I can't die with the fact that there are a lot of people who care about me. I want them all to forget that I exist so that my death will not trouble them. I thought about acting like a jerk so that everyone hates me but that would hurt them more than if I suddenly die. All I am doing now is trying to isolate myself as much as possible but everyone keeps asking if I am alright. It's not fair for such wonderful people to have someone like me who only cares about themselves and would rather not suffer anymore because of cowardness. I don't even ask how they feel or check on them. Because frankly enough. And I know this sounds disgusting. But I truly don't care about them. All I ever felt when around people is terrible. I hate my birthday so much because everyone gives me gifts and I have to act like I am grateful. I know I'm terrible and I know that many of you would kill to have such caring people as the ones around me. But I know that I don't deserve them. And even if I did. I don't want them. I just want to be forgotten. The only people I enjoy the company of are the imaginations in my maladaptive daydreams. Because they're the only ones that can't hurt me and I can't hurt. And will die with me once I kill myself.
I lack emotional intelligence so please give me a detailed guide on how to make no one care about you anymore without hurting them. Thanks.
this hurts to say, but theyll care no matter what. even if someone knows
of somebody, average people will still care over the loss of life, even if its brief.
what ive learned over the course of a couple years is that when you decide to do this, you have to accept youre going to be a little bit of a bitch, to put it lightly. but this is what's important about taking your time with something as big as killing yourself. its a grieving and acceptance process for you as well as the people around you youre leaving behind. you have to accept youre going to be the "bad guy" in other peoples eyes. you have to accept youre going to leave people with a lot of hurt and heartbreak. if you can get over this, then youre as ready for suicide as you can be. because suicide isnt just being so sad you cant take it anymore, its losing that aspect of empathy for other people. im really not trying to be mean, and im not trying to say anything about you or your situation at all. but from my own personal experiences, when you stop trusting everyone around you, its way easier to not care what theyd think when you finally decide to go.
by all means, you could be nice about this. you could give away your things and leave a note not blaming anyone but yourself. but the act itself will make everyone close to you have major issues, and would even look at you completely differently, whether it's positive or negative.
again, im really not trying to be mean to you at all, its just what ive gone through personally. im not even trying to say dont do it, i have zero idea what youre going through. but i just wanted to tell you that theres almost no way people just wont care. it could be for selfish or selfless reasons, theyll still find a way to care.
