Help How to forget a person?

[Judah]

It's been weeks since that person betrayed me and revealed that she was really using me, and it still hurts.

I haven't spoken to her since then and I don't intend to either, I prefer to pretend she never existed but the memories are there, being manipulated into becoming attached to her and then being betrayed like this has left me quite traumatized.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

The only thing that reduces hurt is time, and lots of it.

 

[Judah]

The only thing that reduces hurt is time, and lots of it.

If only it was that easy to forget, seriously, this is the first time I've been through something like this.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I imagine you're very young. It's not easy to forget something like this. It's not something that you consciously make happen. Memories just fade with time, and in the case of love, it takes time for the chemicals responsible for that feeling to subside. I know you may not want to hear this, but in some cases it can take years to get over someone. It has for me. What helps is surrounding yourself with other people, your friends, doing things with them, making new memories, crying when you feel the need, telling people how you're feeling, finding new hobbies to occupy your time, just simply not sitting around by yourself wallowing in your own misery. You'll have to show some patience. It takes a lot of time. During this process it's a good time to take stock of yourself, too, and find out more about yourself.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

You're a better person than me for trying to put it behind you and move forward.

I'm a pretty vengeful person and always needed to get my own back if somebody fucked me over.

 

[Judah]

I imagine you're very young. It's not easy to forget something like this. It's not something that you consciously make happen. Memories just fade with time, and in the case of love, it takes time for the chemicals responsible for that feeling to subside. I know you may not want to hear this, but in some cases it can take years to get over someone. It has for me. What helps is surrounding yourself with other people, your friends, doing things with them, making new memories, crying when you feel the need, telling people how you're feeling, finding new hobbies to occupy your time, just simply not sitting around by yourself wallowing in your own misery. You'll have to show some patience. It takes a lot of time. During this process it's a good time to take stock of yourself, too, and find out more about yourself.

It really was a friend and not a couple, but the way she manages to use and manipulate me to become very close to me and then harm me, it's an experience that made me suffer a lot.

You're a better person than me for trying to put it behind you and move forward.

I'm a pretty vengeful person and always needed to get my own back if somebody fucked me over.

Right now I don't have the mental strength to plan revenge, honestly

 

[locked*n*loaded]

It really was a friend and not a couple, but the way she manages to use and manipulate me to become very close to me and then harm me, it's an experience that made me suffer a lot.

Whether friend feelings or couple feelings, it's really not all that different when you've been betrayed. You still develop feelings very much like romantic love. They can be just as intense. There are still endorphins creating the feelings you have for this person that will take time to subside. Occupying your time with other things makes it easier to to "wait out" the diminishing of these feelings. It doesn't make it easy, just easier.

 

[CTB Dream]

If feel able do hobby etc can do try forget, reg brain can most forget but ptsd prblm. Careful this all type Brain damage betray etc even small

 

[jodes2]

I'm so sorry man. That's harsh. But times like this you got to try and think about how to start moving on. Green pastures so to speak. Let the wounds heal, get some strength back and at some point take another risk and try again. When you're ready. You'll find the right person when the time is right. Hopefully this is your bad luck out the way!

 

[lukas19]

If only it was that easy to forget, seriously, this is the first time I've been through something like this.

Easy have brain damage like me, loss 50% (or more of memories). Took me over a year to learn how to speak again. Just joking the painful negative memories stayed. The only thing is time. First (and last/only) time i felt like that it took 2 years to recover. Every waking second was thinking about her.
on a side note, i hooked up with her about 20 years later. NO heavy emotions. Sex was ok but we were bored of each other both wanted to split a year later.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Like everyone else says- 'Time is a great healer.' It's a cliche but it's true.

Also, what helped me dealing with some childhood crap was finding out about narcissism. I'm sure the person I had so much trouble with was/is a Narcissist. It can only ever really be your own diagnosis of them (although other people tend to agree with me in my case) but somehow, it validated it for me. Some of their behaviour was just bizarre. I wonder if the person you've had trouble with has narcissistic traits. They tend to be very nice at the beginning to draw you in and then, they are extremely manipulative.

I recommend the YouTube channels: 'Live Abuse Free' and 'The Crappy Childhood Fairy'. They cover lots of topics related to abuse and manipulation. They also receive letters from people- sometimes it helps to know that other people have suffered similar and worse. I think you can feel sort of ashamed and embarressed alongside being shocked and hurt when someone manipulates you. Just know that it does happen to a lot of people. I've even known someone who got utterly exploited and then abandoned by their own brother!

It's hard to know whether you should take anything away from it. I think it can make us very distrustful in the future- which probably isn't good. Still, I think you have to bear in mind that some people are just unreliable and some are much worse and will exploit you. I'm sorry you've had this experience. I hope you will feel better in time but I'm afraid- like everyone else has said, it could take a while. All the best to you.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what that person has done, and the unfortunate truth is that I believe that it's simply impossible to forget. There is no relief from our thoughts which can torture us and our memories stay with us as long as we exist. The only thing that could be close to being a relief is the fact that someday this life will long be forgotten about no matter what.

But I think that as well as life itself, humans certainly are the problem and the reality is that humans usually just cause more suffering, you cannot trust them and rely on them so it's better to be alone. So many people who exist here just make this world a more hellish place and this is the reality.

 

[Unending]

The only thing that has really helped me in these types of situations is time and no contact with the person. There was an instance of me losing a friendship in a pretty rough way that in hindsight, had lots of problems that probably couldn't have been realistically fixed.

I'm not usually the type to delete pictures of a person and throw away things they gave me as I feel like trinkets are nice to have if not just for a time capsule but even just quarantining all pictures and stuff like that to a space where you won't see them every time you open your camera roll is helpful.

I know that probably isn't the specific example you were looking for but your post made me think of it. But yeah, time and consistent space away from that person or anything that makes you think of them is probably the best thing that I am aware of.

 

[manocsak]

If you want to forget, and you got some physical items that give you a strong association with the person, throw it away.

Other than that, time... the funny thing about time as a healing method can be a good hour, a good week, a month, or 10 years, thinks just fade away one second by second for eternity, and when it's done you won't even notice it.

 

[glyph]

The faster you'll move on with your life - the quicker you'll forget about that person. Don't feed your mind with thoughts about her.

 

[LocalAngel]

To anwser your question, develop a dissociative disorder like we have. It's that simple! xP (I'm joking, of course.)

When you feel ready, re-associate some of the things you associate with them with more positive things, if you want to. Other then that, time.