ForgottenAgain
On the rollercoaster of sadness
- Oct 17, 2023
- 958
It's been more than 15 years, I thought it was all figured out but now I'm stuck. I feel like my life is frozen in time and I'm living between feeling suicidal and feeling exhausted.
Yesterday was the appointment with the psychiatrist, got some meds, but she also told me I need to figure out what happiness is. That life with BDP is empty, lonely and muted by default.
How the fuck do I figure out what happiness is? I supposedly achieved what I wanted (stable job, nice rented house, boyfriend, pet) and I feel so little.
I worked for this for years, I worked my ass off for this career. I succeeded and I feel nothing.
Now I have this vague task of finding the meaning of happiness but how??? I hate all of this so much. I hate myself so much.
Yesterday was the appointment with the psychiatrist, got some meds, but she also told me I need to figure out what happiness is. That life with BDP is empty, lonely and muted by default.
How the fuck do I figure out what happiness is? I supposedly achieved what I wanted (stable job, nice rented house, boyfriend, pet) and I feel so little.
I worked for this for years, I worked my ass off for this career. I succeeded and I feel nothing.
Now I have this vague task of finding the meaning of happiness but how??? I hate all of this so much. I hate myself so much.
