how to go about dying outside practically?

[eggsausagerice]

i'm trying to figure out what i should buy for myself when my ctb date gets closer. i know that i'll need a lantern, but i don't know if i should buy a tent or just a blanket for myself so that i can lay down. what does everyone else think? a hotel's not really in the cards for me if i can only afford one with bed bugs. i still wish that there was an easier way for me to die discreetly. i thought about doing it in my closet the other day, but i think it would make selling the house hard. i don't want to inconvenience my parents or lose all of my sn.

for anyone dying outside, are you planning on buying anything or are you just going to be on the grass? thanks for reading.

 

[NotSoEnchanted]

My last two significant attempts were both outside. For one I brought a blanket since it was snowing, and a headlamp because I went out at night. For the other I just brought my water bottle and pills to OD on. This time around I plan to just bring my phone, SN, and maybe one of my dogs stuffed toys to comfort me. I'll die on rock, so not the most comfortable, but at least I'll go out with a stellar view.

You should buy and bring with you whatever will make you feel most comfortable/safe. Rather it be a blanket, stuffed animal, or tent. It can be impractical if you want, so long as you're comfortable.

 

[EmptyBottle]

@2ndme chose a park near midnight:

byebye thread [SN]

hi, this is my goodbye thread~ i made a thread earlier regarding my method: plan review thread reposting it: no eating or drinking for 24 hours (im here!) 1000mg paracetamol 0 minutes 400mg ibuprofen 0 minutes *20mg meto 45 minutes take your time making the SN (*17g, 35ml of water, but add...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[sanctionedusage]

im going outside but itll just be hanging in free air. a rope and possibly a ladder. there are lampposts everywhere which i hope will give me enough light. i'd definitely bring bug spray or something, tent or not

 

[eggsausagerice]

You should buy and bring with you whatever will make you feel most comfortable/safe. Rather it be a blanket, stuffed animal, or tent. It can be impractical if you want, so long as you're comfortable.

thanks for this comment. i've been kind of stressed and bummed out while waiting for my ctb date to come faster, but i know i'll feel anxious on the real day. there isn't much you can do when you're anxious when you wait and anxious when it's time. the only thing i can do is comfort myself with what i bring to my ctb location. i planned on bringing my phone to listen to music, but i also thought about packing a plushie in my bag. i have a flashlight, but i need the lantern to be able to use a spoon to measure my sn in the glass.

i'd definitely bring bug spray or something, tent or not

good point. i still get bitten by bugs even when i'm wearing jeans and a long sleeve shirt, so i still need to get some. the heat's definitely better than when i was rying to attempt in the summer. i felt disgusting when i was covered in sweat and getting bitten by bugs at the same time. i definitely feel paranoid hanging out in the forest, but i know there won't be any animals to hurt me because it's a nature reserve instead of a real forest.

i'm looking forward to leaving a lot, even if i feel anxious. i have almost everything ready. i've been pressured to ctb before, so i don't want to say the exact date i plan on doing it on or i'll feel like i'll get shamed for it. i don't know why i'm still on the forum if i felt so upset by someone trying to make me kill myself. i know that kind of thing must happen occasionally, but it feel sad that i might matter more to people if i'm dead. mostly just felt lonely because i barely talk to my friends anymore and i feel depressed when i talk about myself. i haven't found a way to feel less alone, but it feels better than forcing myself to talk to people i don't like so that i can feel good about myself. i have a much lower capacity for happiness these days and often feel like laying in bed. today i went on my laptop for the first time in a while, even though i don't feel like sitting at my desk. i think i just want to spend more time outside until the day i go. i still can't relax at home and i'm worried about lashing out my family, because i did that last time i was about to kill myself.

 

[EmptyBottle]

i'm looking forward to leaving a lot, even if i feel anxious. i have almost everything ready. i've been pressured to ctb before, so i don't want to say the exact date i plan on doing it on or i'll feel like i'll get shamed for it. i've mostly just felt lonely because i barely talk to my friends anymore.

Just remember that there is no obligation to CTB here (whether one CTBs or not should be their choice). Even after goodbye threads have been posted people have at times updated to say that they were cancelling the attempt.

If you like, consider sending even a 'hi' message to people who you don't mind talking to.

 

[Sammystink]

My last two significant attempts were both outside. For one I brought a blanket since it was snowing, and a headlamp because I went out at night. For the other I just brought my water bottle and pills to OD on. This time around I plan to just bring my phone, SN, and maybe one of my dogs stuffed toys to comfort me. I'll die on rock, so not the most comfortable, but at least I'll go out with a stellar view.

You should buy and bring with you whatever will make you feel most comfortable/safe. Rather it be a blanket, stuffed animal, or tent. It can be impractical if you want, so long as you're comfortable.

The detail about the stuffed toy made that hit hard for me.
I might do something like that for a future attempt

 

[eggsausagerice]

If you like, consider sending even a 'hi' message to people who you don't mind talking to.

the thing is, i don't feel like i even want to have a conversation. i don't have anything i actually want to talk about and it feels really awkward to send texts to people i only talk to when i see them in person. i stopped making friends on sasu but i tried to be friends with some people in the past. i ended feeling bad because we would never stay friends for long or i would want to distance myself from them. there's a guy i hung out with last week that i've been trying to get to message me again, but i figure that i'll have to drop his number because he doesn't want to reach out to me. i've been pretty depressed about being left on read over the weekend, but talking about how i want him to talk to me makes me feel really lame. i've just been trying to not think about it.

Even after goodbye threads have been posted people have at times updated to say that they were cancelling the attempt.

i've seen that as well. i'm just kind of worried about psyching myself out once i make a goodbye thread. i'm also just antisocial and i don't want my thread or my profile to get a lot of attention when i've made an effort to be a more private person after a failed attempt. i'm worried about how alone i might feel on the day i die because of how isolated i've become to cope with my depression. i've stopped being interested in my hobbies, so i have even less to talk about these days. i can't consider myself good company for anyone anymore.

 

[EmptyBottle]

the thing is, i don't feel like i even want to have a conversation. i don't have anything i actually want to talk about and it feels really awkward to sent texts to people i only talk to when i see them in real life. i stopped making friends on sasu but i tried to be friends with some people in the past. i ended feeling bad because we would never stay friends for long or i would want to distance myself from them. there's a guy i hung out with last week that i've been trying to get to message me again, but i figure that i'll have to drop his number because he doesn't want to reach out to me. i've been pretty depressed about being left on read over the weekend, but talking about how i want him to talk to me makes me feel like a loser.


i've seen that as well. i'm just kind of worried about psyching myself out once i make a goodbye thread. i'm also just antisocial and i don't want my thread or my profile to get a lot of attention when i've made an effort to be a more private person after a failed attempt. i'm worried about how alone i might feel on the day i die because of how isolated i've become to cope with my depression. i've stopped being interested in my hobbies, so i have even less to talk about these days. i can't consider myself good company for anyone anymore.

Oh, thanks for sharing. Friends who one wants to distance themselves aren't fun for me either.

It also does feel annoying when messages go unread for a while, sometimes the message gets read and the person apologises, sometimes they lost their account or similar, etc.

Additionally, I don't want to create some goodbye thread unless I'm reasonably confident that I'll CTB, coz I'd probably be worrying some of the users here.

 

[sanctionedusage]

i'm looking forward to leaving a lot, even if i feel anxious. i have almost everything ready. i've been pressured to ctb before, so i don't want to say the exact date i plan on doing it on or i'll feel like i'll get shamed for it. i've mostly just felt lonely because i barely talk to my friends anymore and i feel depressed when i talk about myself. i haven't found a way to feel less alone, but it feels better than forcing myself to talk to people i don't like so that i can feel good about myself. i have a much lower capacity for happiness these days and often feel like laying in bed. today i went on my laptop for the first time in a while, even though i don't feel like sitting at my desk. i think i just want to spend more time outside until the day i go. i still can't relax at home and i'm worried about lashing out my family, because i did that last time i was about to kill myself.

i love u eggsausagerice/mp
i'll miss your posts here whenever you choose to go

i'm keeping my timeline a secret for the same reason. ive already been on sasu longer than 6 months. to the dickheads who think they're entitled to only reading posts from "people serious about ctb'ing," i'm stalling just as much as someone who's been on suicide forums for 15+ yrs. might as well take my time and keep the pressure off until the end

 

[eggsausagerice]

i love u eggsausagerice/mp
i'll miss your posts here whenever you choose to go

i heart you parasocially as well sanctioned sausage and pog at your username when i see you in comment sections even though i log in significantly less (lol). i think it's funny when people deliberately type out my long username. i've had a lot of good memories on the website before and after my account change, and i was only able to have a good time because of people like you.

i'm keeping my timeline a secret for the same reason. ive already been on sasu longer than 6 months. to the dickheads who think they're entitled to only reading posts from "people serious about ctb'ing," i'm stalling just as much as someone who's been on suicide forums for 15+ yrs.

the competitive or "real vs fake" aspect of sasu from people that have been on here for multiple years or just a few weeks is really the worst part of the website. new people will think old people ar pretending and old people will think new people are pretending. even i intrusively think about how real or fake i am as a suicidal person, even though i shouldn't shame myself for not killing myself when living is the baseline state of existence. one of the signs that i needed to chill out is that i found myself getting tired of new users trying to find a new method or talking about making a doohickey that kills them automatically (no one will EVER make a rube goldberg suicide machine, stop talking about it). knowing that i have such strong opinions about a suicide website and it's users makes me feel like i'm crazy, but i have to remind myself that it's basically been my life since last year.

 

[EmptyBottle]

the "competitive" or "real vs fake" aspect of sasu from people that have been on here for multiple years or just a few weeks is really the worst part of the website. even i intrusively think about how real or fake i am as a suicidal person, even though i shouldn't shame myself for not killing myself when living is the baseline state of existence. one of the signs that i needed to chill out is that i found myself getting tired of new users trying to find a new method or talking about making a doohickey that kills themselves automatically. knowing that i have such strong opinions about a suicide website and it's users makes me feel like i'm crazy, but i have to remind myself that it's basically been my life since last year.

I also hate that aspect where some users think that a person who's around for over a year may be fake. I've sometimes posted a link to my CTB attempt thread as 'proof', somehow they didn't say "that isn't a real attempt", if they said it, I'd give the Hmmph reaction instead of engaging further.



As for the new method discussion, I sometimes find it interesting when there is innovation, but annoying when there are yet another non-method idea (the non method thread is stickied too!)