How to properly apologize for wrongdoings?

[Black_Knight]

Title says it all. What's the best way, in your opinion?

 

[pole]

Title says it all. What's the best way, in your opinion?

be sincere and genuine in you're apology. make them feel how sorry you are, whether its through you're words and actions.

put YOURSELF in there position. if you were them, and they did what you did to them, what would you want from that person in terms of an apology? what would u want that person to do to make up for it.

 

[Black_Knight]

be sincere and genuine in you're apology. make them feel how sorry you are, whether its through you're words and actions.

put YOURSELF in there position. if you were them, and they did what you did to them, what would you want from that person in terms of an apology? what would u want that person to do to make up for it.

I can't. I'm in denial. A part of me always wants to do damage control. What I did was heinous. If someone did what I did to me I'm not sure what I'd want them to do. So I'm not sure of what to do. I am sincere in the sense that I hate the fact that I hurt the person that I did, and that I did in the way that I did, and that I don't want that for them.

I think I have to ask them how they feel. But I'm not sure I'll have the opportunity to, or that I really should anyway.

 

[Donewith_]

Say them how you didn't mean to do it , how it turned out in predictable way.. and ask them if they could forgive.

 

[pole]

I can't. I'm in denial. A part of me always wants to do damage control. What I did was heinous. If someone did what I did to me I'm not sure what I'd want them to do. So I'm not sure of what to do. I am sincere in the sense that I hate the fact that I hurt the person that I did, and that I did in the way that I did, and that I don't want that for them.

I think I have to ask them how they feel. But I'm not sure I'll have the opportunity to.

you cant ask them how they feel, you yourself know how they feel. even by thinking of trying to put urself in their position, you can sense what you would feel. i just feel like asking, isnt the best; if i was the person, i'd be like, wait, they really dont understand what they did? how dont they know what im feeling? Obviously im feeling this way!

You urself said its heinous. The persons gonna be feeling one way likely about it. The best thing to do is put urself in their position. Its hard i know, but think for a second, if you were them, what would u want out of a possible apology? If you are sincere and genuine and you did it in the way that you did, show them. tell them.

words can uphold so much value, use them wisely to make the other person feel what you want them to feel, which is you're sincere apologies and sadness over what you did. empathize and sympathize with them and how there feeling, comfort them.

Actions speak louder than words, kind gestures, reach out to them irl. i feel like speaking irl over text, is much more powerful.

 

[Black_Knight]

you cant ask them how they feel, you yourself know how they feel. even by thinking of trying to put urself in their position, you can sense what you would feel. i just feel like asking, isnt the best; if i was the person, i'd be like, wait, they really dont understand what they did? how dont they know what im feeling? Obviously im feeling this way!

You urself said its heinous. The persons gonna be feeling one way likely about it. The best thing to do is put urself in their position. Its hard i know, but think for a second, if you were them, what would u want out of a possible apology? If you are sincere and genuine and you did it in the way that you did, show them. tell them.

words can uphold so much value, use them wisely to make the other person feel what you want them to feel, which is you're sincere apologies and sadness over what you did. empathize and sympathize with them and how there feeling, comfort them.

Actions speak louder than words, kind gestures, reach out to them irl. i feel like speaking irl over text, is much more powerful.

Sometimes I can do that but the other half of the time I'm so angry and defensive that I feel like it invalidates my previous state where I genuinely feel bad about it. And then I'm stuck in this emotionless state where I just want everything to go away.

I know that if this person literally repeated to me what I said to them verbatim I'd feel bad

But the thing is I'm not sure that it even matters to them as much as I think it does. Maybe they've moved on, and it means nothing now, and I shouldn't disturb that.

Sorry I know that what I'm saying is a clusterfuck, and I feel like a clusterfuck so it's fitting lol. But I need this person to know that whether or not it matters, they're special still, and I made them feel the exact opposite, and I shouldn't have.

I don't think they really want an apology, or anything out of one. I think they've already consigned me as an unmistakable fuckup. And it's my fault, and it didn't have to be, and there's nothing I can do about it. So if I ever did anything about it, my motive would be inherently selfish. But I can't live with this.

 

[Soul]

I think being specific about what you regret is an important ingredient in a decent apology. None of that "whatever I did" or "if I did anything" crap. You know you hurt the person. "I didn't mean to" isn't any good either. No excuses. You done wrong. You know it. You regret it. You wish you could undo it and/or make up for it, but feel at a loss to start making amends.

 

[PatKat]

Doesnt matter if I am dead. Nothing matters at that point.

 

[Black_Knight]

I think being specific about what you regret is an important ingredient in a decent apology. None of that "whatever I did" or "if I did anything" crap. You know you hurt the person. "I didn't mean to" isn't any good either. No excuses. You done wrong. You know it. You regret it. You wish you could undo it and/or make up for it, but feel at a loss to start making amends.

Yeah I've been rehearsing something like that in my head. If something ever happens, I have to listen, and not impose, and not be defensive.

 

[pole]

Sometimes I can do that but the other half of the time I'm so angry and defensive that I feel like it invalidates my previous state where I genuinely feel bad about it. And then I'm stuck in this emotionless state where I just want everything to go away.

I know that if this person literally repeated to me what I said to them verbatim I'd feel bad

But the thing is I'm not sure that it even matters to them as much as I think it does. Maybe they've moved on, and it means nothing now, and I shouldn't disturb that.

Sorry I know that what I'm saying is a clusterfuck, and I feel like a clusterfuck so it's fitting lol. But I need this person to know that whether or not it matters, they're special still, and I made them feel the exact opposite, and I shouldn't have.

I don't think they really want an apology, or anything out of one. I think they've already consigned me as an unmistakable fuckup. And it's my fault, and it didn't have to be, and there's nothing I can do about it. So if I ever did anything about it, my motive would be inherently selfish. But I can't live with this.

i understand completely. but its gonna keep eating u out alive and bothering you till you truly let them know how you feel. imo, id text them, a heartfelt, genuine text message. who knows if they want anything to do with you, of if there trying to ignore you or push you away, you dont know that for sure. they also might really want a heartfelt apology, be cared for, wish you reach out and talk about it? you dont know till you truly try.

id definitely text them. imo i wouldnt get it off my mind and id be feeling guilty as shit if i didnt. you only live once, and even if ur planning to ctb or not, there isnt a harm in an apology. You apologizing wont affect them in any negative way? if anything, they'll find closure.

dont feel like a clusterfuck, ur going through alot, its okay. goodluck with everything, and hope you do end up texting the person and find peace and closure in the situation.