Help How to talk to people

[islima]

My communication skill are shit online and in the real word. How do I get over I want to talk and engage with other people around me but I cannot bring myself into getting into a conversations. I work as an IT helpdesk technician where I meet a lot of people but I don't have anything to say tho them when I offer assistance.The conversations I mostly have are of the general work topics. I feel like I am missing out on life just because i fail to communicate with other people. This lack of communication is also affecting how I work, I have been given a two weeks notice that they are cancelling my contract due to poor performance. I wanted to go for therapy to get help but that is expensive in where I live and the salary is too little to cover that.

I got the SN packages last month, I wanted to ctb but I stopped as want to give life one last shot, if it doesn't work out I will ctb.

N.B Excuse my English.

 

[Deleted member 94]

Do you have any hobbies or interests, you will be an walking encyclopedia, in my country you can find meetups with similar interests people. This gives you practice and more practice will give you confidence. Do I make sense, you can also converse with people on discords or Reddit. I feel sorry that you lost your job.

I had social anxiety in college but my counsellor said expose yourself to it in little steps, it worked for me I tried it with cousin's rather than family without their knowledge, and then joined forums like gaming ones and did with strangers.

 

[islima]

So far I haven't had any hobbies. I always feel like no one will understand me. I signed up on Reddit a few months ago , even there I feel like I have nothing to contribute I end up reading through other people's comments.

 

[Deleted member 94]

Did you try to develop any interests, what do you like, games, movies, music. Even in the past.

 

[islima]

I was big fan of music, mostly hip hops and soft rock, ten years ago while I was still in High school but all that faded away as years went by I don't know what happened along the way.

 

[Deleted member 94]

So far I haven't had any hobbies. I always feel like no one will understand me. I signed up on Reddit a few months ago , even there I feel like I have nothing to contribute I end up reading through other people's comments.

Believe me Reddit doesn't care about your opinions, people are making light-hearted comments. It's not all deep discussion. This is a way to learn more, even if it means to surf web and add to discussion.

 

[Pharmaruined]

My communication skill are shit online and in the real word. How do I get over I want to talk and engage with other people around me but I cannot bring myself into getting into a conversations. I work as an IT helpdesk technician where I meet a lot of people but I don't have anything to say tho them when I offer assistance.The conversations I mostly have are of the general work topics. I feel like I am missing out on life just because i fail to communicate with other people. This lack of communication is also affecting how I work, I have been given a two weeks notice that they are cancelling my contract due to poor performance. I wanted to go for therapy to get help but that is expensive in where I live and the salary is too little to cover that.

I got the SN packages last month, I wanted to ctb but I stopped as want to give life one last shot, if it doesn't work out I will ctb.

N.B Excuse my English.

You have to be genuinely interested in someone..look at every person as an opportunity to learn something from.. that's the gift everybody brings to the table.. whether it's good or bad.. doesn't matter

Here are other tips and techniques..

how to engage in small talk - Google Search

 

[Deleted member 94]

Would you develop new interests, I'm sure there are still people discussing hip hop, soft rock somewhere on the web. Do you ever wonder stuff like me, I would like to know about this, I'm now trying to learn programming and asking people for help. My job is in finance.

 

[lonewolf22]

My communication skill are shit online and in the real word. How do I get over I want to talk and engage with other people around me but I cannot bring myself into getting into a conversations. I work as an IT helpdesk technician where I meet a lot of people but I don't have anything to say tho them when I offer assistance.The conversations I mostly have are of the general work topics. I feel like I am missing out on life just because i fail to communicate with other people. This lack of communication is also affecting how I work, I have been given a two weeks notice that they are cancelling my contract due to poor performance. I wanted to go for therapy to get help but that is expensive in where I live and the salary is too little to cover that.

I got the SN packages last month, I wanted to ctb but I stopped as want to give life one last shot, if it doesn't work out I will ctb.

N.B Excuse my English.

I have the same troubles. Constantly struggle with things to talk about. Eventually people lose interest because I have nothing to offer. I also suffer from crippling social anxiety which has destroyed my life. I did manage to muster the courage to pursue a relationship after having spent my entire life without being in one and six months in, I feel like I have nothing to talk about. Even when I do, I cant seem to string together the words to articulate my thoughts. Now im on the brink of losing this girl who i sense is getting terribly bored of me. The only chemistry that she has with me is sexual. The best advice that I can offer is to pick up hobbies and try to interact with as many people as you can. If you have constant brain fog which greatly hinders your ability to express your thoughts, then im afraid I cant offer any kind of advice. Sorry you are goin through this. I know its absolute hell.

 

[Ghost2211]

Superficial conversations are pretty easy to bs your way through. Talk about the weather, compliment something, talk about food, talk about something nearby or in the immediate environment, discuss work, or even just ask about their day. Talking to outgoing people that will lead the conversation helps too.

 

[tidalwxves]

My communication skill are shit online and in the real word. How do I get over I want to talk and engage with other people around me but I cannot bring myself into getting into a conversations. I work as an IT helpdesk technician where I meet a lot of people but I don't have anything to say tho them when I offer assistance.The conversations I mostly have are of the general work topics. I feel like I am missing out on life just because i fail to communicate with other people. This lack of communication is also affecting how I work, I have been given a two weeks notice that they are cancelling my contract due to poor performance. I wanted to go for therapy to get help but that is expensive in where I live and the salary is too little to cover that.

I got the SN packages last month, I wanted to ctb but I stopped as want to give life one last shot, if it doesn't work out I will ctb.

N.B Excuse my English.

Thank you for being honest and asking for help, I'm proud of you for giving life another chance. A therapist might be able to work with you on building your social skills, have you tried that?

 

[_Minsk]

My communication skill are shit online and in the real word. How do I get over I want to talk and engage with other people around me but I cannot bring myself into getting into a conversations. I work as an IT helpdesk technician where I meet a lot of people but I don't have anything to say tho them when I offer assistance.The conversations I mostly have are of the general work topics. I feel like I am missing out on life just because i fail to communicate with other people. This lack of communication is also affecting how I work, I have been given a two weeks notice that they are cancelling my contract due to poor performance. I wanted to go for therapy to get help but that is expensive in where I live and the salary is too little to cover that.

I got the SN packages last month, I wanted to ctb but I stopped as want to give life one last shot, if it doesn't work out I will ctb.

N.B Excuse my English.

havent read the whole thread but i can say for sure quite a lot of people are just not meant to fit in, and its fine. or maybe its just related to depression. but tbh i would also just skip small talk. deep down i dont even care about the weather, it feels unnatural to talk about stuff which i dont care about. i would rather be on my own than to pretend to be someone else, people might love your mask but as soon as you take it of you will lose them. i want to be accepted for who i am.

 

[tidalwxves]

havent read the whole thread but i can say for sure quite a lot of people are just not meant to fit in, and its fine. or maybe its just related to depression. but tbh i would also just skip small talk. deep down i dont even care about the weather, it feels unnatural to talk about stuff which i dont care about. i would rather be on my own than to pretend to be someone else, people might love your mask but as soon as you take it of you will lose them. i want to be accepted for who i am.

There is no one who is meant to be isolated, its not about small talk. We are built for connection, it can just be hard to find the right people to be vulnerable with.

 

[Lmd]

What I did is watch and learn. People usually don't have interesting things to say they just talk about what they do or random stuff. If you aren't used to it maybe this sounds silly but try to speak more about what's on your mind like, maybe you can compliment someone if you think they have a nice t-shirt or something like that. If you show interest eventually people will come to you.

If you can't do it, as someone said here, having a hobby can help. Look for something you might like and try to stay in a group of people with the same interest can help you to improve your social skills.

Giving a good impresion is important too. If you are open and nice people will notice and they'll want to talk with you. Sometimes we miss oportunities because we don't know how to react when people talk with us but if someone aproachs you trying to be nice and you notice it, even if you don't know what to say in the moment don't give up. Try to explain yourself later "hey I'm not good at this" or whatever, if they have empathy they will understand.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

sadly talking to people is a process so complex and nuanced that is can't be described well. Getting a good read of the emotions in a situation is important so that you can react properly and get a good flow in conversation. I struggle a lot with this but it does get slowly better through practice.

 

[onlyeverexisting]

I'm really sorry about your job dude. I know that can be devastating.
I'm probably not the best person to give advice on this since I struggle with it too, but hey. As others have mentioned, it's really complicated- but when in doubt, ask lots of questions to start out with. Not in rapid succession though if you can avoid it (don't make them feel like they're being interrogated), and try to make them meaningful. Then make a statement/observation on whatever the subject is, ask another question, repeat. Since you said you mostly talk about work stuff, maybe try to ask people what they do outside of work to start out with? Conversations are a give-and-take, so it's a good way to contribute from your side if you don't feel comfortable talking about yourself yet.

Also, remember that isolation and depression compound on each other, so please try to be as patient and kind with yourself as you can. This isn't easy for a lot of people, especially when you're depressed, but it's a skill that can be picked up again. I hope there are better days ahead for you.

 

[placeholder]

Maybe this can help. How to Have a Great Conversation

 

[islima]

I'm really sorry about your job dude. I know that can be devastating.
I'm probably not the best person to give advice on this since I struggle with it too, but hey. As others have mentioned, it's really complicated- but when in doubt, ask lots of questions to start out with. Not in rapid succession though if you can avoid it (don't make them feel like they're being interrogated), and try to make them meaningful. Then make a statement/observation on whatever the subject is, ask another question, repeat. Since you said you mostly talk about work stuff, maybe try to ask people what they do outside of work to start out with? Conversations are a give-and-take, so it's a good way to contribute from your side if you don't feel comfortable talking about yourself yet.

Also, remember that isolation and depression compound on each other, so please try to be as patient and kind with yourself as you can. This isn't easy for a lot of people, especially when you're depressed, but it's a skill that can be picked up again. I hope there are better days ahead for you.

Thanks for the advise I try to slowly apply it daily. I know it wont be easy but I will try.

Maybe this can help. How to Have a Great Conversation

Thanks.

Thank you for being honest and asking for help, I'm proud of you for giving life another chance. A therapist might be able to work with you on building your social skills, have you tried that?

Thanks for the advice. I tried to get the help from therapists but they are expensive, with my salary I cannot afford one.

 

[Giraffey]

If I'm stuck for something to say to someone, then I will ask a question. An example, I was speaking with a very shy gentleman a couple of years ago, general chit-chat to fill time while we were both basically just waiting around. I noticed that he was wearing an old Casio watch so to keep the conversation going I said "I like your watch, is that a Casio?", "Yes, I like it, it's simple" he replied. "It looks technical, does it have an alarm on it, or a stopwatch? Or a rain sensor?" - that last bit was a little joke. He laughed, "No, it doesn't have a rain sensor! But it has an alarm on it". "Ah, well I'm impressed, they don't sell them anymore do they? Where did you get it?"

So from just one little observation, I had a topic to ask him a question and continue the smalltalk. Another great conversation starter is music, if you're in an urban area there is nearly always some kind of music playing somewhere. Sometimes I'll comment on what's playing and ask if they know who the artist is (even if I know). If they do then great, I can ask questions about that and find out if we share any musical tastes. If they don't know then I'll comment on the genre and include a question, eg. "She sounds like a cat stuck in a dishwasher... But I don't know much about pop, I prefer rock myself. What about you?"

It takes practice and that practice will only come from actually trying it out in the field (or online) chatting away to people but it's definitely a skill you can train and once you get better at communication (and with practice, you will), the world kind of opens up a lot and feels a lot less intimidating.

Take this from a guy who used to be extremely, extremely shy when he was younger.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

It's not a great time obviously but bartending helped me get out of my comfort zone. Unemployment, however, has put me right back there.