Help How to stop being so hostile?

[dreaming]

Ever since my suicidal thoughts keep becoming amplified I've become so hostile even to those I love, I don't want to be.
I'm frustrated and impatient at myself still being at alive, someone else got in my way of my last attempt, I can't get the thought out of my head that I'm *supposed* to be dead and now I just get annoyed at everyone and everything so quickly.
Even if I still want to die, I don't want to spend the time I'm still alive treating the people I care for so awfully.
I distanced myself from most people, it's just a couple close ones.. I can't bring myself to distance them, I love them too much and I'm afraid of being alone when I die.

 

[sadbh]

Idk how to be less hostile, but apologizing when you hurt people is the best you can do and goes a long ways.

 

[DarkFriend.]

I too have found myself increasingly hostile over the years. Especially in the sense that I've distanced myself from everyone.

Though I wonder, what do you mean by being afraid of being alone when you die? Do you not plan on killing yourself by yourself? Or perhaps you mean it in the sense of connection? I think that oft suicidal people like us, at least in part, distance ourselves from others so as to relieve them of the inevitable trauma our departure will inflict upon them, and so it seems very natural that we will actually want to be alone.

In any case, the only advice I can offer in terms of regulating your hostility and tolerance for annoyance would be to have an outlet for your frustrated energy. It can be many things, and tends to be different from person to person. In my case it is bodybuilding.

If you can find something to channel your energy into in the meantime, despite feeling like you shouldn't even be here, perhaps your mood can be better stabilized.

 

[dreaming]

I too have found myself increasingly hostile over the years. Especially in the sense that I've distanced myself from everyone.

Though I wonder, what do you mean by being afraid of being alone when you die? Do you not plan on killing yourself by yourself? Or perhaps you mean it in the sense of connection?

In any case, the only advice I can offer in terms of regulating your hostility and tolerance for annoyance would be to have an outlet for your frustrated energy. It can be many things, and tends to be different from person to person. In my case it is bodybuilding.

If you can find something to channel your energy into in the meantime, despite feeling like you shouldn't even be here, perhaps your mood can be better stabilized.

At first I was considering the possibility of double-suicide, but now I'm conflicted on it, I'd feel guilty for involving someone else.
I was referring to the sense of connection like you said.

Good suggestions, needing an outlet for frustration sounds obvious when said, but I think I needed a reminder, so thanks.

 

[itsgone2]

i was hostile too. Walk away, count to ten; anything. It's so deeply a regret for me. Wish I had better advice. At least you realize it