How to deal with trauma caused by one individual?

[eaturdirt]

Hi everyone. I have been dealing with trauma a lot recently and it's really starting to bother me because it feels like I can't do anything about it. This trauma occurs most of the time when I get in contact with something that has to do with my past abuser (who's not in my life anymore). Today I was put in a groupchat by a friend of mine and as the nosy person I am, I decided to check the profile pictures. One girl had a profile picture with someone who looked so similar to my abuser that I genuinely thought it was him, and I started to freak out and feel horrible. But how do I heal from that? How do I get rid of that fear when I see him or see something that resembles him? It's not like I can or even want to stare into his face until I'm not scared of him anymore. Just the look of him makes me feel physically sick. But happenings like this make me think that I don't want to keep being afraid. But I just don't know how and where to start. Does someone have any suggestions? Thank you (:

 

[Life_and_Death]

i wish i knew the answer to your problem. while i can relate, i have gotten a bit more relaxed about it, i do still struggle with it. i cant think of or put into words how its gotten a little better aside from time right now. i have streets i refuse to go down, but i can drive past fire hydrants. i still struggle with faces, they make me want to throw up, but im a little better with names. for that last one i just try to remind myself theres billions of people, other people are going to have that name and theyre not the same person.

"Study" the way you think about it i guess.

 

[spiritualvirgin]

hey, i'm also in a similar situation my abuser moved far away about nine years ago. i struggled alot ,especially in the first few years after he moved away, with seeing people in public who resembled him even a bit, i started panicking, shaking, sweating etc. and it was horrible, i'm sorry that you have to go through that. for me it was really helpful to change my own appearance and style, it was not just an opportunity for me to feel safer in the way i present, it also was kinda comforting for me to know that even if he saw me on the street he wouldn't recognize me. it helped me to at least outwardly distance myself from the person he abused. i also carry a knife and a pocketalarm thingy iykwim, which makes me feel safer in general. it was also helpful for me to have trusted people who knew about my situation and who I could call if panicked in public. even tho these things helped me alot i think the most crucial factor in my healing journey in this regard was time. i hope it will get easier for you soon <3

 

[etherealgoddess]

Hi everyone. I have been dealing with trauma a lot recently and it's really starting to bother me because it feels like I can't do anything about it. This trauma occurs most of the time when I get in contact with something that has to do with my past abuser (who's not in my life anymore). Today I was put in a groupchat by a friend of mine and as the nosy person I am, I decided to check the profile pictures. One girl had a profile picture with someone who looked so similar to my abuser that I genuinely thought it was him, and I started to freak out and feel horrible. But how do I heal from that? How do I get rid of that fear when I see him or see something that resembles him? It's not like I can or even want to stare into his face until I'm not scared of him anymore. Just the look of him makes me feel physically sick. But happenings like this make me think that I don't want to keep being afraid. But I just don't know how and where to start. Does someone have any suggestions? Thank you (:

I know this is not gonna be a nice answer. But the way I've dealt with those random triggers is by repeated exposure because if you think about it, you were wired to be triggered by his image because it's your body's way of sensing danger to run, fight, freeze, or any typical survival mode. I had an issue with that but in relation to purity culture. If someone mentioned it, I'd get nauseous, severe panic attacks, etc. I kept forcing myself to keep repeating the trigger in my mind and telling myself I was okay. Shit was agonizing, but I've gotten to a point where I'm 99% healed. I barely ever get triggered by it and if I do, it's really mild. It was also a really slow process, so it's not like I got over it fast. The more you trigger and process and rewire, the more you can heal but it does come at the cost of your mental peace severely in the moment. I had the capacity for it because I had the time as a preteen and teen.

 

[eaturdirt]

hey, i'm also in a similar situation my abuser moved far away about nine years ago. i struggled alot ,especially in the first few years after he moved away, with seeing people in public who resembled him even a bit, i started panicking, shaking, sweating etc. and it was horrible, i'm sorry that you have to go through that. for me it was really helpful to change my own appearance and style, it was not just an opportunity for me to feel safer in the way i present, it also was kinda comforting for me to know that even if he saw me on the street he wouldn't recognize me. it helped me to at least outwardly distance myself from the person he abused. i also carry a knife and a pocketalarm thingy iykwim, which makes me feel safer in general. it was also helpful for me to have trusted people who knew about my situation and who I could call if panicked in public. even tho these things helped me alot i think the most crucial factor in my healing journey in this regard was time. i hope it will get easier for you soon <3

Thank you for replying and these tips! The thing is that I've stayed with him for a longer time because I was too scared to leave, because of that he has seen multiple versions of me. For a long while I have had ginger hair though and I do really like it, but looking in the mirror is so hard. I feel like I want to change too but I think it's not something I can really force? But I think dying my hair again will help. I really enjoy the color Cruella has at the start of the life action movie. That really dark red. I'd like to try that sometime. I wish you healing <3