wiIIow
Arcanist
- Sep 22, 2018
- 458
Hey guys, bit of a dilemma here, and I could use some advice.
Last month, my boyfriend's kid came out to us as trans. So we've adjusted the pronouns and names we use and are doing everything we can to make sure he feels comfortable and supported. It's been a fairly easy transition for me, but the dad is having a harder time with it. He's trying, but he does slip up, and feels frustrated in general with the situation. He's dealing with a lot of mixed feelings; he feels like he's lost the child he's known for 17 years, he feels guilty for feeling this way, and he feels confused about the whole thing. But he doesn't want to cause his child any pain either, and wants to support and encourage his kid exploring and finding his identity. I'm just wondering what can be done to make this situation easier for everybody, and what we need to do to support this kid.
Now, here's a major layer of complication: his mom. This child's mom is absolutely not supportive, and is thoroughly convinced that this will ruin his life. She constantly mocks and belittles him, tells him that he will wind up being a bum living on the streets, and that she refuses to refer to him how he wants to be referred to. She also wants to put him in some sort of conversion therapy, and has told his counselors not to support his identity. Oh, and my boyfriend has to deal with a barrage of texts every so often, reminding him that he is a shitty father for supporting his kid. And believe me, there is no rationalizing with this fucking woman.
So like... what the fuck do we do lol. This is obviously an extremely toxic environment for the kid to be in, but there's seemingly not much we can do other than provide a comfortable place on the weekends. I'm just really worried that this will cause irreversible damage, especially combined with his already existing issues with depression and anxiety.
I don't really know what to ask specifically, I understand gender identity issues and dysphoria, I've just never actually had someone close to me wind up coming out as trans. So I'd like advice, I want to know if there's something I need to be doing, or... idk. I wanna do things right and be as supportive as possible, and prevent as much damage as possible
Last month, my boyfriend's kid came out to us as trans. So we've adjusted the pronouns and names we use and are doing everything we can to make sure he feels comfortable and supported. It's been a fairly easy transition for me, but the dad is having a harder time with it. He's trying, but he does slip up, and feels frustrated in general with the situation. He's dealing with a lot of mixed feelings; he feels like he's lost the child he's known for 17 years, he feels guilty for feeling this way, and he feels confused about the whole thing. But he doesn't want to cause his child any pain either, and wants to support and encourage his kid exploring and finding his identity. I'm just wondering what can be done to make this situation easier for everybody, and what we need to do to support this kid.
Now, here's a major layer of complication: his mom. This child's mom is absolutely not supportive, and is thoroughly convinced that this will ruin his life. She constantly mocks and belittles him, tells him that he will wind up being a bum living on the streets, and that she refuses to refer to him how he wants to be referred to. She also wants to put him in some sort of conversion therapy, and has told his counselors not to support his identity. Oh, and my boyfriend has to deal with a barrage of texts every so often, reminding him that he is a shitty father for supporting his kid. And believe me, there is no rationalizing with this fucking woman.
So like... what the fuck do we do lol. This is obviously an extremely toxic environment for the kid to be in, but there's seemingly not much we can do other than provide a comfortable place on the weekends. I'm just really worried that this will cause irreversible damage, especially combined with his already existing issues with depression and anxiety.
I don't really know what to ask specifically, I understand gender identity issues and dysphoria, I've just never actually had someone close to me wind up coming out as trans. So I'd like advice, I want to know if there's something I need to be doing, or... idk. I wanna do things right and be as supportive as possible, and prevent as much damage as possible
