Help How to soothe the guilt of my close friend who's had a loved one CTB before

[crowbait]

It's really set in that my life wouldn't be this hard if I was meant to live it. So I've sent a tentative approximate date in November. I want to try and have one good final month before going out. Not committing to it, but I'm setting it up as an option. I'll hang out with my friends and enjoy the changing of the season and horror movies and autumn walks and Halloween, and spend most of my time with my newfound close friend who means more to me than anyone else. But my friend is presenting a large roadblock- he had a loved one CTB a few years ago and it completely traumatized him. He doesn't care as much for me as I do for him (he's my only true friend in this city and I have BPD, he's a social butterfly, so naturally I've gotten too attached) but I know he does still really care for me and I'm so scared and sad knowing I'm going to upset him like this. Whenever he talks about how her leaving still affects him it makes my stomach twist, an actual physical sharp cold stab through my gut. I know he'll be hurt at first no matter what I do, and I do know he will eventually get over it given we only grew close recently, but I want to alleviate that trauma as much as possible and avoid re-opening that old wound as much as I realistically can. I care for him so unbelievably much and I don't want him in any more pain. Does anyone have any advice for how to make you leaving more comforting to loved ones and stop them from taking on the guilt? Is there anything specifically to say in a note- beyond the obvious- that could help them make peace with it?

 

[hopelessgirl]

That is such a good question. I have no idea. The only one I care about leaving, is my brother. And I honestly don´t know what I´d say to him. I considered giving him the rest of my SN in case he wanted to follow me, but that is pretty much it.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Since you probably can't have a conversation with him while you're alive, write him a letter explaining that you had felt this way for long time before ever meeting him. You cherished and enjoyed the time you spent with him but your pain has caught up with you. Just like love and friendship aren't enough to cure cancer, there is emotional pain that can't be solved by those things either, no matter how strongly or sincerely felt.

That's what I'd say. My friends I've told know and accept that there wasn't anything they could do ans to expect that of them was asking for the sheer impossible.

That said, since it's just a tentative desire at this point, I hope things can improve for you.