Help How to prepare before i CTB?

[JustFloatingEnergy]

I've been planning on CTB for months now and I've had it planned for tomorrow, the 7th of july. However now that there is only one day left i don't really know what to do.
Can someone give some suggestions like should i leave a note to my parents to explain and stuff and should i leave the money i have in my bank account out as well or something?
I'm only 19 so I'm kinda confused.

 

[s3gfault]

I've been planning on CTB for months now and I've had it planned for tomorrow, the 7th of july. However now that there is only one day left i don't really know what to do.
Can someone give some suggestions like should i leave a note to my parents to explain and stuff and should i leave the money i have in my bank account out as well or something?
I'm only 18 so I'm kinda confused.

Figuring this out is part of the process. I personally am planning to leave a note. I'm leaving my money in my bank account and not leaving any kind of will (don't think anyone would my belongings). I'm requesting that I be cremated and scattered in our favorite vacation destination.

I of course know nothing about your situation but as you're quite young I have to ask, are you sure this is what you want? You don't seem very committed so I just want to make sure you aren't going out on a whim or over something that would seem inconsequential in a few years. Please don't take offense at this, I'm just trying to be supportive and make sure you understand the weight of what you're planning. Your parents will most likely be heartbroken. But if the pain is too much, I respect your decision, you are an adult and ultimately it's up to you. Hope you find your peace whatever decision you make.

 

[JustFloatingEnergy]

Figuring this out is part of the process. I personally am planning to leave a note. I'm leaving my money in my bank account and not leaving any kind of will (don't think anyone would my belongings). I'm requesting that I be cremated and scattered in our favorite vacation destination.

I of course know nothing about your situation but as you're quite young I have to ask, are you sure this is what you want? You don't seem very committed so I just want to make sure you aren't going out on a whim or over something that would seem inconsequential in a few years. Please don't take offense at this, I'm just trying to be supportive and make sure you understand the weight of what you're planning. Your parents will most likely be heartbroken. But if the pain is too much, I respect your decision, you are an adult and ultimately it's up to you. Hope you find your peace whatever decision you make.

Correction: I just realized i hit 19 four months ago. This just shows how much i don't even care about myself anymore that i don't even remember how old i am.
I've been dealing with depression ever since i was young, dealing with being beaten up by my dad and being always under the pressure of my family to have good grades and be the best and all that. Which i did. But now that I'm in college and I'm being responsible for myself i get a lot more time to think about my life, and realize that none of this is what i want. The path i am following in life doesn't please me or motivate me to do anything. I was pushed into studying medical stuff but I'm really not interested and don't enjoy it, or enjoy the people I'm around. And that slowly eats at me and makes me regret every life choice i made.

More than that I've had big problems with my ex of 2 years and she was pretty much my entire life. She was the only person i ever felt alive with. And the only person and the only thing i ever wanted in life. I didn't care about success or validation from society or my parents, all i wanted was her. And when i lost her i became very irresponsible and self destructive causing me to spiral into a never ending cycle if suffering.

I realize this might sound like teenage drama and all that but I believe I am pretty mature as a person and i know that I'm suffering way too much for someone who is 18. I feel like i have no family and no friends. And this can only keep getting worse with time, so i might as well end it now.

Sorry for the long reply.

 

[s3gfault]

Correction: I just realized i hit 19 four months ago. This just shows how much i don't even care about myself anymore that i don't even remember how old i am.
I've been dealing with depression ever since i was young, dealing with being beaten up by my dad and being always under the pressure of my family to have good grades and be the best and all that. Which i did. But now that I'm in college and I'm being responsible for myself i get a lot more time to think about my life, and realize that none of this is what i want. The path i am following in life doesn't please me or motivate me to do anything. I was pushed into studying medical stuff but I'm really not interested and don't enjoy it, or enjoy the people I'm around. And that slowly eats at me and makes me regret every life choice i made.

More than that I've had big problems with my ex of 2 years and she was pretty much my entire life. She was the only person i ever felt alive with. And the only person and the only thing i ever wanted in life. I didn't care about success or validation from society or my parents, all i wanted was her. And when i lost her i became very irresponsible and self destructive causing me to spiral into a never ending cycle if suffering.

I realize this might sound like teenage drama and all that but I believe I am pretty mature as a person and i know that I'm suffering way too much for someone who is 18. I feel like i have no family and no friends. And this can only keep getting worse with time, so i might as well end it now.

Sorry for the long reply.

Sorry to hear what you've been going through. This might seem like a weird suggestion but have you ever looked into the NoFap community on Reddit? It's a community dedicated to self improvement and curbing porn addiction. I used to do it and noticed that it made a huge difference in my mood and self-esteem after a long streak... more confidence, more attraction from women, less negativity, and a greater ability to take charge of my life and pursue what I wanted. I feel like if I had done it in high school / college I could have been so much happier, had so many more friends and success with women. The way I see it is if you watch porn you're basically tricking you're brain into thinking your life is amazing since you're banging a different beautiful girl every night, which is the whole point of life speaking from an evolutionary standpoint... so if you are doing that well then why would you need to make any real changes in your life? If you take that away then you are forced to go out and seek happiness in the real world, and it can push you out of your comfort zone which can lead to new things you never even imagined. Just a thought, you could try it and if nothing changed still go through with your plan.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I decided to not leave any notice, just vanishing like some quantum particle

 

[suicidalstrawbabie]

Correction: I just realized i hit 19 four months ago. This just shows how much i don't even care about myself anymore that i don't even remember how old i am.
I've been dealing with depression ever since i was young, dealing with being beaten up by my dad and being always under the pressure of my family to have good grades and be the best and all that. Which i did. But now that I'm in college and I'm being responsible for myself i get a lot more time to think about my life, and realize that none of this is what i want. The path i am following in life doesn't please me or motivate me to do anything. I was pushed into studying medical stuff but I'm really not interested and don't enjoy it, or enjoy the people I'm around. And that slowly eats at me and makes me regret every life choice i made.

More than that I've had big problems with my ex of 2 years and she was pretty much my entire life. She was the only person i ever felt alive with. And the only person and the only thing i ever wanted in life. I didn't care about success or validation from society or my parents, all i wanted was her. And when i lost her i became very irresponsible and self destructive causing me to spiral into a never ending cycle if suffering.

I realize this might sound like teenage drama and all that but I believe I am pretty mature as a person and i know that I'm suffering way too much for someone who is 18. I feel like i have no family and no friends. And this can only keep getting worse with time, so i might as well end it now.

Sorry for the long reply.

Your feelings are valid. I just want to say though, that most 18 year olds believe they're way more mature than what they are. I'm 22, and i was very immature and naive when I was that age despite thinking otherwise, and I probably still am. That didn't stop my suicide attempts, and actually I ended up experiencing more trauma and hardships since then, but I'd be remiss without saying that you're very young and don't have much experience. Our brains don't finish developing until we're 24-25. We're constantly changing as people and our values evolve. When you're a teenager you're kind of just a bundle of hormones, and that's natural.

you're free to do whatever you want. I just wanted to tell you that when I was 18, I was also suffering way too much, but I just lacked the proper resources to handle it. Moving out on my own gave me my own space and I felt less trapped. Now I can prepare for my suicide without having to worry about being found, and there's no pressure. I had an abusive parent as well.

i hope you find your peace wherever it may be. You deserve it. Good luck.

 

[Elbarado]

I feel you and im sorry what you went through and what you are going to.

Its your free descision

What
suicidalstrawbabie
said is very good

In addition i know what it feels to try always to be the best and /or everything right, its a burden. Partly given from family and after getting it, we will do it in the future. Its a constant wheel of never beeing happy, because you always feel exhausted, never lucky and you never feel really satisfied, cause you cant do everything right or do the best.
A short question: do you know what would make you more satisfied?
You wrote you were pushed into med stuff...well i fell you and i can imagine that is a burden on top. You dont really want to do it, you are not happy, but you dont want to quit cause of your parents, or your inherited attitude to be the best. Maybe you think its a shame to quit it.

But before you ctb, take your time and think if there is anything that would make you happier despite studying medicine. Why do i say it? i had the same problems back in the days.

As for your question, in the case you ctb one day, i would leave a note to my parents

 

[s3gfault]

Your feelings are valid. I just want to say though, that most 18 year olds believe they're way more mature than what they are. I'm 22, and i was very immature and naive when I was that age despite thinking otherwise, and I probably still am. That didn't stop my suicide attempts, and actually I ended up experiencing more trauma and hardships since then, but I'd be remiss without saying that you're very young and don't have much experience. Our brains don't finish developing until we're 24-25. We're constantly changing as people and our values evolve. When you're a teenager you're kind of just a bundle of hormones, and that's natural.

you're free to do whatever you want. I just wanted to tell you that when I was 18, I was also suffering way too much, but I just lacked the proper resources to handle it. Moving out on my own gave me my own space and I felt less trapped. Now I can prepare for my suicide without having to worry about being found, and there's no pressure. I had an abusive parent as well.

i hope you find your peace wherever it may be. You deserve it. Good luck.

Yes, when I was 18 I thought I was mature. Now I'm 26 and don't think I am lol.