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I know how most of us here feel lonely and isolated. I love you all, I really do. I want to be your friends before my ctb date comes. So right now, I'm just going to give you a quick -hug- and, how was your day today?
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LastWhisper, justanotherstar, HelloHell and 20 others
Same shit different day. But thanks for asking lol
Why do you want to be friends with people if you know your are going to die?
Will that not sabotage your SI?
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Xiaomi, violetsaturn, yive and 3 others
Hi there! Its been a very stressfull day so far, because I am waiting for my SN to arrive (can arrive at any moment now), and I dont want my family to get the package before I do.
@CTBus and your day how is it going? (Hopefully more peaceful than mine)
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KleinerWolf, Xiaomi, violetsaturn and 2 others
As for my day, so far so good! My bipolar state has been on the bright side since I woke up (and that's really strange) so, I'd better enjoy the few "positive" hours left I have lol.
Wish youthe best, pal. You're awesome.
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Xiaomi, violetsaturn, Lostandlooking and 4 others
Still too early to judge, but I did wake up with a migraine, so maybe that's an omen for a bad day. You never said how your day was, so I'll ask: how was your day?
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Xiaomi, violetsaturn, Lostandlooking and 4 others
well, so far, I woke up at 2pm and since then (2 hours ago) I haven't moved an inch from my bed. I am also in a lot of physical pain. but I can only hope that it will pick up from here.
how has your day been, @CTBus? you're a sweetheart for sure.
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Xiaomi, violetsaturn, Lostandlooking and 4 others
Depressing. I got up midday, thought about ctb and since then, apart from walking the dog, I've done nothing but binge drink diet coke and sit on my bed.
Not very exciting I'm afraid but thanks for asking.
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KleinerWolf, violetsaturn, Lostandlooking and 4 others
I'm pissed off, my psychopath brother is ruining me, he's doing it deliberately. It destroys my psyche and the family still has fun with it. He's the strong and pretty guy. They act like monkeys, create injustice, but still believe in god, go to church. this is hypocrisy, they do it to feed their ego, and by their behavior they show that they are monkeys. They believe in a good and just god, which is completely at odds with reality. One gets the same failures and misfortunes from life as the protagonist of the Joker movie, while another enjoys everything, destroys others, and is adored and loved, which increases his self-confidence even more.
google translate is the best.
How can you think that a mobber needs to be respected when he does such dirty things? Or how is a person who is quiet by nature to pretend otherwise? this world is sick.
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Lostandlooking, lobster salad, Symbiote and 1 other person
not sure how to describe this feeling... i know that i will miss lots of things when i ctb, a lot of opportunities and people. it is as if many paths were available somewhere for me hidden in this darkness i am in, and i could find them, i could put effort into them, if only I wanted to. i don't want to choose another path and i don't feel bad for it. i can't force myself to care enough about all that i am about to lose. i feel sad to some extent, but i don't regret the choice i am making. idk.
how about you?
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Peace_of_mind, violetsaturn, Lostandlooking and 5 others
I know how most of us here feel lonely and isolated. I love you all, I really do. I want to be your friends before my ctb date comes. So right now, I'm just going to give you a quick -hug- and, how was your day today?
It's not even 11am yet and I've talked to my therapist. I feel exhausted and more anxious then normal. Therapist wants me to do outpatient and my parents agree. So I'm going to have to do outpatient which makes me anxious af. I'm already so exhausted from a 1h call virtually. They expect me to go somewhere for 7? Like ughh
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Peace_of_mind, violetsaturn and Lostandlooking
I know how most of us here feel lonely and isolated. I love you all, I really do. I want to be your friends before my ctb date comes. So right now, I'm just going to give you a quick -hug- and, how was your day today?
For several days now, I have been imagining myself very close to the sun and turning into ash weighing several dozen grams. Just 0.00001 sec and i'm nothing, like wood ash. Water is me too? Or maybe it's the same as ash, after all it's chemistry. I lose it every day and I am still the same, I will cut off 90% of my brain and I can still be the same if I keep only the essentials. Maybe the soul is in the body, in a tiny elementary particle, so we will be reborn close to the cemetery in the form of a worm?
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Peace_of_mind, Lostandlooking and fck-parents
For some reason I woke up at 6am. I had my phone session with my psychiatrist. It has been dark, cold, raining and gloomy out all day. But, I feel very peaceful and calm. I think having the day off work helped.
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Peace_of_mind, violetsaturn and Lostandlooking
I had a difficult day. Overwhelmed. I had too much social interaction. I get stressed and agitated and my mind doesn't stop after that, everything becomes 'too much'. I've been trying to figure out a way to keep living. How I can survive in this world, knowing how evil people and society can be. But I'm getting nowhere. Just getting myself worked up looking for an answer.
Not looking forward to my Birthday this weekend. All it reminds me is that i'm still here when I don't want to be. Plus i've had nothing to do since the pandemic started and everyday is the same old dumb BS driving me crazy.
I spent the day playing games with my best friend and their partner. It would've been nice, but I was in agonizing pain the whole time, and couldn't stop thinking about how much I want to ctb. Managed to keep a straight face though. It was still a good time, better than sitting around with nothing to focus on but the pain
Same shit different day. But thanks for asking lol
Why do you want to be friends with people if you know your are going to die?
Will that not sabotage your SI?
Hi hacktivist. It won't sabotage my SI lol, I just want to feel some warmth before I die. I am set on dying. Anyways, a routine life can be very boring and sad, one of the causes of my depression.
Hi there! Its been a very stressfull day so far, because I am waiting for my SN to arrive (can arrive at any moment now), and I dont want my family to get the package before I do.
@CTBus and your day how is it going? (Hopefully more peaceful than mine)
I wish you all the best, if it indeed ends up in your family's hands, just tell them its for a science project or something. Also, my day just sucks. Do you know that feeling of wanting to die first thing in the morning?
As for my day, so far so good! My bipolar state has been on the bright side since I woke up (and that's really strange) so, I'd better enjoy the few "positive" hours left I have lol.
Today has been another long day. I have chronic insomnia and don't sleep more than 1-2 hours a night, sometimes none. It's torture, like for every day everyone else lives I am living two because I'm awake all day and all night. My time these days is consumed with research and planning to ctb, yes and the fantasising too, yet i am still trying to find a reason to live, some SI alive and kicking somewhere. Not sure whether I am thankful for that or not. Thanks for asking
Still too early to judge, but I did wake up with a migraine, so maybe that's an omen for a bad day. You never said how your day was, so I'll ask: how was your day?
There are nights when I wake up with a horrible migraine. Have you taken something like Advil to ease the pain? Also, today was just like any other. Depressing.
A good thing about today: I had lost a necklace that was all I really had left of my mom who ctb in 2011 a couple years ago and my s/o found it today in a bag he was emptying to wash
A bad thing about today: My s/o put my phone through the washing machine
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