here are some threads re survival instinct via the search function of the site. SI seems a
very common issue. i probably don't have any helpful tips, but i'll share my experiences just in case.
although my SI was strong in the weeks/days before my previous suicide attempts, it went away immediately prior to those attempts. in the final moments before those attempts, i honestly wasn't scared of dying or death at all. it was far from peaceful: i was
desperate to escape the most hopeless and painful moment of my life, but SI wasn't an issue and didn't enter my head. can anyone relate to their SI disappearing just prior to a previous attempt?
i think my next attempt will be different, because my compulsion to die is coming more from external pressures/future threats than the internal pressures (e.g. self-hatred) of previous attempts. i still hate myself, but i'm better (psychologically) than the times of my previous attempts. although the desire to die is just as strong, i think SI will be greater because external pressures are a bigger factor; i'm not
begging to die like before. my large dose of benzos will help, and i'll try to focus on how inevitably prolonged and horrible my future is rather than the brief moments of pain in the process of dying... but i think i'll stilll be more scared this time. OTOH maybe it will go away again, just before drinking the SN and while waiting for unconsciousness. i hope so.
i think SI varies on lots of factors. one might be the combination of the individual + method, e.g. for me firearm is too gruesome, even though i know it would be instant and leaving a mess (so long as nobody has to clean it up) is irrelevant. my previous attempts were CO, hanging, jumping in front of a vehicle (psychosis; biggest regret), and OD (imipramine + quetiapine -- don't). i wonder if SI varies with reasons too, e.g. whether one wants to die of their own accord/for their own reasons vs external pressures leaving them no other choice?
not really any solid tips, sorry. but maybe your SI disappears just prior to your attempt like mine did. the alcohol should help; you'll be in good company (
almost ⅓ of all suicides are legally intoxicated). possible suggestions: contrast the brief suffering of dying with the prolonged suffering of life and (hopefully) eternal peace. something else i try to keep in mind --
everyone is going to die, suicide or not. only difference is in the quality of dying... and most methods are an improvement over years/decades of slowly losing your health, chronic illness, falling apart, cancer, dementia, etc.
are you more scared of the process of dying or death itself? is your suicidality more from internal or external sources?
i hope you can find some peace.
