Currently, I feel better than when I participated in college courses or during my vocational training. Both were hellholes for my mental health. I almost killed myself because it ruined my health so much.
Primarily, I pity my past self. There is not that much what I regret. My level of suffering was quite extreme. I knew why I chose certain paths. I tried to be logical. I think there are some things I would do differently now. But I had to find out a path for myself and I found a way out. Others also pressured me and I pressure myself all the time.
I am extremely harsh on myself. But I think I am not responsible for my unhappiness the way I was raised was way too fucked up. I notice that my anger towards my family becomes less. I still think it was horrible to beat up a child on a daily basis. And the fact I have asperger make things even worse from a moral standpoint. I think though my life would have sucked anyway. Even without the abuse my parents are morons. And my genes are horrible. Every man in the family of my dad has depression. And I had asperger already when I was born.
I think even if I kill myself in a couple of years. I think blaming it on me would be the false choice. I didn't cause this immense mess I am in.
Primarily, I pity my past self. There is not that much what I regret. My level of suffering was quite extreme. I knew why I chose certain paths. I tried to be logical. I think there are some things I would do differently now. But I had to find out a path for myself and I found a way out. Others also pressured me and I pressure myself all the time.
I am extremely harsh on myself. But I think I am not responsible for my unhappiness the way I was raised was way too fucked up. I notice that my anger towards my family becomes less. I still think it was horrible to beat up a child on a daily basis. And the fact I have asperger make things even worse from a moral standpoint. I think though my life would have sucked anyway. Even without the abuse my parents are morons. And my genes are horrible. Every man in the family of my dad has depression. And I had asperger already when I was born.
I think even if I kill myself in a couple of years. I think blaming it on me would be the false choice. I didn't cause this immense mess I am in.
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