I imagine it would be different for everyone. 11 months is a long time for total isolation though not to mention that you're limiting your other leisure activities. If you already have a gun why not do February- hold a gun every day March- dry fire every day etc and make sure that you finish before doing any leisure activities for the day?
If you've never shot before perhaps add going to a shooting range somewhere in the plan.
I'm actually struggling with something similar right now but my approach was a bit different. Instead of picking arbitrary deadlines (because I know I would procrastinate past them) I set up a situation where I ran out of money so I need to figure it out within a couple of days or there will be consequences.
I don't have a gun right now due to previous stupidity. I agree with your last sentence, as the entire time I have been in this state over the last 7-8 years, the only thing that has compelled me to act is the feeling of the world closing in on me and NEEDING to act to escape. Previously it's been people trying to contact/locate me, which caused me to run away.
I'm currently too comfortable and numb to CTB. However, in the past when the pain was immense, I couldn't complete as I still felt something. I need to have the cold, calculated numbness that I have now coupled with the looming threat of a despair that I know I can experience. Basically, I need to see hell on the horizon without actually being in the throes of it . To be on the precipice of torture, and act preemptively rather than reactively.
I just don't see this happening, so maybe I can use this time to come up with a plan for when shit gets crazy? And then come up with a plan to make shit get crazy? Lol.
Tldr: when numb, no push to ctb, when in pain, can't think straight enough to execute, wat do?
I'm an impulsive kinda girl, so when the urge hits, I attempt. You're gonna have a very difficult, lonely and miserable year my friend
