Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
Like how do y'all keep up with house chores and such? Eat? Find things to do inbetween bc planning to CTB does not take all day everyday?
Rn.... im still struggling to eat. I had some juice this morning and it made my stomach feel sick for a couple mins after. But now having hunger cues that I do not wanna feed into. Not comfortable eating.
I needa wash the dishes and would like to get up and clean more. The motivation or desire to step outta bed is lacking but so is the physical ability too. Never used my ADHD meds for energy without food kinda thing bc for me they always made me hungry. My current ones... eh? Not as much. So I could but still would probs needa eat. I have some rice krispies(?) Cereal that kinda feels safe enough to eat. Maybe. Thats all im able to consider/my eating disorder will allow.
One of my ear like the side of it hurts from wearing my headscarf so much which in all my misery isn't per say unwanted pain.
Ugh just got a phone notification that I have therapy in an hour.
Shall be pointless and might not stay for whole appt. Dunno why I am still trying but ig its bc I dont have a set method. I don't have a sure way outta this.
Im struggling a lot with that too. Like how can I go if I don't kno the how. How after all this time can I go and after all this time not knowing. Just makes me wanna give up but then if I give up on CTB and I give up on life where does that even leave me fr fr...
Do I just??? Barly live? Do I just?? Like I dunno. I don't wanna be stuck. I don't wanna be in this life anymore. Its so so sooooo tiring.
Im not as sick mostly just my nose stuffed ig. So gonna take meds, maybe eat a small box of cereal. Wait for my med delivery. Order some groceries (just cleaning supplies) maybe cup Ramen & gummies. I dunno. Order cannabis capsules. Wash the dishes. Maybe do laundry and other stuff. Pushing my body when it isn't up to the task is another self punishment thing. Which...
ig my friend was right/had a point that not eating may be a self punishment thing. I thought this time around not really but... eh?
Sighs I'm not depressed per say but not not depressed? Well... ig im just... I dunno. Ig I am depressed. Im so tired (I slept) but I needa stay awake anyway. So here goes nothin in regards to taking my meds and getting shit done today. I'm exhausted so kno I needa get smthin in my body that's a lil more than liquid or order a fuller smoothie.
I wish there was a clear direction to go into for methods like one that felt right but rn nothing does. So I just gotta force it. Or smthin.
Rn.... im still struggling to eat. I had some juice this morning and it made my stomach feel sick for a couple mins after. But now having hunger cues that I do not wanna feed into. Not comfortable eating.
I needa wash the dishes and would like to get up and clean more. The motivation or desire to step outta bed is lacking but so is the physical ability too. Never used my ADHD meds for energy without food kinda thing bc for me they always made me hungry. My current ones... eh? Not as much. So I could but still would probs needa eat. I have some rice krispies(?) Cereal that kinda feels safe enough to eat. Maybe. Thats all im able to consider/my eating disorder will allow.
One of my ear like the side of it hurts from wearing my headscarf so much which in all my misery isn't per say unwanted pain.
Ugh just got a phone notification that I have therapy in an hour.
Shall be pointless and might not stay for whole appt. Dunno why I am still trying but ig its bc I dont have a set method. I don't have a sure way outta this.
Im struggling a lot with that too. Like how can I go if I don't kno the how. How after all this time can I go and after all this time not knowing. Just makes me wanna give up but then if I give up on CTB and I give up on life where does that even leave me fr fr...
Do I just??? Barly live? Do I just?? Like I dunno. I don't wanna be stuck. I don't wanna be in this life anymore. Its so so sooooo tiring.
Im not as sick mostly just my nose stuffed ig. So gonna take meds, maybe eat a small box of cereal. Wait for my med delivery. Order some groceries (just cleaning supplies) maybe cup Ramen & gummies. I dunno. Order cannabis capsules. Wash the dishes. Maybe do laundry and other stuff. Pushing my body when it isn't up to the task is another self punishment thing. Which...
ig my friend was right/had a point that not eating may be a self punishment thing. I thought this time around not really but... eh? Sighs I'm not depressed per say but not not depressed? Well... ig im just... I dunno. Ig I am depressed. Im so tired (I slept) but I needa stay awake anyway. So here goes nothin in regards to taking my meds and getting shit done today. I'm exhausted so kno I needa get smthin in my body that's a lil more than liquid or order a fuller smoothie.
I wish there was a clear direction to go into for methods like one that felt right but rn nothing does. So I just gotta force it. Or smthin.
