Help How to get rid of fear of death?

[TheHatedOne]

I used to not be afraid of death, but after some intense and deep thinking especially regarding some ways to die it slowly built up. Maybe it was just a facade all along and I was afraid of it the whole time. But now I'm certain. And it's uncomfortable.

I'm fully aware that we will die anyway and we will return to where we came from, but for some reason the future void unsettles me. The fact that it will be like sleeping but for an eternity... Maybe I just don't get it.

What I'm even more terrified of is the actual process of dying. Of all the painful ways out there and how sudden it is. How all your processes shutdown one by one, the pain you'll feel, the last moments, it overwhelms me.

Maybe I'm just a coward. I know for a fact that my whole existence is much more painful than how those last seconds will ever be. Existence is so painful it hurts me physically. Every second. This irrational fear is what keeps me from the salvation.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is not cowardly, I think many people fear death as existence is all we know. We cannot comprehend what it is like to not exist. We are programmed to survive which means taking our own lives is hard. I am scared of the process of dying and it is something I do not want to experience. I just think someday I will reach a point of desperation where I cannot take it anymore and then I will be able to leave.

I personally find the thought of eternal nothingness to be comforting. The way I see it, we were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to live. Life is the scary thing to me. I'm sorry you are suffering. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[NormaJeane]

Dealing with the fear of death itself is much easier if practiced long before it is going to happen. Chris Docker M Phil writes about how to find the courage to die in the book Five Last Acts - The Exit Path in the chapter Epilogue - the beauty of the swan.

 

[ContinuousJump]

I'm in a similar place...

but for some reason the future void unsettles me. The fact that it will be like sleeping but for an eternity... Maybe I just don't get it.

What specifically is unsettling about it for you?

For me, it's at least twofold:

1. The uncertainty about "what comes next". (Even though I'm 99.99% certain it's "so 'nothing'—that it's invalid to even refer to it as 'nothing'".)
2. And, that there is "stupid stuff" I should be doing here, in advance, so as to somehow "be more worthy"—of something I don't even believe-in.

Hearing what unsettles you may help me...

What I'm even more terrified of is the actual process of dying.

Yes: There is a distinct difference between the "fear of death" (irrational? what comes after) and "fear of dying" (the successful "shutdown" of bodily systems... which is certainly not without huge risks).

I know for a fact that my whole existence is much more painful than how those last seconds will ever be. Existence is so painful it hurts me physically. Every second. This irrational fear is what keeps me from the salvation.

Same. Again, I think a key may be to get a lot more specific.

Exactly what are your "worst case scenarios"? And what are the countermeasures for each?

Just writing this causes me to ask the same questions to myself, and I just found a new fear that I really thought I didn't have: I don't want to "look bad" to other people. Committing suicide will make me "look bad". This is very different from hurting them. Huh! I don't even respect their "philosophical beliefs", yet I'm allowing their mentalities to control me. Huh! That needs further thought.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Depending of method process of dying can be relatively painless. Like idle gas, but what is stopping me is fear of what comes next. I am scared of afterlife as I read many people who experience it. I do not wish to deal with angels or Jesus or any sort of this bullshit. I want to stop existing or at least be at peace.
I just spent like 2 hours on my couch with exit bag and gas tank and I cannot kill myself even If I know how painless of a method I chose. I feel stupid, and desperate.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I'm in a similar place...

What specifically is unsettling about it for you?

For me, it's at least twofold:

1. The uncertainty about "what comes next". (Even though I'm 99.99% certain it's "so 'nothing'—that it's invalid to even refer to it as 'nothing'".)
2. And, that there is "stupid stuff" I should be doing here, in advance, so as to somehow "be more worthy"—of something I don't even believe-in.

Hearing what unsettles you may help me...

Yes: There is a distinct difference between the "fear of death" (irrational? what comes after) and "fear of dying" (the successful "shutdown" of bodily systems... which is certainly not without huge risks).

Same. Again, I think a key may be to get a lot more specific.

Exactly what are your "worst case scenarios"? And what are the countermeasures for each?

Just writing this causes me to ask the same questions to myself, and I just found a new fear that I really thought I didn't have: I don't want to "look bad" to other people. Committing suicide will make me "look bad". This is very different from hurting them. Huh! I don't even respect their "philosophical beliefs", yet I'm allowing their mentalities to control me. Huh! That needs further thought.

1) I have no clue, that's what I'm wondering too. I'm thinking of the past void and I don't feel anything. I think of the future one, I start to feel uneasy. Maybe it's just the self conservation instinct acting up.
I almost forgot about the uncertainty of what happens after death that you mentioned. After one of my uncles died some months ago I've thought about what is there after death in such an obsessive way. I had a small thought at the back of my mind, small, but overwhelming: ''what if those religious folks are right? What if?''. I still prefer to think that there's nothing just as it was before being born.

Exactly what are your "worst case scenarios"? And what are the countermeasures for each?

I don't think I've understand this part. Maybe you could give me an example.

Just writing this causes me to ask the same questions to myself, and I just found a new fear that I really thought I didn't have: I don't want to "look bad" to other people. Committing suicide will make me "look bad". This is very different from hurting them. Huh! I don't even respect their "philosophical beliefs", yet I'm allowing their mentalities to control me. Huh! That needs further thought.

Maybe it's the self instinct? I wouldn't be surprised if it acts in such a subtle ways by generating these thoughts and fears in order to make us stay alive.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Dealing with the fear of death itself is much easier if practiced long before it is going to happen. Chris Docker M Phil writes about how to find the courage to die in the book Five Last Acts - The Exit Path in the chapter Epilogue - the beauty of the swan.

How do you practice drinking N long enough to be brave enough to actually drink it?

 

[Jumping_realms]

How do you practice drinking N long enough to be brave enough to actually drink it?

In my opinion, all you need to do is take an insulin syringe and taste about .5 ml. Not much more, you will feel it a tad. It's not that bad. If it was, maybe you could taste test a few times.

 

[ContinuousJump]

I'm not responding to all your points, because I'm still thinking some over...

I'm thinking of the past void and I don't feel anything.

What would you expect to feel?

We only ever have had the experience of "being". So "non-being" (no experience happening) is not something we can query our memories about.

But, we do get somewhat close in deepest (non-REM, dreamless) sleep. How do you "feel" about that—your many experiences with dreamless sleep?

I think of the future one, I start to feel uneasy. Maybe it's just the self conservation instinct acting up.

I've attached a PDF table of emotions. If you go through those, do any more precisely capture your uneasiness...? Here it is also as an image, but PDF is better quality:



Then, many of our emotions are associated with certain thoughts: Anger often comes from specific thoughts of "unfairness". So, if one is angry about something, it helps to ask, "What is unfair about this?". Feelings of sadness usually come from thoughts of "loss". Feelings of surprise usually come from thoughts of something being "new" or "novel"... etc.

Psychologists (like Plutchik) theorized that all these relationships likely formed due to the evolutionary advantages they conferred.

Perhaps start by pinpointing the exact feelings (of unsettle/unease), and then work back to the thoughts...?

I wouldn't be surprised if it acts in such a subtle ways by generating these thoughts and fears in order to make us stay alive.

I'm sure you're right: Evolution has had at least 400,000,000 years to "fine tune" our neurology, with one, singular, pervasive "feedback success-goal" = survive! survive! survive!

Yeah, we're at a bit of a disadvantage in comparison. Although rationally is a very sharp sword!

 

[ContinuousJump]

I do not wish to deal with angels or Jesus or any sort of this bullshit.

Very well said!

Are you an atheist (for lack of a better term)? Although I've been one for many years, I've recently found and started listening to "The Atheist Experience" podcast. They mainly have callers who are believers and are ruthless about "believing only what is demonstrably true". Even though I was already an atheist, it has really helped me (and I think would help you with this point). Yesterday's episode was pretty good—again, with the worry you had.

I just spent like 2 hours on my couch with exit bag and gas tank and I cannot kill myself even If I know how painless of a method I chose. I feel stupid, and desperate.

I'm so sorry for your pain. You're clearly NOT stupid. It's just that we've all been programmed/conditioned/"brainwashed" by very powerful forces.

Please "give yourself a break".

 

[Snake of Eden]

I just found a new fear that I really thought I didn't have: I don't want to "look bad" to other people. Committing suicide will make me "look bad". This is very different from hurting them. Huh! I don't even respect their "philosophical beliefs", yet I'm allowing their mentalities to control me. Huh! That needs further thought.

yes. This is one of the fears I have to deal with aside from fear of hurting other people. It would most certainly make me look bad especially to my siblings. They would really hate me for it and I am not sure that I would feel content with it.

 

[All Things Must Pass]

I am scared of afterlife as I read many people who experience it.

What they claim to have experienced is not what they actually experienced i.e. they were hallucinating.

 

[ContinuousJump]

It would most certainly make me look bad especially to my siblings. They would really hate me for i

My "looking bad" is all about my "reputation": I think of myself as an smart/intelligent person. It's all about my belief that smart people don't commit suicide... and I'll be seen as "not as smart as they thought".

Fuck, that's so vain! I'm so vain!! (and stupid for that) And double-fuck the fact I need to "protect my reputation"... even after death. Goddamnit!

Why would they "hate you", though? I'm so sorry it's like that for you, @zeroornothing.

What they claim to have experienced is not what they actually experienced

@fox_wannabe

Not only that... but nobody who's telling a story about an NDE (near death experience) actually died... If they really know what death is... "Dead men 'tell no tales'."

AND, also we've gotta expect the brain goes through all kinds of funky states while dying... completely individual... completely dependent on method of death... and completely unavoidable.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Why would they "hate you", though? I'm so sorry it's like that for you

Because it would devastate my parents. Also everybody would start thinking of them as the brother or sister of the suicided person.

 

[ContinuousJump]

Because it would devastate my parents. Also everybody would start thinking of them as the brother or sister of the suicided person.

A big part of what makes this world suck so much... is the expectation that... other people's "happiness" should depend on "my continued existence" (paradoxically, whether I'm happy or not).

I understand why it's that way... but it's not a good thing (for many reasons).

And society calls this "freedom" yeah right.

 

[clown_17]

Personally I've just accepted that there will always be fear. Saying that does make me a hypocrite though because I'm probably only alive because of SI. The fact that we will be stuck experiencing our own brain shut down is terrifying. Our last coherent thought, loosing the feeling in our limbs, knowing it's permanent this time. I think the best chances of overcoming SI is to ctb on impulse. When you're really upset you won't be able to think of how terrifying it is and your emotions will override the pain.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Are you an atheist (for lack of a better term)?

I am non dualist, meaning I believe in primacy of consciousness. But It is a belief. I cannot say more. I just wish for disappearance after death or peaceful void.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

As already mentioned the fear of death includes the fear from the process of dying and the fear from being dead (afterlife, not existing). In the first approach I would call it the fear of the unknown. I tried to mitigate this fear by getting as much information as possible about the unknown.

With respect to the fear from dying it is relatively simple. I learned everything about hanging, found a partner who hanged me a number of times until passing out. Now I have no fear from dying.

The fear from being dead is more sophisticated. Due to the last findings of brain research it becomes more and more unlikely that our consciousness and mind can exist if the brain is destroyed. So there is a high probability that there is no afterlife, only not-existing, the same state like before our birth. I can be rather sure, that I will not regret anything, because there will be nobody and nothing that can regret anything.

On the other hand scares me the idea of not existing anymore, it is unthinkable. It must be an instinct and all thinking and logic is helpless against an instinct. Maybe we should learn from those who overcame the fear of death: suicide bombers, Kamikaze etc.

 

[ContinuousJump]

I tried to mitigate this fear by getting as much information as possible about the unknown.

I understand what you're saying... and still the phrase, "getting as much information as possible about the unknown" made me smile.

There sure are many paradoxes about dying, committing suicide, not existing forevermore, etc...

everything about hanging, found a partner who hanged me a number of times until passing out. Now I have no fear from dying.

You're so lucky to find a friend like that!

I can't help but think... if suicide were more "acceptable", how we (society) could make dying A LOT less fearful... e.g., by allowing people to safely practice for it (as you did).

I can be rather sure, that I will not regret anything, because there will be nobody and nothing that can regret anything.

Very well said!

On the other hand scares me the idea of not existing anymore, it is unthinkable.

And yet, as you just prophetically said, there's "nobody and nothing that can [experience] anything."

That being so, why fear it? Do you think it actually might be a fear of the "loss of what you have now"? I definitely have that.

Maybe we should learn from those who overcame the fear of death: ... Kamikaze etc.

Yeah, I think you're right: In the final moments, a let's "Just Do It" kind of attitude is very helpful.

The guy in this hanging video even wears a "Just Do It" t-shirt. And, the very last thing he posts (translated from Swedish) is, "alright let's do this".

TRIGGER WARNING: Please do not watch this link if you feel seeing someone die would be too upsetting to you.

21 Yr Old Swedish Guy Commits Suicide in Front of Webcam

Suicide live on the internet

www.documentingreality.com

 

[Kennish]

I understand what you're saying... and still the phrase, "getting as much information as possible about the unknown" made me smile.

There sure are many paradoxes about dying, committing suicide, not existing forevermore, etc...

You're so lucky to find a friend like that!

I can't help but think... if suicide were more "acceptable", how we (society) could make dying A LOT less fearful... e.g., by allowing people to safely practice for it (as you did).

Very well said!

And yet, as you just prophetically said, there's "nobody and nothing that can [experience] anything."

That being so, why fear it? Do you think it actually might be a fear of the "loss of what you have now"? I definitely have that.

Yeah, I think you're right: In the final moments, a let's "Just Do It" kind of attitude is very helpful.

The guy in this hanging video even wears a "Just Do It" t-shirt. And, the very last thing he posts (translated from Swedish) is, "alright let's do this".

21 Yr Old Swedish Guy Commits Suicide in Front of Webcam

Suicide live on the internet

www.documentingreality.com

Honestly I didnt want to see that. And I fucking pressed play. Not I feel awful.

 

[ContinuousJump]

Honestly I didnt want to see that. And I fucking pressed play. Not I feel awful.

I apologize to you and, in respect of your feelings, have added a warning to the post.

 

[toforigivelife]

Why You Shouldn't Fear Death, Christen O'Brien

 

[ContinuousJump]

<link>

Here's another excellent article (about NDEs) and it helped me greatly with my fears.

Some quotes from it...

1. Staying alive is exhausting. As you're dying, you start feeling tired in a way you never have before. The sheer act of staying alive is exhausting.

You don't even remember the actual moment of death, and it takes weeks for to remember it.

AND THERE ISN'T TIME FOR REGRET WHEN IT HAPPENS.

2. A black void. ... It was relatively peaceful. Like being wrapped in a big warm blanket.

3. I felt nothing and was just an impartial observer. ... I feel like I was just ready to watch myself fade into the dark despite being content and having things to live for.

The aftermath was the worst. Realising how close I was to oblivion and recalling the dissociation was horrifying. Unsettling is exactly the right word.

4. My last two thoughts before I slipped into oblivion — what the football scores would be tomorrow, specifically, that some people would know them, and I would not, because I'd be dead.

And, I'd quite like to watch some old Simpsons right now. That was it. Nothing about my family, friends.

5. I was electrocuted by about 13,800 volts. ... I remember experiencing the darkest dark and the most silent silence. I ceased to care that I was dying; time seemed to change, it could have been hours it seemed. It was only about 30 seconds.

6. I was dead for a very short period of time, ... There's a big misconception about it. It's not like sleeping at all. ... There's always a sort of white noise in the back of my mind. It quiets down when I sleep but it's still there.

I never noticed it before I died, but I do now. I don't want to romanticize death, but when I was out, it was like this perfect nothingness. And nothingness is so hard to imagine normally, but once you "experience" it, and they bring you back, part of you wishes you could have stayed.

There's no positive feelings there, obviously, but it takes away everything bad, too. All your stress, the nightmares, the troubles. All gone. Just nothing exists. It's beautiful in a way.

I'm not suicidal at all, and hope to live the rest of a long and happy life. But I'm very much looking forward to a lack of consciousness when I do eventually pass again, and I can honestly say I don't fear death anymore.

People Who Have Been Clinically Dead Reveal What Death Is Really Like

"Like being wrapped in a big warm blanket."

www.distractify.com

 

[Kennish]

I apologize to you and, in respect of your feelings, have added a warning to the post.

Thanks for that. I could just have not pressed play. Guess it's my own mistake. You wrote what it was. I pressed play.

 

[Naufrago]

Saudações a todos os tripulantes desse mesmo barco em que estamos...
Em meus 50 anos de idade, aprendi que a morte é o contrário da vida. Na vida você sente, ama, sofre, etc...
A morte realmente é algo que naturalmente não queremos. Nem os animais irracionais almejam isso. Mas nós, animais racionais ( pesquisas recentes mostram que apenas 7% de nosso DNA é humano), não queremos sofrer fisicamente, emocionalmente e psicologicamente, e, cada um tem seu limite para as dores.
Daí vem a vontade de descansar (CTB). Aprendi que quando perdemos as esperanças, perdemos o medo da morte.

 

[ContinuousJump]

<link>

Here's another excellent article (about NDEs) and it helped me greatly with my fears.

People Who Have Been Clinically Dead Reveal What Death Is Really Like

"Like being wrapped in a big warm blanket."

www.distractify.com