how to stop getting traumatized?

[maylurker]

in every social setting in a group of people or whatever the second i feel like a third wheel/ignored i feel deeply hurt even if its just a regular small thing. after that i avoid every social interaction and this person/group of people. it turns out that i cant build a normal social circle because i feel unappreciated or rejected. what do i do? i tried to lower my expectations but its just not working. i go all-in like a fool all the time and people disappoint me by not reciprocating my effort

 

[ipmanwc0]

same, but I have a two close friends now, so thankfully I don't need to try interacting with others now which I hate. for me it was finding other people with autism because people without autism instinctively don't like me :/. but if you don't have autism, you'll need to develop social skills/treat social anxiety/join communities of ppl like minded. don't try to talk to more than one person at once is my advice, it's really easy to get third wheeled that way

 

[maylurker]

but if you don't have autism, you'll need to develop social skills/treat social anxiety/join communities.

im not even sure anymore. what if i have adhd or audhd. that would make sense if i got used to wear a mask of "over the top expressive person" that i overcompensate for my dull personality exhausts me and takes a lot of effort and when people don't appreciate it i feel like my efforts doesn't even matter. but for neurotypical person being social shouldn't be something tiresome? i'm not even sure what is my real personality. maybe i got used to mimic expressive people because then you seem "normal" and "friendly". i always been told that im boring. idk anymore

 

[sanctionedusage]

being social shouldn't be something tiresome? i'm not even sure what is my real personality. maybe i got used to mimic expressive people because then you seem "normal" and "friendly". i always been told that im boring.

might be audhd tbh, v literal with the masking to be social and then feeling exhausted by it

 

[maylurker]

might be audhd tbh, v literal with the masking to be social and then feeling exhausted by it

i don't even know if im masking or not, it makes sense that if i actually unconsciously do play a role then its logical why it feels so depressing and soul crushing to get rejected or ignored

 

[sanctionedusage]

i don't even know if im masking or not, it makes sense that if i actually unconsciously do play a role then its logical why it feels so depressing and soul crushing to get rejected or ignored

rejection sensitivity dysphoria? linked to adhd

 

[maylurker]

rejection sensitivity dysphoria? linked to adhd

yes exactly. symptoms match perfectly. i dont know how to overcome it. i feel like im cursed being nd because every social interaction is such a risk. every single person i talk to that makes me feel something good lives rent free in my head for awhile and its not normal, no one usually cares about people with the same intensity like i do, its almost like an obsession

 

[sanctionedusage]

yes exactly. symptoms match perfectly. i dont know how to overcome it. i feel like im cursed being nd because every social interaction is such a risk. every single person i talk to that makes me feel something good lives rent free in my head for awhile and its not normal, no one usually cares about people with the same intensity like i do, its almost like an obsession

one of my friends described your first post almost exactly, with people calling her boring, micromanaging herself in social interactions, feeling 2nd to everyone else regardless. shes literally one of my most interesting friends; i think most nt's just don't know how to interact with someone with adhd and try to get close to them with the same strategy you'd use on a normie, get nowhere, and give up. another one of my friends is adhd, heaavy on the expressive persona, and has a way easier time making friends— but she's also surrounded by other nd people constantly.

the intensity/obsession is normal tbh i get it too. im pretty sure its just from a prolonged lack of social interaction and close friends. it makes my social anxiety way worse + could make your rsd symptoms flare up in the same way. feels like bpd sometimes

 

[ipmanwc0]

yes exactly. symptoms match perfectly. i dont know how to overcome it. i feel like im cursed being nd because every social interaction is such a risk. every single person i talk to that makes me feel something good lives rent free in my head for awhile and its not normal, no one usually cares about people with the same intensity like i do, its almost like an obsession

have been like this too, ig it's a biological instinct to make you try your best to get acceptance from the ppl most likely to give it

 

[MapleS]

Trying to work on your emotions may help (I reccomend therapy if you can afford it). Like it helps with 'you can stand your emotions and move on'. It helps with accepting your emotions.
If it's too much to bear right now you can try mood stabilizers (for too intense emotions) so you can first tame lower intensity emotions and then get off meds and tame higher intensity emotions.
I'm in the process of that and it helps a bit

I have autism btw

 

[maylurker]

Trying to work on your emotions may help (I reccomend therapy if you can afford it). Like it helps with 'you can stand your emotions and move on'. It helps with accepting your emotions.
If it's too much to bear right now you can try mood stabilizers (for too intense emotions) so you can first tame lower intensity emotions and then get off meds and tame higher intensity emotions.
I'm in the process of that and it helps a bit

I have autism btw

thanks. im still not sure what exactly causes it but ur right