to settle down with someone with no job or income and who still lives at home with their parents. it's just unrealistic, worry first about being able to feed yourself after the folks are gone so you won't be completely helpless when the day comes.

 

[noaccount]

Hey man,

The g-spot is only like 2" in there, the upper half of a vagina isn't even ennervated much or else if it was childbirth would be damn-near impossible to survive.

Nessie is right. You have some chances probably. Sometimes it can feel a bit awkward and stilted to be developing other hobbies and stuff to talk about (and now with social distancing too!), especially if loneliness is making things kind of unenjoyable to begin with, and to figure out how to talk about things, but it's still worth it I think!

Please don't be discouraged by people saying that men always provide these things for women and not vice versa,
or other things that ignore the huge, incredible, enormous amount of emotional caretaking and protection that women provide for men.

 

[Mr2005]

i wouldn't have made it this long if i wasn't hanging on just for my mother. if not for her i probably would have CTB when i was about 23-26. i am jealous of people who dont have attachments, they can just CTB anytime without having to have the guilt

Then why seek a partner unless you think it could save you? I'm same age as you and I have one and I still want to die everyday for totally different reasons. Should I be thankful for what I have or must I actually have it worse? I dunno. I don't do it only because of her which either gives me something to live for or prolongs the torture depending on how you look at it

 

[Racon]

Coming from your position I tried dating not with making stuff up, but rather by revealing myself slowly. Introduce the quirks slowly, give them to be absorbed and adjusted to... Does that make sense? Don't be like on your profile dating page going I AM A MALE WITH ASPERGERS
Anyway I didn't have much success on the dating scene but I can give you pointers from my experience if you want to message me.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

But firstly let me put it clear. I'm absolutely not a misogynist and I'm not mad at any girl. There's nothing I can accuse girls in general of. If I offended you I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to.

I'm glad to know you aren't angry at women. In no way shape or form I was implying you're being offensive or misogynistic, you're presenting a perfectly valid opinion! My "Oh boy" was an expression of exasperation about wanting to present an alternative opinion, but not knowing how to do it in a way that isn't going to feel like I'm trying to start an flaming session.

I am not going to claim that there aren't any girls that only want a big tall confident guy that is going to be able to provide for them. However, majority of women of all ages that I know are not like that, they are either willing to compromise on these qualities, or don't care about them at all. From my personal experience I can say that if I look at it objectively, my first boyfriend pretty much fit into the OP's description of himself, except he was younger when we got together (but still 8 years older than me), and there wasn't a single moment at any point in our almost 5 year relationship when I would think of him as anything less than my perfect person. We met and bonded through a shared interest (computers) and were friends for 2 years before we started dating, and during that time he ironically repeatedly told me that he absolutely cannot talk to girls because he "doesn't have the social skills" - I suppose, self-assesment of social skills can be very faulty. I am pretty sure I am not some unique specimen, there are countless girls and women out there just like me that don't need you to have money, experience, or to be perfectly confident and issue-free to love you.

However, I am not going to argue that it is possible to be too unwell for a relationship. It has nothing to do with money, job, social status, previous experience or even social skills, it is more of an issue of the mental state. And I am pretty sure that this issue is gender-independent. For some people it's a temporary state, for some, I'm afraid, it really might be a case of "irreperable psychological wounds". But that's a whole separate can of worms.

 

[checkouttime]

If you have to lie to get with a person to impress them. that person wouldn't be for you. an in the end any lies willl come out. you want to be able to be yourself with someone

 

[greebo6]

I wouldn't advise making up anything to start a relationship. Eventually the truth will come out and you may loose that relationship. A healthy relationship cannot be started with lies. I'm a 48 yo woman. Height, weight, penis size, finances, appearance or experience never were important to me. What is most important is who someone is on the inside. Maybe start going out socializing and you may meet a nice lady.

basically im a walking failure. 34yr old, virgin, never had a gf, been a neet for a year, near hikikomori for most my life so zero social skills, never went to college, no money, living with parents, and cannot carry a conversation.

also i have nothing to offer as far as physical looks go. i am only 5'5'', i have small bones and my hands and arms are the same size or smaller as a girl my age, small penis (4''), and already balding at about a norwood 4. as far as my face its okay i guess, its the only part of me that isn't that sub par.

but suppose i want to try and get a girlfriend, the only possible way i can think of is to make things up and pretend i have money, i have a job, i have had girlfriends before, etc. if successful i could start dating a girl who thinks im normal. as far as social skills and carrying a conversation i think i can fake that too for a little while if i rehearse some stuff.

let me know what you think in the polls

Lying to girls you like is a bad idea. It'd just be stressful and get you nowhere. The truth would always come out. It isn't worth it .

 

[lonerclown666]

luck to all of you brother

 

[orca2490]

Without a job or other social outlet I think pursuing a relationship would be very difficult. Mainly because relationships can be hard, even when they're not your main focus. Personally when I've been between jobs or had nothing else to focus on other that that single relationship it made alot of extra stress. Also having some sort of social outlet even a small one provides a way to meet get to know women, one's with similar interests. I know it's hard to believe but as poorly as you feel about yourself and unable to get into a relationship, I promise there are women on the other side who feel the exact same way.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

Have you ever gone to therapy? If you can find someone who specializes in social anxiety, it could be a huge help in the social skills aspect. Meds help too if your issue is physical symptoms like heart palpitations or nausea.

Lying will get you nowhere. People will be able to tell, it's just a vibe that you start to give off when you live an isolated life. Plus, you'll be setting yourself up for failure. Once someone points out your charade, it will feel humiliating and you'll be back at square one.

What can help with social problems is controlled exposure. Don't jump into the world with a whole fake life and high expectations. Have you ever had a job? Try going to a couple different stores by yourself. Work your way up to making small talk with the cashiers. Then, send out job apps. Build up the courage to call the store and ask about the hiring timeline. If you're having trouble with work, see if you can go back to school instead. If you're on the USA, you will be considered an independent student. if you're also low income (as in you by yourself, not with your parent's income included) you could qualify for free tuition and other grants.

A girlfriend won't solve your problems, also people tend to meet their partners while they are out being social and doing normal things like going to class or partying with friends. If you try to force it, girls will get uncomfortable and no one is happy. Focus on developing yourself and getting better, and the rest will come eventually.

 

[OceanBlue]

Just work on yourself if that's your choice. Your attitude towards women is more problematic than your circumstances.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Sorry about the other responses, a shameful display. Thing is, until you get your needs met there might not be enough strength/motivation/positivity to do anything that takes effort. I'm basically paralyzed due to the lack off affection, you should see me when I'm flailing around, grimacing, cringing and crying every night from the cold and hollow sensation in my abdomen haha.

 

[noname223]

I know a man with no money who thinks woman should not have human rights who has a gf. However he asked really a lot. I know some so called losers who have a gf it is not impossible. I tell this to myself too. It is not impossible but hard...

 

[enjoy]

also i have nothing to offer as far as physical looks go. i am only 5'5'', i have small bones and my hands and arms are the same size or smaller as a girl my age, small penis (4''), and already balding at about a norwood 4. as far as my face its okay i guess, its the only part of me that isn't that sub par.

dude, first of all please dont feed into that ridiculous incel shit with bone structure and all that. not all girls want a massive bodybuilder of a guy. most dont, tbh. source: friends with many girls who love dad bods, super skinny guys, etc. and think muscle hunks are actually ugly. everyone has different preferences.

second of all, height doesnt matter. i work at a water park and we get up to 20k visitors a day. ive seen hundreds of 5'2, 5'3 guys walking around with girlfriends. there are short women out there (4'11, 5'0, 5'1) who dont want to date someone whos like, 6'3 because thats just too fuckin tall for them. your height is fine.

dick size doesnt matter man. theres some quote out there that goes "it doesnt matter how big your junk is, it matters how you use it" or something like that. if you really feel the need to compensate then learn about foreplay. theres no such thing as a small tongue and if you wanna fix your hair get on rogaine/minoxidil or finasteride. it will help regrow your hair significantly within 4 months.

but suppose i want to try and get a girlfriend, the only possible way i can think of is to make things up and pretend i have money, i have a job, i have had girlfriends before, etc. if successful i could start dating a girl who thinks im normal. as far as social skills and carrying a conversation i think i can fake that too for a little while if i rehearse some stuff.

dont lie, you will get found out eventually. people know if someone has never dated/had sex. social skills are learnable! lots of people have social anxiety and need to learn how to talk to anyone, let alone a member of their preferred sex.

if you dont wanna look like a creep by going out to meet girls alone then make friends. try to find subreddits/discord servers that circulate around a topic you like with people nearby (e.g. if you live in nyc, find a gaming nyc discord server). youll have something in common and people there probably dont have great social skills either. you can even meet gamer girls there and plan to go out and see where it goes.

as for getting a job, im not sure if you have a degree but if you dont there are still so many opportunities out there. if you live in the usa theres a labor shortage. places are dying for people to work there. some will hire you on the spot. go on indeed.com or glassdoor and look for entry-level careers in your area. you dont have to stay at that job forever.

even if it doesnt feel like it you have hope and options. you will lose your v and get a girl and a job despite your age. dont blackpill yourself or it then it will never happen. feeding into incel shit is when you will reach a point of no return. but i think you have hope because youre posting this here. if you didnt want to fix this then you wouldnt have made this post in the first place.

best of luck

 

[Beached_whale]

1) look up fat loss and muscle gain programmes online

2)Get a job so you can pay for a certain diet (high protein/lean meat and fat, low carb, veggies) and gym

3) lift weights (compound barbell exercises). Look up programmes like 5x5 stronglift. Do cardio if needed.

3) get enough sleep and hydration

4) do this consistently for a few months and hey presto, you now have a banging bod and face (the fat loss changes your face too)

5) enjoy copious amounts of sex. You'd may as well before ctb. Who knows with your new appearance and confidence could help you get a better job so you can move out and then get a girlfriend. You could say you had a rough time but now turned your life around.

 

[Futile]

I know a man with no money who thinks woman should not have human rights who has a gf. However he asked really a lot. I know some so called losers who have a gf it is not impossible. I tell this to myself too. It is not impossible but hard...

Is he good looking?

dude, first of all please dont feed into that ridiculous incel shit with bone structure and all that. not all girls want a massive bodybuilder of a guy. most dont, tbh. source: friends with many girls who love dad bods, super skinny guys, etc. and think muscle hunks are actually ugly. everyone has different preferences.

First you say women don't care about bone structure but then you talk about muscles, which have nothing to do with bones? Almost as if bone structure truly is the most important thing and you have no examples against it

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

Stop being so obsessed with finding a female human to save you or have sex with or whatever you'd want from her. Being desperate will make everyone turn away from you and lying is even worse. If the only goal in your life is mating you should overthink your attitude.
Sorry for being so harsh but I'm getting kinda sick of these posts.

 

[noname223]

Is he good looking?

First you say women don't care about bone structure but then you talk about muscles, which have nothing to do with bones? Almost as if bone structure truly is the most important thing and you have no examples against it

no he is not.

 

[enjoy]

First you say women don't care about bone structure but then you talk about muscles, which have nothing to do with bones? Almost as if bone structure truly is the most important thing and you have no examples against it

??? i was talking about two different topics, dude. girls don't care about bone structure or muscles which is why i put them in the same paragraph. get that blackpill out of your system. almost no one looks at someone's chin and makes that their deciding factor as to whether they sleep with them especially girls. proof: i've talked to them before. have you?

 

[LostSoul1609]

Maybe you should ask yourself what is that you want from life and from relationships.
What are you? What do you like? What do you want to do with a relationship? What do you want to do with your life?
Looks isn't all believe me, and stop biting into that incel propaganda, that's a hateful community and no good comes from there.
If you don't have a goal in life and keep asking the universe to throw you free stuff nothing is ever going to change.
I know it's hard to step away from toxic thought patterns but you can do it.

 

[unperson]

Lying to meet a girl is not a good idea. You will be quickly uncovered as you supposably lack confidence. Plus girls reject depressed guys as they are evolutionarily programmed to do so. It's just a natural turn of things that guys comfort girls, never conversely. However some people claim it's possible. There are even courses for virgins how to date a girl but all they teach is psychological tricks for lying. Such relationships tend to break up very easily. There's no way to bypass these circumstances. If you suffer from not having girlfriend and you want to go on living then I recommend to supress your libido pharmacologically. Strong antidepressants work very well for this purpose.

There are so many exceptions to these things. No offense but this is not really a helpful message, there might be some truth to some of it, but stating your beleifs as if they are facts can be problematic for the OP.

Buddy, I hope you realize that the two options you present in the poll aren't the only ones you have, there's much more that either staying inside and avoiding people forever or making stuff up for them to accept you

Firstly, not having a girlfriend doesn't mean you can't change something else about your life and have to stay a hikkikomori forever. Secondly, you don't have to pretend to be someone you don't in order to get someone to accept you, and if you're actually looking for a relationship and not a one-time shag, pretending to be someone you aren't actually isn't a very good idea, because it's not like someone you're actually going to date isn't going to catch you in such major and obvious lies as pretending you have a job or money when you don't.


Oh boy...
Let me just say this. I am a 28-year-old female. I am not sure I can still refer to myself as a "girl" but at the very least I was one for quite a while, so I can speak from experience. If anyone is interested in hearing my perspective on how my brain works when it comes to relationships, or my positive experience with being in a relationship with a man who a) was depressed when we got together b) had low self-esteem and was afraid of approaching girls and c) had absolutely 0 experience with girls before me, I'll gladly share and hopefully this can give OP some reassurance. I can also provide multiple different examples of other girls dating men that weren't alfa males and help and comfort. I swear to God I am not making shit up when I am saying that financial status, education, previous experience, height, weight and dong size were never even a consideration for me when it comes to choosing either someone to socialize with or a sexual partner, and I know other girls that completely disregard at least some of this parameters and can compromise on others.

However, I would not be surprised if no one wants my perspective. And trust me, I know from experience how one can find comfort in a complete refusal to try. If you never get your hopes up, they can't be crushed, I understand that too. But the choice whether to try or not is truly yours.

OP, I wish you all the best either way. You can live comfortably as a single hikkikomori (I do, my reason for considering CTB is chronic physical pain and financial issues, I would be perfectly content otherwise), or you can choose to give people a chance and try to go out and meet someone. You are not a failure either way, you are a human being and there is no universal standard you have to fit to be "acceptable" and be liked, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There is always someone out there who understands.

Yes, well put, what was presented was a false dichotomy. there are more options. A lot of people appreciated your perspective... I'm tempted to make a post about my own dating misgivings now lol, kinda want to get outa this isolation I've been in, but also feeling insecure in a way that makes even friendships difficult regardless of gender, so idk where to start, and fuck, I'm already in therapy, but manage to somehow mostly avoid this issue of lack of friendships--not a complete lack, but it's pretty sparse.

Just work on yourself if that's your choice. Your attitude towards women is more problematic than your circumstances.

Mr Robot Avatar omg! sorry, adhd
WAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT A MINUTTTTTEEE..... We're replying to a post that's like a year old, wtf happened? Anywho, our replies might help someone out there i guess