Help How to destroy the instinct of self-preservation?

[Justnotme]

Most likely, I will choose partial suspension.
I trained a lot in a variety of poses, bought a lot of ropes, belts, bandages, sports bandages on my legs..
Now I quite often manage to be close to losing consciousness

But I can't go any further and I can't completely lose consciousness, even when my rope is not secured!
My instinct is too strong. I didn't think that this instinct could be so strong.

I have sodium nitrite and nitrogen. I do not know how pure my nitrogen is, I am even afraid to open the cylinder and attach the reducter.
But the fact is that my panic and my instinct for self-preservation will work even when I breathe nitrogen.

Has anyone had a serious attempt to escape from this hell, has anyone been helped by powerful pills that kill the instinct of self-preservation?
Barbiturates, benzodiazepines, alcohol, anything else?

The planet and the mind have been around for so long
Surely there must be some kind of chemistry, some kind of chemical that kills this fucking instinct

 

[rozeske]

Most members here haven't left yet due to SI it is something so strong that has kept the human race for so long. SI becomes stronger when you have a little hope to keep on living or when you have doubt about ctb. using numbing substances depending on the method could help, watching NDE stories if you believe in afterlife, reading through other members goodbye threads, watching method related ctb videos could somehow help overcome si but mainly it's about being ready.
if you already have SN I think si would be minimal with that. It would have been my prefered method if I had it.

 

[numbspirit]

I was going to do partial suspension last year. I was pretty close to doing it, so I think I was well prepared. I assume you would go for the carotids in order to pass out, which is how I would do it. However, it's hard to overcome the roughly 20 seconds it's takes to pass out.
The thing with SI was my problem and I had to come up with ways to make myself unconscious before actually hanging. My first solution was hyperventilating, in case you don't know, it's pretty simple: Squat down and hug your legs. While looking at the floor, breathe in as often and as deeply as you can. You can either take 20 breaths for safety, or you can simply give yourself a certain amount of time, for example 10 or 15 seconds, in which you breathe in and out deeply and quickly. Then stand up as quickly as you can. Afterwards, if you have done everything correctly, you will pass out.
There are two problems to this solution:
1. You'll only be unconscious for about 10 seconds, maybe even less. That's obviously not enough, so you're waking up and SI kicks and your attempt is over. A possible solution would be to glue the rope exactly where the carotids are, but even then, there would most likely be a gap between passing out and passing out again.
2. In order for you to hyperventilate properly, the rope would need to be longer, but then you obviously can't hang yourself. A possible solution would be to do hyperventilate on a chair, since it's partial you could even easily adjust the rope so the chair is high/low enough.

My other way of passing out was taking tranquilizers, drinking alcohol and smoking a joint. I took a bunch of zopiclone 7.5, pipamperone 40, drank a lot of vodka and smoked the mother of all joints. This will completely obliterate your nervous system, I passed out two times in a row and that's why I, for myself, would go with that one in my next attempt.
I don't know if you have access to these meds, and I am nowhere near an expert so I don't know what else you could take. And since I'm not an expert, you should take everything I wrote with a grain of salt, that was just my observations for my plans.
I'm sorry life brought you this way and I hope you can find peace, whatever that may be.

 

[Justnotme]

I was going to do partial suspension last year. I was pretty close to doing it, so I think I was well prepared. I assume you would go for the carotids in order to pass out, which is how I would do it. However, it's hard to overcome the roughly 20 seconds it's takes to pass out.
The thing with SI was my problem and I had to come up with ways to make myself unconscious before actually hanging. My first solution was hyperventilating, in case you don't know, it's pretty simple: Squat down and hug your legs. While looking at the floor, breathe in as often and as deeply as you can. You can either take 20 breaths for safety, or you can simply give yourself a certain amount of time, for example 10 or 15 seconds, in which you breathe in and out deeply and quickly. Then stand up as quickly as you can. Afterwards, if you have done everything correctly, you will pass out.
There are two problems to this solution:
1. You'll only be unconscious for about 10 seconds, maybe even less. That's obviously not enough, so you're waking up and SI kicks and your attempt is over. A possible solution would be to glue the rope exactly where the carotids are, but even then, there would most likely be a gap between passing out and passing out again.
2. In order for you to hyperventilate properly, the rope would need to be longer, but then you obviously can't hang yourself. A possible solution would be to do hyperventilate on a chair, since it's partial you could even easily adjust the rope so the chair is high/low enough.

My other way of passing out was taking tranquilizers, drinking alcohol and smoking a joint. I took a bunch of zopiclone 7.5, pipamperone 40, drank a lot of vodka and smoked the mother of all joints. This will completely obliterate your nervous system, I passed out two times in a row and that's why I, for myself, would go with that one in my next attempt.
I don't know if you have access to these meds, and I am nowhere near an expert so I don't know what else you could take. And since I'm not an expert, you should take everything I wrote with a grain of salt, that was just my observations for my plans.
I'm sorry life brought you this way and I hope you can find peace, whatever that may be.

Thank you for your detailed experience!

Yes, I know what hyperventilation is.
And do you know what the main "joke" is?
My fear was triggered even when I was hyperventilating!
When I started to lose consciousness, animal fear triggered in me and I stopped holding my breath so as not to completely lose consciousness.
I hate my brain...

And I know for sure that I want to leave, I know for sure that I want to die, I'm not a religious person, so I don't let the religious system scare me with "punishment for suicide."

I will keep trying... I will try to overcome my fear.

It's so good that I have the opportunity to talk about it with someone on this forum...

I have access to various strong pills
I just don't know what kind of pill mixture will help me overcome my fear.
I'll keep looking.

Thank you again for your advice

Most members here haven't left yet due to SI it is something so strong that has kept the human race for so long. SI becomes stronger when you have a little hope to keep on living or when you have doubt about ctb. using numbing substances depending on the method could help, watching NDE stories if you believe in afterlife, reading through other members goodbye threads, watching method related ctb videos could somehow help overcome si but mainly it's about being ready.
if you already have SN I think si would be minimal with that. It would have been my prefered method if I had it.

Thank you for answering me!
I review various photos and videos almost every day where people have done a partial hanging.
Please don't think of me as a cruel and terrible person because of this...
just looking at these things helps me understand the technique of the method and helps me understand that in the end people overcome instinct.
And I can do it too..
And it just so happens that I'm afraid to take sodium nitrite.. Still, partial hanging can also be painless..

 

[rozeske]

Please don't think of me as a cruel and terrible person because of this...

Oh I don't think that at all! most of us here including my self search for this things. Partial is a bit difficult to understand and this things help a little in understanding it more. It doesn't make us crule its just about being cautious enough not to endup with botched attempt .