How will I hate my family when I leave?

[Water-Lily]

Some good news I guess

I passed my road test yesterday. I came into it very nervous, but I managed to pass on my 3rd try

I am also going to drop off some documents today for my job upcoming In July. Its a temporary position but is something I actually want to commit to

So you could say that, with everything I am doing, I am not only creating independence but prepping myself for the eventually move out and even no contact with my family

I know once I move my life and mental state is not going to be sunshine and roses. Trauma stays forever and likely the more time I spend away from them, the more clarity about my trauma, abuse, and how they all failed me (especially my dead mom) will surface

I'll likely be in and out of mental health therapy/medication treatments and will be at odds of how I cope with my family and their toxicity

I currently see my therapist once a week and take medication every night but, who knows what other stuff I'll have to do

It makes the moments I do spend with them feel, fleeting

Like my aunt (who I had to instill boundaries with over her behavior) picked out shoes, a chocker, and new earrings for my personal fashion style. Something I genuinely appreciated

This relationships, will change the more I realize how they all fucked me up

I don know how I'll manage

 

[Pluto]

Congrats on passing your road test! Having the independence of a job and ultimately a fresh start with nobody to push your buttons will be a huge shift.

The most constructive way to approach your thoughts about the future is to divide them into two categories:

1) Practical action necessary for planning purposes. This is constructive because it is working with practical necessities. Things like the need to continue therapeutic support, financial planning, transport arrangements, etc.

2) Thoughts about future fears which have no constructive value and fill the body with stress. These thoughts imagine events that are not actually happening, throwing the nervous system into a physiologic stress response as if it were real.

There is an old Eastern saying, 'the mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master.' The advice is to not buy into these thoughts without subjecting them to critical scrutiny. Was the mind predicting doom with the road test, too? Does it have a good track record for being accurate? Can you observe the physiologic response when this worry arises?

If you can gain value at all from this approach, you may feel open to the vast world of literature, practises and communities dedicated to freeing ourselves from the tyranny of the mind. Almost every human is deeply afflicted by this issue, so there's something for everyone who is open.

 

[EmpathyMinded]

There may still be hurdles ahead but this is some great news overall. Sounds like you are making the progress you need toward a better life. Still a ways to go, sure, but these are still steps. Love to see this for you.

 

[Water-Lily]

Congrats on passing your road test! Having the independence of a job and ultimately a fresh start with nobody to push your buttons will be a huge shift.

The most constructive way to approach your thoughts about the future is to divide them into two categories:

1) Practical action necessary for planning purposes. This is constructive because it is working with practical necessities. Things like the need to continue therapeutic support, financial planning, transport arrangements, etc.

2) Thoughts about future fears which have no constructive value and fill the body with stress. These thoughts imagine events that are not actually happening, throwing the nervous system into a physiologic stress response as if it were real.

There is an old Eastern saying, 'the mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master.' The advice is to not buy into these thoughts without subjecting them to critical scrutiny. Was the mind predicting doom with the road test, too? Does it have a good track record for being accurate? Can you observe the physiologic response when this worry arises?

If you can gain value at all from this approach, you may feel open to the vast world of literature, practises and communities dedicated to freeing ourselves from the tyranny of the mind. Almost every human is deeply afflicted by this issue, so there's something for everyone who is open.

I also have other worries

My dad is getting older. And being that my dick abusive brother will likely never change, with my dad already getting weaker, I can see my brother taking advantage of this

He'll find ways to harm me and my dad, with his enabling tendencies, might find it easier to just let my brother wreck havoc as my brother will control him with age
I've also been having weird Uber Al sensations and feelings that are about trauma and I feel will lead to heavy/traumatic realizations about how truly awful my life was

It's all so much and it's what triggered my hospitalization last time

I don't know if I can do this
I'm afraid my therapist is just lying to me