Jc40

Jc40

Specialist
Mar 3, 2019
354
I didn't go into work today because I couldn't get out of bed. There is no 'friend' to contact. I am alone. I've not picked up medications because haven't got out front door so have to wait till Monday. I'm waiting on call back from cpn but I know she can't help really. I wanted to go to my mums but can't handle arguments so decided against it. Just feeling crappy. I know people are feeling worse because they will end it this weekend and I feel bad for that, that people have to. No interest in shitty tv or movies. Have been listening to music because it helps the tears come out apart from that I can't cry. I just feel so wrought up is all.
 
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GoPeaceful

GoPeaceful

Message me if you need someone to talk to :)
May 14, 2018
61
I can absolutely relate - so hard to get trough the weekends. I'm in exactly the same position. Just try to distract you, listen to music, watch some YouTube, read a book, browse this forum, sleep. And eventually you will make it trough the weekend. I know it isn't the best idea, but for me, if I can't go any longer, sometimes alcohol helps. Hang in there!
 
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dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Feb 18, 2019
1,298
Damm , I just dislike everything.. wish I could miss my job, but can't or won't eat

This weekend I came to a retreat, Ayahuasca, it's a heavy natural psychoactive thing...

People here , I dunno, I don't seem to fit in.

We are supposed to stay for the whole weekend , I dunno if I'm gonna make it....
 
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Dead_Inside

Dead_Inside

Wizard
Jul 2, 2018
622
I didn't go into work today because I couldn't get out of bed. There is no 'friend' to contact. I am alone. I've not picked up medications because haven't got out front door so have to wait till Monday. I'm waiting on call back from cpn but I know she can't help really. I wanted to go to my mums but can't handle arguments so decided against it. Just feeling crappy. I know people are feeling worse because they will end it this weekend and I feel bad for that, that people have to. No interest in shitty tv or movies. Have been listening to music because it helps the tears come out apart from that I can't cry. I just feel so wrought up is all.
You have people here would talk to you... I know it's not the same exactly... but it's something. I am never sure if I wished I could say what I say here to a friend.... before people ditched me I said some things.... and it was not well received obviously.
 
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G

GeorgeEastman

Arcanist
Sep 3, 2018
470
The only thing that calms my worries is saying "I've only got 16 years until I die of pancreatic cancer anyway."

Thoughts of death are very calming. They're the comfort I've always wanted.
 
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Xaphous

Xaphous

hikikomori
Nov 11, 2018
550
Damm , I just dislike everything..

This weekend I came to a retreat, Ayahuasca, it's a heavy natural psychoactive thing...

People here , I dunno, I don't seem to fit in.

We are supposed to stay for the whole weekend , I dunno if I'm gonna make it....
That's cool, have you took any yet? I've been interested in it for a while, took shrooms a bunch of times but never DMT or Ayahuasca.
 
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dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Feb 18, 2019
1,298
That's cool, have you took any yet? I've been interested in it for a while, took shrooms a bunch of times but never DMT or Ayahuasca.

Not yet, I just paid and passed the interview, but they told me the drug won't change me, would only show me , and that then it's up to me.... So I dunno if I'm fucked
 
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Jc40

Jc40

Specialist
Mar 3, 2019
354
Not yet, I just paid and passed the interview, but they told me the drug won't change me, would only show me , and that then it's up to me.... So I dunno if I'm fucked
Hope it works out alright for you
 
dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Feb 18, 2019
1,298
Hope it works out alright for you
Actually it wasn't a nice experience, I just had bigger feelings regarding ctb and my mother and brother
 
R

Roberto

Wizard
Jan 19, 2019
684
I use films, if not, come to the forum, I read news too, listen to music, if you like to read, read. I sometimes take alcohol during the night. I use to prepare a nice meal for the dinner on saturdays. Something I shouldn't eat, like pizza and something for desert (with lots of calories sweet).
Three days ago I couldn't go to the course I'm doing. I slept over 14 hours. I sleep until I can't sleep more.
If you don't do it, go to a therapist and may be take antidepressives could help you in the future.
In this forum I'm feeling ok. Because I feel identified by messages like yours. Thanks for posting :-)
I take antidepressants and go to psychologist & psychiatrist.
 
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Jc40

Jc40

Specialist
Mar 3, 2019
354
I use films, if not, come to the forum, I read news too, listen to music, if you like to read, read. I sometimes take alcohol during the night. I use to prepare a nice meal for the dinner on saturdays. Something I shouldn't eat, like pizza and something for desert (with lots of calories sweet).
Three days ago I couldn't go to the course I'm doing. I slept over 14 hours. I sleep until I can't sleep more.
If you don't do it, go to a therapist and may be take antidepressives could help you in the future.
In this forum I'm feeling ok. Because I feel identified by messages like yours. Thanks for posting :-)
I take antidepressants and go to psychologist & psychiatrist.
I'm thinking about anti depressants. I've taken alot before 2016 but maybe I'm more willing to stick to them now. I've got actually people that listen to me (professionals) and don't force drugs on me but anti depressants was mentioned last time saw cpn. Might treat myself to pizza. Alcohol won't work while I'm crappy.
 
siray

siray

the crucified
Dec 28, 2018
178
Have you tried weed? It's the only thing that helps me enjoy every day of life for the few months ahead before I CTB.
 
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Jc40

Jc40

Specialist
Mar 3, 2019
354
Have you tried weed? It's the only thing that helps me enjoy every day of life for the few months ahead before I CTB.
Haha yeah I used to smoke it regularly from 16 but don't anymore, stopped last year after having psychotic symptoms. Psychosis stuff was through stress not weed related.
I'm gonna find a film on YouTube and there's a guy that does asmr skateboard stuff that calms me so gonna do that just now. Thanks everyone for replying on this thread and for likes.
 
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Dead beat dad

Dead beat dad

Enlightened
Mar 5, 2019
1,030
I didn't go into work today because I couldn't get out of bed. There is no 'friend' to contact. I am alone. I've not picked up medications because haven't got out front door so have to wait till Monday. I'm waiting on call back from cpn but I know she can't help really. I wanted to go to my mums but can't handle arguments so decided against it. Just feeling crappy. I know people are feeling worse because they will end it this weekend and I feel bad for that, that people have to. No interest in shitty tv or movies. Have been listening to music because it helps the tears come out apart from that I can't cry. I just feel so wrought up is all.
Hey friend, I'm sorry you're suffering.
If you couldn't get out of bed because you had no legs you probably wouldn't feel so bad, so if you're depressed and can't get out of bed that if nothing to beat yourself up about.
Stay in bed if you need to, close the shutters, the curtains, your eyes, it's okay not to bed okay.
Good luck friend.
DBD
 
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GeorgeJL

GeorgeJL

Enlightened
Mar 7, 2019
1,621
That's cool, have you took any yet? I've been interested in it for a while, took shrooms a bunch of times but never DMT or Ayahuasca.
You can get any psychedelic you want from Dream Marketplace. You need bitcoins to buy stuff.
 
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throwaway123

throwaway123

Hell0
Aug 5, 2018
1,446
how do you get trough the week?
 
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Jc40

Jc40

Specialist
Mar 3, 2019
354
how do you get trough the week?
Good question. I find weekdays a bit easier than weekends. Come on here, watch movies if you can, rest, sleep, read if you can, put your affairs in order if you plan to ctb soon, tidy if you can.
 

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