How to stop being so scared of asking for help?

[witchthing]

I'm kind of confused as to why I'm like this. Unless a person is very close to me, I could never tell anyone how I really feel. I can feel this getting worse too, I'm starting to fear talking about how shit things are to people very close to me. I believe the only way for me to not kill myself by the end of the month is to reach out for professional help but I'm horrified of doing so. Do I need to stop giving a shit or maybe stop thinking and just talk? I was off 'recreational' drugs for the first time in a while today along with being out of my d(issociation)epression cave and I was very close to ending it then.

The only causes I can think of are fears from

• Negative consequences that may result such as loosing some rights as an American
• Being seen by others as an insane person with issues who should be avoided
• Suicide talk with people I can't 100% trust would likely lead to an involuteer psych ward stay
• History of rejection and being forced to suck it up because of my social experiences and parents.

I'm kind of desparate, I'm so fucked especially since severe mood swings change everything so quickly. I'm trying my best but how do I stop holding back so I can actually get better? I really want to see if life could be good, and if it doesn't I'd be glad to know I tried so I could peacefully end it.

 

[kitch]

I'm in a similair situation.

Not US , but reluctant to put myself in front of a Doctor.

I think it's part of the problem.

I am very isolated and it's easy to lose focus with the constant mood swings , I relate to that .

I have thought recently that I sometimes close off avenues of potential help because of past bad experiences , and also because we have "decided" that ceratin things are not acceptable possibilities.

I am trying to nurture a more compromised realistic view of the assistance I might be able to get .

"It won't be perfect , it may be annoying , it may piss me off , but it's something ... and at the early stages of trying to get some help ... until I get a clearer picture or learn how to get a clearer picture , I will have to settle for "not a perfect solution" ".


That is what I am telling myself now ...
I saw a Doctor seventeen years ago and his response was "in the ball park" , but it is in "the nature of the world" (not exactly perfect ) that it missed a few vital areas ... but it wasn't anywhere as bad as it could have been .

I hope this is of some use ... it is difficult to be realistic when "realistic" just seems so shit !
But maybe "less shit" is the best we can hope for to start with .

 

[JustHeckinKillMe]

Same here

 

[jesse]

The concerns you list are completely rational. It makes sense to be careful who you tell and how. For me... I've had to rationalize that my need to understand and heal is more important than my immediate need to feel safe. It's a decision I continually reassess, and I think that's okay. It helped me when first seeking therapy to break the task into pieces. I figured out my insurance directory one day. I wrote down one of their numbers another day. Yet another day I finally called. I've done that process a few times, actually.

 

[WhiteDespair]

When I have to make a call I don't want to I usually dial all the numbers except the last one. Then, I press the last number. It may take a few tries but I usually make the call. The same principle applies here. You can get yourself as close as possible to the last part. Then you may need to force yourself to do the last part. But it's easier to dial 1 number rather than 9.

You won't lose too many, if any, rights as an American. You really shouldn't experience negative consequences and you may be inventing ones to paralyze yourself.

If people see you as insane then cut them out of your life. There's no need for that. One thing I've learned about life is that most people really don't care. The ones you should keep around do care. You also don't have to bring it up with people unless you want to.

No, suicide talk wouldn't automatically lead to an involuntary psych ward. As long as you aren't an imminent threat to yourself you should be fine. Talk about it in past tense so it doesn't seem like you're CtB at the moment. I've had conversations with my therapist about CtB and I'm not in a psych ward. Hell, I even told someone about SN when they asked how I would CtB. That person expected a humorous answer and I gave an honest one with an explanation. We're still friends. Waiting until you can 100% trust someone sounds like a means of avoidance to me. Find a therapist you click with, build a rapport and talk. Therapists come with nondisclosure and confidentiality agreements. That should make it easier.

You can suck it up and get a therapist if that's your pattern. Since you get to choose your therapist you can reject as many as you want. You have that power. So, you really shouldn't worry about rejection unless you're completely uncooperative. Getting a therapist is sucking it up in a manner of speaking.

It's really up to you. It's your choice. Find out what your rationalizations are and whether they're real or not. If you want the therapist you should be able to get one.