How to let go and let die?

[Ambivalent1]

This is a variation of the religious who say "Let go and let God."

I think my ocd is intertwined with my SI and I don't know how to disentangle it. Help

Maybe the way I conquer my ocd is to conquer my ultimate compulsion - to live. Compulsions are aimed at reducing uncertainty. To die is to jump into uncertainty embracing whatever it holds. Maybe I can spin ctb in my head as conquering my greatest problem forever. I'd lose my life in the process though so there is no awareness of victory and no potential for good times ahead.

 

[SVEN]

When you are ready, it will happen, I believe.

 

[Ambivalent1]

When you are ready, it will happen, I believe.

No. Sometimes in life you have to be pushed externally by circumstances. An internal feeling of "I'm ready I'm ready" is SpongeBob fantasy. For instance, if your parents enable you to lounge around not working or going to school, you'll never suddenly decide to do those things, but if your parents threaten homelessness, you'll make a choice.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

CTB is imo only possible of someone is in a total state of desperation ans hopelessness, it's also possible if you have a strong intention to do it perhaps after long and serious meditations whatsoever. It is still a difficult process to do the last step into the unknown.

No. Sometimes in life you have to be pushed externally by circumstances. For instance, if your parents enable you to lounge around not working or going to school, you'll never suddenly decide to do those things, but if your parents threaten homelessness, you'll make a choice.

In this case there are only 2 choices, either doing sth what you may not like to do or just setting the point here and ctb is unconditional. Whatever desire is stronger in this case, wanting die but still wanting to live although things are not like someone wishes for them to be?

 

[Ambivalent1]

CTB is imo only possible of someone is in a total state of desperation ans hopelessness, it's also possible if you have a strong intention to do it perhaps after long and serious meditations whatsoever. It is still a difficult process to do the last step into the unknown.

My desperation and hopelessness shift depending on my level of tiredness, stress, hunger, etc. How am I supposed to ever hit my breaking point if I just keep adapting?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

My desperation and hopelessness shift depending on my level of tiredness, stress, hunger, etc. How am I supposed to ever hit my breaking point if I just keep adapting?

Somehow it's similar here although our personal situations may be so different. I'm sure I can only attempt (and hopefully be successful) in a moment of total desperation and hopelessness when I just go ahead with my method not caring for anything else.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Somehow it's similar here although our personal situations may be so different. I'm sure I can only attempt (and hopefully be successful) in a moment of total desperation and hopelessness when I just go ahead with my method not caring for anything else.

So time it so your attempt happens at a particularly bad moment even though you know the moment could be survived if you sleep, distract yourself, think of a solution to your current issue as you always have done before?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

So time it so your attempt happens at a particularly bad moment even though you know the moment could be survived if you sleep, distract yourself, think of a solution to your current issue as you always have done before?

I see myself trapped in a difficult situation after a big lifetime failure. It's either I cope with the facts or I don't and prefer CTB instead of becoming a 9-5 shift slave in the worst case just to keep me alive for the next decades while I will still not be happy with that. I'm pretty much confident that CTB is the only option for me but still there's always too much hope I could have a new idea in the litterarely "last second". It's very difficult for me to put all this stuff into written words.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I see myself trapped in a difficult situation after a big lifetime failure. It's either I cope with the facts or I don't and prefer CTB instead of becoming a 9-5 shift slave in the worst case just to keep me alive for the next decades while I will still not be happy with that. I'm pretty much confident that CTB is the only option for me but still there's always too much hope I could have a new idea in the litterarely "last second". It's very difficult for me to put all this stuff into written words.

The last second thing would be terrible. The mind holds off on helping you until it's too late. Worthless bio-computer blue screen of death.